I've gotten a response similar to this before and need to bounce the question off of you all.  On the one hand, I feel like even though it will be next to impossible for me to raise enough money for SRS, it is something I need for my health and well being - not something that would just be nice, like getting a brow lift.  On the other hand, I think that if I ever did get enough money for SRS, I should use that money to help my family in Mexico where many struggle just for food and housing - plus, I might need money later on should I ever get sick.

Some people tell me that I am too old or its just too expensive, but then I asked my best friend how he would feel if he had a vagina instead of a penis and he said that would be awful because he "loves his penis."  I don't know that I would say that I loved any part fo my body, but having SRS is an essential part of me making the outside match who I am on the inside, but I still struggle with thoughts of "wasting money." 

It's a medical condition.  It's not like you are going out to by a Jaguar to go to the grocery store.    How can I spend thousands of dollars on hearing aids when people are dying?   If medical coverage covered it, you wouldn't be. 

Well, for a start you can throw the question back and find out how much of their earnings the questioner is giving to the starving - we're not the only ones who should feel required to justify our relative wealth, it goes for everyone who is earning rather than starving.

But that aside, as I saw an NHS SRS surgeon explaining on the telly recently, you can also weigh up the cost of SRS against the financial and emotional cost of decades of depression etc. if the transgender person doesn't get the SRS they need to be happy. SRS frees people in bondage to their gender dysphoria to get on with life and do more good. Nothing happens in isolation.

Personally, I think people who say these sort of things are out of line.

As Padma said, how much have they given?

But it's deeper than that. The economy doesn't work in simple monitory terms. Poverty isn't caused by lack of money.

There is very little point in responding to statements like these. They are stupid, ignorant and hypocritical. And if you want to be clever, you could point out that you will do more good for very poor people by spending your money than giving it to them. Hard I know, but that's the real nature of poverty.

Ugh.  I got this question a week ago about FFS and it really irritated me.  The idea that we are somehow obligated to sacrifice our own personal happiness for the good of others annoys me.  I did that for the first 27 years of my life and it left me beyond miserable.  If people want to give tons of money to causes, that is their choice and I absolutely applaud that but that doesn't mean I need to.  One person's value system does not supersede my own.  I'd ask them why they wouldn't feed a group of starving cannibals with their own body and see how they respond.  That shows an obvious line they aren't willing to cross.  Altruism pfft.  I give, but I do so voluntarily and certainly not out of shame, guilt or force.

Well if i were to get SRS I wouldn't be too worried about the starving since I am pretty poor and kind of starving.
Not to the point of some african, but to where my weight fluctuates pretty bad

Anyways! I can't be bothered by other people's problems, I've got my first world problems to deal with.

Most people didn't pay me 10 minutes in attention when I was on the verge of suicide due to gender dysphoria, why should I give them 10 dollars in food?

I have a sister in law that calls me selfish because I decided to change into a female (just taking hormones is changing into a female to her apparently). I've done everything for her, her kids, and my brother, financially, physically, and emotionally but she has the nerve to call me selfish. I have a feeling the people telling you these things are in the same boat as this horrible excuse for a human being.

Its not a fair question to ask of people.  How can we do/buy anything with others dying for any reason.

While we can try to give money to charity, we can not stop poverty by ourselves.

Ask them why don't millionares who spend millions of dollars on houses and gems and other luxuries help you with transitioning

You cannot help every starving person out there and if you did, then the next question would be "why won't you help sick people, poor, animals, etc"

That question is very unfair and I would ask well what are they doing to help the world?

I'm sure that you being here sharing your story has helped more people than that person has.

Quote from: Robertina on January 30, 2012, 03:41:11 PM
I've gotten a response similar to this before and need to bounce the question off of you all.  On the one hand, I feel like even though it will be next to impossible for me to raise enough money for SRS, it is something I need for my health and well being - not something that would just be nice, like getting a brow lift.  On the other hand, I think that if I ever did get enough money for SRS, I should use that money to help my family in Mexico where many struggle just for food and housing - plus, I might need money later on should I ever get sick.

Some people tell me that I am too old or its just too expensive, but then I asked my best friend how he would feel if he had a vagina instead of a penis and he said that would be awful because he "loves his penis."  I don't know that I would say that I loved any part fo my body, but having SRS is an essential part of me making the outside match who I am on the inside, but I still struggle with thoughts of "wasting money."

The key word here is you're from Mexico/Central/South American Spanish.
I've lived in Mexico and Central America.
The people are all about "Family".
Well. That's great. - If you've got a nice family.
I don't.
Try to break from roots. - Get the money for 'yourself' first. - Then maybe you can be productive to send them money. - If you wanted to.

As far as donating to the poor ...that is for the rich rich rich ...or the duped.
I wouldn't donate to any of these "pull-the-heart-strings" people on TV. - They get to travel on your money, etc, etc, etc.....

Quote from: Robertina on January 30, 2012, 03:41:11 PM
I've gotten a response similar to this before and need to bounce the question off of you all.  On the one hand, I feel like even though it will be next to impossible for me to raise enough money for SRS, it is something I need for my health and well being - not something that would just be nice, like getting a brow lift.  On the other hand, I think that if I ever did get enough money for SRS, I should use that money to help my family in Mexico where many struggle just for food and housing - plus, I might need money later on should I ever get sick.

Some people tell me that I am too old or its just too expensive, but then I asked my best friend how he would feel if he had a vagina instead of a penis and he said that would be awful because he "loves his penis."  I don't know that I would say that I loved any part fo my body, but having SRS is an essential part of me making the outside match who I am on the inside, but I still struggle with thoughts of "wasting money."

That's a good question.
It's wonderful that you even think about these things, truly, a lot of people wouldn't.

Ultimately only you can look into yourself and find the answer.

I give to charity, I don't give much, I'm poor too, but I could give more than I do.

I think there's such a thing as being too self-sacrificing. If you believe that you are a worthwhile person, then you need to look after yourself as well as others. Sometimes it's you that needs the money, sometimes you're the one that needs help. Some people don't understand that.

Quality of life is something I think is important. Life without quality of life is not life worth living to me. If you need SRS to maintain or improve your quality of life, especially in something like this, were you're only improving your quality of life close to the point most people take for granted, then you are being charitable to yourself.

I hope this post helps.

My answer is plain simple. First I need to be happy ME, only then I can make others happy.

You need to decide in your heart what the best use of your money is.

People can play the game all day of deciding X is a better use of money than Y.  But for every use of money, there's *always* a better use in *someone's* eyes.  "Starving family in Mexico?  What about the real poor in (insert country here)?"

Plenty of people buy new automobiles for far more than 20K that are worthless in a few years.  That's throwing money away.  Taking care of your health is hardly even remotely comparable to throwing money away on a car (but I wouldn't criticize someone for that either - if they have the money for the car, and that's where they want to spend the money, fine).

I'd also say that you are making an investment in yourself.  You'll be happier, more productive, etc, if you do what you need to do for you.  Then you'll have more to give to others.  That's not selfish.  It may even be wise.

Ultimately, though, it's your money and your conscience.  I just would say that nobody has your best interest in mind if they are telling you it would be selfish to keep yourself healthy and well.

Let's see. I work. I work hard for MY money, therefore I do what I want with MY money. First comes me, second comes me, and third comes me.

Spending thousands of dollars to have a decent mental health isn't bad. If it were, WHAT are people spending hundreds of thousands (or even being paid that money by the government) to survive the heart attack they brought onto themselves by eating at Mc Donald's everyday? WE didn't ask to need this surgery; they did. But I wouldn't for a second say they're selfish for that surgery...

Health is never something you are selfish on.

Apart from that, I don't think I can ever consider myself selfish for anything as long as my income doesn't get higher than 30-50 000 $ per year. People who don't help the poorest when they are rich are selfish, yeah. But people who are "poor but comfortable" have absolutely no moral need to help those who are poorer.

Plus, I've always thought it was a government's job to help the poor. Individuals' help makes their conscience lighter, but aren't anything all that useful. If the US and every country following their stupid lead stopped investing in military jets, machine guns, nuclear bombs and taliban torture and put that wasted money where they should, we wouldn't even have that problem.

  This question is out of line, often asked by people that have more money than you, or just someone who would put you on a guilt trip nonetheless if you're transitioning or doing anything to improve yourself.  There are many causes of starvation, mostly by war or greed.  I stopped giving to the starving when I found out that most of my cash donation for food went to the insurgent soldiers and greedy warlords.  I give some money to build things so these people can have a shelter and the means to feed themselves.  The best I can do on a limited income.  No SRS here, I can't afford it.  I am okay with my situation anyway, however, I would opt for the SRS if I had the money.  $20 is not chump change here. 
  This is your decision.  Don't let these guilt trippers pull you down to their level!
  Joelene

People use the "omg ppl are poor" garbage to discount anything that you're doing that they cannot handle. People who can accept you will never say that stuff.

There's a user on youtube that loooooves to post that question both in videos and in responses to other videos. It kinda wreaks of something, I'm not sure what it is. Self-righteousness or something. Don't listen to them. I'm sure if they had $20K for something, they wouldn't be out handing the money to starving people either. It's easy to tell people how they should spend their own money, lol.

As others have said above, once you are able to function fully as your true self, there is a chance you will be able to improve your financial situation and help others.
Also, did anyone offer to help you when you were down at the bottom of the GID pit? 
It's a bit like the safety demonstration on your flight back to the States. Put on your oxygen mask first, then help anyone who needs it. 

Karen.