You should call the cops. If your mother is in danger of harming herself they can put her in a safe place. It is irrelevant if she finds this undignified or embarrassing. Seriously though, if she is in danger of harming herself, please get professional help- her feelings won't matter if she is dead. Two people I know or at least have some connection to have died over the last few days. I don't want to see a third. That is paramount.
To respond to your other questions:
Second of all, their beliefs are their own. How they react is not something you can control. If they feel a certain way in their mind that is their business. All you did was tell them something about yourself, and while that may have made them understandably upset, you can't control how they feel or how they react.
The worst thing about coming out is hurting those who you love. My family has not taken it well either, though nobody has tried to kill themselves yet over it. I felt bad for a while. I questioned myself, just as you have. But it's who I am- I've felt this way for a long time, and the thoughts are not going away. Ultimately I'm not going to make my own life miserable to satisfy someone else's need for familiarity or their moral code. That's what I decided for myself, and that's my burden. Likewise, just because many people on this board found transition to work for them, doesn't mean you should project it on yourself.
HRT probably won't make it thrilling to wear women's clothing. Most women don't fetishize about the clothes they wear (well beyond feeling sexy in some nice lingerie I guess). If anything I found I got less turned on from wearing women's clothing after being on HRT for a while. For me that is fine- I just want to be a normal women. I don't want to be turned on by doing something as mundane as wearing clothes. For you, you may feel different but the effects sound similar.
I do recommend speaking to a SECULAR therapist, one as free of agenda and bias as possible. It sounds like you are confused about your motivation for transitioning- this is probably natural. Perhaps you just have a crossdressing fetish. Some people are like that and are satisfied using clothing as a fetish thing, but have little desire to transition or present as female. That's perfectly alright and if that's how you feel, it's actually very normal. But you really should be seeing someone good to help you navigate these waters, and you should NOT be allowing the personal interests of others prevent you from seeking happiness.
It's my personal opinion that ->-bleeped-<- is very rocky science, and there have been studies that very strongly call into question its validity. I would also state that while transition is not a decision to take lightly, it's also not a decision to put off until you have a mid life crisis. That's why you need a good therapist. Really someone who does family counseling would be ideal.
I can't tell you how to live your life- You have to make that decision for yourself. Not for me, not for the people on this board, not for your family, not for the male dominated business culture, and not for your church. And whatever you choose, make sure it is something that you can live with. I can tell you that I struggle with satisfying my own family. My mother's side is obsessed with genetics and they put me on a pedestal as some sort of superman. They want me to spread my genetics for the greatness of the aryan race. F*** them.
