Hi Rachel,
Welcome to Susan's. Confused, eh? Well you've come to the right place to talk to good, friendly people who are no strangers to your situation. As you said you have been lurking for awhile. That's okay, sometimes it takes folks awhile to pluck up the courage to join in. I'm sure you've noticed that there are a lot of loving caring people here and it has given you hope. It's what we do here. Susan's is a very unique place for transgendered people. It is thanks to the tireless efforts and vision of Susan that such a place exists at all. So fix yourself a cup of tea, or other relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.
Good Journey,
Cassie