SOOO.. I have now been on hormones for six days. (yippy.)
I have been in general, enjoying the effects.
i feel different everyday.. but
I still get nervous, wondering: is this right for me? and, how would i know?
Would i be like: OH MY GOAWD I NEED TO STOP, or would I not know?
I feel the most nervous about the hormones when i wake up in the morning
and think ugh.. is this right? But as the day goes on, I feel happy. Something
that is so new to me. I feel right in myself, and I feel normal. It's sensational..
But, i'm still so hesitant and unsure. i was so sure before i went on them.
Anyway! I think i'm just a coward when it comes to drastic changes, and commitment
because i've been feeling amazin.
Another thing that has been bothering me is that my being on hormones masculinizes my queer
sig. other, and hir's accepted it more then I have I think.
I dont know, i just wanted to get this off my chest.
What do you all think?
 

Quote from: Torn1990 on January 19, 2012, 05:41:17 PM
I still get nervous, wondering: is this right for me? and, how would i know?

In about another week your male sex drive will plummet. If you like the way you feel after that point, it's likely this is right for you. Actually this anxiety could be a reaction to the meds, it's a fairly common side effect. It likely will go away once you have been on them a while. I'm not sure what ur on so hard to say. Just because you might have an anxiety side effect doesn't mean you weren't meant to have E in your system, many GG's have this side effect too.

Well I was anxious too, perhaps even apprehensive.
I got over it and I really like how my face is filling out, and I lost ten pounds from when I started.
It's fine and dandy and my sex drive has been unaffected! Weird huh?

I've been on hormones for 2.5 weeks now and I'm already SERIOUSLY questioning my motivations and if this is really the right thing for me.

Hey,

This was a time I was confused myself. I was like OMG why am I doing this. Am I doing it for pleasure, fantasy, or am I really a girl on the inside.....  So many questions were going through my mind when I started out. It was a complete mind f'er on me.

I got nervous because I realized that "Its happening NOW, no turning back!!".. The fact is changes you have in the first 3 months (assuming you are on the correct levels) can be reversed. ( I read it somewhere a while ago, don't hold me to it. lol, Like 80% sure haha) . When I read that it could be reversed, that feeling went away till 3 months later . lol. So to me it was just nerves of knowing that "This is permanent now". However, during those 3 months I got to know myself better, I knew that this was the right path for me. Don't get me wrong I'm still a little frightened when I think about it. That's just me being afraid of  not being accepted in society and future stuff like kids and marriage . It was more about fear on external things rather than internal. You get what I mean by external and internal. Like internal as ignoring everything except what you feel inside. That's really what matters in my opinion. The external is still important, but you need to filter out some of it. There are just way to many things to think about, what if this, what if that. That could drive you mad. Mainly for external think about can you live with the reality of being transgender. Take time to think about it. I'm still 80% sure you have 3 months on HRT to think about it.

Hugs everyone
Good luck on you newbies. lol.

Quote from: Torn1990 on January 19, 2012, 05:41:17 PM
  SOOO.. I have now been on hormones for six days. (yippy.)
I have been in general, enjoying the effects.
I feel different everyday ... but
I still get nervous, wondering: is this right for me? and, how would i know?
Would i be like: OH MY GOAWD I NEED TO STOP, or would I not know?
I feel the most nervous about the hormones when i wake up in the morning
and think ugh.. is this right? But as the day goes on, I feel happy. Something
that is so new to me. I feel right in myself, and I feel normal. It's sensational..
But, i'm still so hesitant and unsure. i was so sure before i went on them.
Anyway! I think i'm just a coward when it comes to drastic changes, and commitment
because i've been feeling amazin.
Another thing that has been bothering me is that my being on hormones masculinizes my queer
sig. other, and hir's accepted it more then I have I think.
I dont know, i just wanted to get this off my chest.
What do you all think? 

Quote from: jdinatale on January 19, 2012, 09:29:52 PM
I've been on hormones for 2.5 weeks now and I'm already SERIOUSLY questioning my motivations and if this is really the right thing for me.

Doubts are normal.  Take your time and work with your therapists and doctors.  These are major life decisions.

On the other hand, you need to ask yourselves, what are the consequences of doing nothing?  How will that affect your mental, emotional, and physical health.

There is nothing wrong with going slow.

You may not have the support of friends and family where you both are, but you have supportive friends here.

♥ Usually, you'll see changes month-to-month with this. ♥

Quote from: Jamie D on January 19, 2012, 10:34:27 PM
Doubts are normal.  Take your time and work with your therapists and doctors.  These are major life decisions.

On the other hand, you need to ask yourselves, what are the consequences of doing nothing?  How will that affect your mental, emotional, and physical health.

There is nothing wrong with going slow.

You may not have the support of friends and family where you both are, but you have supportive friends here.

To give my experience, even when I was six months into hormones, I still had some doubts. In fact, I felt awful on the hormones first, probably compounding the anxiety and loneliness I was feeling with my situation at the time, but still... However things stabilised and 5 and a half years later it all worked out alright, and it tends to for the vast majority, one way or the other.

Quote from: Assoluta on January 20, 2012, 07:00:03 PM
To give my experience, even when I was six months into hormones, I still had some doubts. In fact, I felt awful on the hormones first, probably compounding the anxiety and loneliness I was feeling with my situation at the time, but still... However things stabilised and 5 and a half years later it all worked out alright, and it tends to for the vast majority, one way or the other.

Thank you.. I felt changes so quickly, and they've been wonderful.
I've just been nervous!

I'd been on AA's for some time before this, but yes the only thing that really kept me continuing on was my significantly added mental and emotional peace. As you say, a feeling of rightness. But you may have to give it extra time - in my case even through a fair bit of testicular pain - which always made me doubt the whole business...But then even around 9 months, upon waking first thing in the morning, I often experienced strong panics, anxieties, about my breasts growing too quickly for me to socially catch up with..Though soon after, the doubts would disperse. This went on for some time, but I just put it down to a steadily growing awareness of the absolute enormity of what I was doing.. Having said this, I knew HRT was providing some real relief and I just felt great.

I felt the same way about perceived masculinisation of my SO. It was as if her face and head grew larger..!  Not much cause to celebrate for her though...hence why we've both agreed to do this real slow.

Quote from: imogen on January 20, 2012, 09:39:54 PM
I'd been on AA's for some time before this, but yes the only thing that really kept me continuing on was my significantly added mental and emotional peace. As you say, a feeling of rightness. But you may have to give it extra time - in my case even through a fair bit of testicular pain - which always made me doubt the whole business...But then even around 9 months, upon waking first thing in the morning, I often experienced strong panics, anxieties, about my breasts growing too quickly for me to socially catch up with..Though soon after, the doubts would disperse. This went on for some time, but I just put it down to a steadily growing awareness of the absolute enormity of what I was doing.. Having said this, I knew HRT was providing some real relief and I just felt great.

I felt the same way about perceived masculinisation of my SO. It was as if her face and head grew larger..!  Not much cause to celebrate for her though...hence why we've both agreed to do this real slow.

My doctor warned me about the testicle pain.. Although she did somewhat understate it.. It's not unusual though..

I started, and then stopped when I was 18. Nine years later, I regret every day that I decided not to pursue it then. That said, I'm fixing it now.

I don't recall major changes happening until after several weeks, although I felt great immediately after starting. In my mind, it's a bit of a placebo effect - the peace of mind that I had the right chemicals in me for once in my life, and that my life was moving in a positive direction. Did I have second thoughts? I did when I was 18 - I was afraid, in a poor financial condition, and discouraged by a therapist - a TG specialist of all things - telling me flat out that I would likely have a bad result. And I am forced to agree, it's not going to be a nice result... but it's either be alone and miserable, or take a chance at being happy. There's not a way I can be more miserable...

At the end of the day, the point is that you do what is right for you... Listen to yourself, and do what you need to do. After all, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind...

Quote from: kelly_aus on January 20, 2012, 09:42:58 PM
My doctor warned me about the testicle pain.. Although she did somewhat understate it.. It's not unusual though..

Really? I never experienced that...

  I had minor testicular pains, felt more like a cramp, that lasted no more than an hour.  As for the doubts that arose?  My case it was the "I had enough!" after 58 years of frustration with therapists, doctors, postponements and the company I worked for that frowned on those who went to see a shrink. 
  Joelene