Not with angst nor rhetorical violence.
Nor hate.
It could be a function of my present state of mind, or maybe it's essentially a function of who I am psychologically, but this is not in any way breaking my heart.
Fundamentally the familial love remains but frankly, I could not care less.
Oddly enough perhaps, my soon to be ex-wife does accept who I am and the love, although markedly different, is still there. She cannot co-exist any longer, but I understand this completely.
Part of my reaction has roots also in notable cognitive and emotional 'battle scars' acquired over so many years and accordingly, it is difficult not to be jaded and bitter.....
But for the most part, the primary genre of how I feel is a function of 'principle' if you will, in the context of a searing and sordid history, secondary to the endurance over many years of intense TS and secondary cognitive and emotional 'spin-off' dysfunctional modes.
Condensed, "I finally discovered who and what I am in 2005 after suffering hideously from the effects of self ignorance and trying with futility to live a diametrically inverse pretentious mere existence; if you will not nor cannot accept me now for who I really am, that represents your problem and not mine and I will graciously leave you as you wish to be, for I have a life to live."
Given the gravity of the affliction, the history and the necessity to transition, to finally become who I should have been many a year ago, existing familial ties with they who will not accept who I am will be summarily discarded.
Their rejection hardly comes as a surprise, although it is to a minor degree, disappointing.
Disappointing and nauseating, that is. It would seem that love is indeed, finite in many cases.
