so i went to my therapist. I really do like her, shes really good at advice. BUT there is one thing that her and i bump heads on. She says im not trans enough to help me with hormone stuff or whatever. is there such thing as not "trans enough"? i sure dont. just because i'm somewhat more feminine, alright i'm really feminine (think stereotypical flaming gays) bu thats just my personality and the way i talk. Do i have to be all manly and such to be considered trans?? I pass 100 percent in boy mode, but sometimes i switch to girl mode. But, i am definitly a guy (i know that for certain) when i am in girl mode i consider myself a female impersonator XD is it right for her to not help me??? anybody been in that situation? For school i stay primarily in girl mode. But, i want to go in boy mode, I tried it last year and i couldnt take the taunting and everything. but, i know i can take it now. I Just need some advice for what to do. Should i just go for it and get out there or take it slow for now. I really want to go boy mode 95% of the time but i dont know about reactions. How do you guys deal with bullying and everything?

Well there are cisgendered men that are very feminine so there is no such thing as "not trans enough".  I say try to convience her and prove that you can go through the Real Life Experience test all of the time and if she STILL denies I say find another therapist.  For the bullying part if you are sure of who you are don't let it get to you because most bullies just bully because they are jealous or overcompensating for their own pathetic lives.  You only have to put up with those bullies for a certain period of time and afterwards you are free to be more open while they are still in a mental slum.  What goes around comes around and Karma will deal with that.  When I was bullied in school I pretty much repressed it and then turned it into anger and thought to myself "hey none of these losers would ever want to stand toe to toe would me, I would knock them out in a flash" so I always found that to be a compliment to myself in a sense.  Not that I would condone that so I just say just try to ignore it as much as you can.  Prove them wrong by being successful and happy.

OMG!! I had the same problem as you with my damn therapist!
Here's a link to the thread i made: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,108986.0.html
I was too lazy to re write my story, easier to just link.

But yeah, my therapist kept saying I was just andro, and too feminine and blah blah blah.
I got rid of him after my third visit, he was doing me more harm than good.

There's no such thing as being trans enough. There's a million ways to be trans, like there's a million ways to be cis.
Just be yourself man. Find yourself a therapist that will help you out.

About school, I personally just went to school how I wanted, dressed like I wanted and didn't give a rats ass about reactions.
I got quite a few looks, and I got kids that tried to verbally intimidate me at first but they saw that it didn't affect me(I just laughed it off.)
and they eventually left me alone. I didn't have a lot of friends but I was sort of the pet of a couple of popular girls so that helped
a lot since no one would have dared touch me the wrong way.

If you choose to go with it man, just keep your head high, be confident, and don't let people walk all over you.
Then again, be smart about it, don't get caught in a nasty situation. And if you ever feel down you know you can come here,
and talk to us on Susans. We'll gladly cheer you up.

Good Luck man!

Quote from: Malachite on January 15, 2012, 02:35:14 AM
Prove them wrong by being successful and happy.

Exactly!

My therapist encouraged me to be more masculine but he never flat out said I wasn't trans enough and denied me care. I think you need to find someone new, and if there's no one else in your area, go online.

Quote from: Caseyyy on January 15, 2012, 03:12:27 AM
My therapist encouraged me to be more masculine but he never flat out said I wasn't trans enough and denied me care. I think you need to find someone new, and if there's no one else in your area, go online.

That is so true.  There are some therapists that will do their appointments via Skype.

I didn't go to a gender therapist, but my therapist was great. I want to see her again when I get my insurance. I never had the problems as you are having, because I'm a pretty masculine person. At least as masculine as any typical 21 year old male. My therapist told me that her receptionist said "he's adorable" before I left. She assumed I was just a young boy coming in for therapy. So I've never had that issue.

There are feminine men out there yes, but I'm pretty sure that you can't just go in and out of modes like that. Most physicians require you to be IN your gender identified role BEFORE administering HRT.

You MUST come out, and you MUST present yourself to new people as MALE. It doesn't matter if you're a feminine male. You just can't be a feminine girl to others one second, and then a feminine boy the next.

All in all, if you haven't came out, and you're SURE this is what you want, then do so to atleast a few people. Present yourself as male, and talk to your therapist about it.

I'm sorry if I sound like a doucher. That isn't my context at all. I'm just saying that most physicians require you to live in your gender identified role before administering HRT. If you aren't ready to do such, then you shouldn't get yourself on T yet O_O

Time to find a new therapist.  That or find a doctor that will do informed consent. Like everyone said there is no such thing as being "trans enough."  Your therapist is full of crap.

Quote from: Andy8715 on January 15, 2012, 03:05:04 PM
Time to find a new therapist.  That or find a doctor that will do informed consent. Like everyone said there is no such thing as being "trans enough."  Your therapist is full of crap.

Pretty much this. I'd definitely find a new therapist that is more trans-positive, rather than a therapist who just wants you to reinforce a gender binary (here I mean male = masculine, female = feminine) that you might not feel you're a part of. Unfortunately there are still a lot of therapists out there who try to deny trans people care just because they don't fit the male/female stereotypes.

I think in the case of young people (it sounds like you're under 18) then therapists are right in being cautious about handing out letters for life altering drugs (actually, I don't think that applies to just young people but underage especially). You also didn't mention how long you've been seeing this therapist. She may be holding out because your behavior is atypical. I don't agree that using the phrase, "not trans enough" is appropriate for a therapist though (if she did indeed use those exact words). There of course is a wide spectrum when it comes to gender expression and sexual preference but personally I would consider a therapist who just immediately (or within a short amount of time) gave out HRT letters unprofessional. They have a duty to their patient to at least spend some time exploring your past and present and getting to know your particular situation before making a diagnosis.

If I had had that therapist I wouldn't be on hormones now. He sounds like he has a very old-fashioned idea of what it is to be a man or a woman.

thanks dudes and yes i know i should be in boy mode full time and thats what i'm going to do. I'm gonna go for it. I can still be feminine...
and i'm 19 in grade 12.  I have been spending lots of time thinking about this and i know what i am doing now thanks for the advice

About being "trans enough"



there's no such thing as "Not trans enough".

Quote from: cookiekangaroo on January 16, 2012, 10:43:43 AM
About being "trans enough"



there's no such thing as "Not trans enough".

Damn, you beat me to it. But yeah, there is no such thing as "not trans enough" and whoever says that is probably not the right person to be seeing as far as a therapist or whatever.