Compared to what you expected before, what did transition teach you?

Was it worth it?

It just HAD to be.
It doesn't quite align with it being "worth it" or not, as maybe with FFS, or a hair-transplant...

Axélle

Good point.

So, it is good medicine then?

How 'bout society? Is their reaction not a hurdle?

Quote from: Beverley on February 01, 2012, 05:16:52 AM
If you need to transition then other people's opinions will not worry you too much.

Beverley

I completely agree with Beverley - IF... you need to transition.

And IF you need to... you will just know - 1,2,3.

Axélle

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on February 01, 2012, 06:03:53 AM
I completely agree with Beverley - IF... you need to transition.

And IF you need to... you will just know - 1,2,3.

Axélle

At the time when I was deciding whether I wanted to transition or not, such an answer would frustrate me. But now I can safely say I would reply with the same thing.

It's just something you feel. It's natural to not be sure about it, but weighing out the options you then opt for one. Now or later, again. It's all about priorities, knowing yourself, and knowing what you want.

If I said 1, 2, 3, the meaning behind it...

1 - I realized with much certainty I was trans-'something' after my 'house of cards' collapsed one early morning.

2 - I would not have been able to answer at 1, - if 2 -> HRT - being on hormones - be what I needed. 2 weeks later I just KNEW. Don't ask me how, it just had become VERY clear to me.

3 - Again when 2 -> HRT had become clear - I would not have known 3 -> SRS, be what was needed, for me .
Hardly 2 - 3 weeks later I knew that also.

It went 1, 2, 3, and it's a funny thing about something when your REALLY know it. It has NOTHING to do with book/web reading - something inside just knows when the time has come.

That was my experience... 1, 2, 3, YMMV

Axélle

What can be expected before transition?
Well, in my case it didn't look good at that time, lost of relatives, friends, job, no way to change birth certificate, passport, drivers licence.
Just a small benefit from the social security and the neighborhood seeing me as a complete weirdo.
Still, I was lucky at the start, no body or facial hair, a feminine face, a voice that could pass.
But, whatever the expectations were, there was no bloody choice, I didn't want to be a girl, I was a girl only my anatomical parts told another story.
There is some point in life, when you tried everything to be a man, and fail, you can't handle it anymore.
So, I went to transition, the therapist, hrt and the srs, indeed I lost a lot of people, I was lonely, had no job and just a little money to spend.
Yes, sometimes I was a bit hungry due to not enough money to buy food.
But still, it was more than worth it, a lot more, I was lucky again, the law changed, I could change the BC and all the other paperwork.
I moved to another place, nobody knew me and nobody knew that I was not born a girl, find a job, more money to spend.
have had relationships and building up the life of a woman.
Now 30 years later I can say, I did get a lot more than I had expected, life was good to me after transition.
Expectations are always compared to the current time and situation, but that's a dynamic fact, time and situations are changing day by day, so your expectations and hopes can be false, things are developing, so it could be a lot better than you had expected.
So, these were the experiences of a gratefull woman, gratefull for what I received in life.

Quote from: Beverley on February 01, 2012, 05:16:52 AM
If you need to transition then other people's opinions will not worry you too much.

Beverley

Thank you, because pre-transition, these opinions do worry me.

What if transition make me like myself and makes everybody else hate me? Is that any better? That is the type of negation my mind deals with lately. I know better, but it is a real concern (if that makes sense). Of course, if I think I am a good person, others will follow... and I will be better equipped to handle those who don't... still, a Pre-HRT concern.

I can say all of my fears turned out to be unfounded. I lost no friends (well one), family was supportive, no serious drama to speak of. A few ultra conservative people had problems when I was approaching the "line between genders" but once I crossed over, their concerns disappeared. There was a point where the bathroom choice was difficult, when guys started complaining, I knew I was in the wrong one There were a few rough patches but NOTHING like I envisioned.

On "the other side" so to speak it is so much better than I ever envisioned. I learned what being a woman is, the sisterhood women share than men don't and what women have to deal with from men. I learned a lot about myself too and have more self confidence in knowing I can do anything I want. I feel having lived as both a man and as a woman, I have insight into the human condition that few people have. I probably could have lived as a weird, feminine guy if I had no other options but it wouldn't have been pleasant. There have been a few curve ball medically I was thrown but I got through that too.

So was it worth it? 100% yes.

Quote from: Tori on February 01, 2012, 10:47:16 PM
What if transition make me like myself and makes everybody else hate me?

That's not going to happen. ONE person flipped out but I figured they might given how rabidly homophobic they were. EVERYONE else has been understanding and supportive. Most people now a days know about this and I bet you find out most people aren't even surprised.

Thank God my fiancé is amazing.

THAT small support group alone, is priceless.

I lucked out.

She is taking me shopping tomorrow!

Transition is teaching me who I am. This is not a very comfortable classroom experience, but somehow very welcome, after a lifetime of hiding myself and hiding from myself.

And it's kind of fascinating that the only real resistance and bigotry I've encountered so far has been from certain "fellow Buddhists" who are just conservative people. All the fear is my own, and all the evidence so far is against that fear.

 

Well, Buddhists are terrible.

If I ever have another Buddshist missionary come knocking at my door...



I like telling people I am a Secular Buddhist.

That really effs with them.


P.S. There is a Yin and a Yang. When it comes to Buddhism, I am in the Yang zone. I love messing with the squares... it keeps the balance.

Nothing wrong with being a secular Buddhist .

I feel less and less inclined to say "I'm a Buddhist" and more inclined to say "I'm practising Buddhism - some of the time..." It's not something I am, it's something I'm remembering to do, often enough to make a difference to how I behave, I hope.

Quote from: Padma on February 02, 2012, 05:16:14 AM
Nothing wrong with being a secular Buddhist .

I feel less and less inclined to say "I'm a Buddhist" and more inclined to say "I'm practising Buddhism - some of the time..." It's not something I am, it's something I'm remembering to do, often enough to make a difference to how I behave, I hope.

Unlike most 'Religions', Buddhism CAN be practiced.

I will be a Yang for as long as it will carry me. Too many Yins in Buddhism...

Balance,
Tori

Most of the men and women in my Buddhist order who've said anything at all about me transitioning (I've sort of broadcast the fact in our newsletter thingy) have been very supportive. There are just a few who've been reactionary, and they're almost all men above 50 (oh, and the rest are women above 50, interesting...)

Anyway, one more thing transitioning is teaching me is that being vulnerable and open and honest with people about yourself (in an "appropriate" manner, naturally ) enables other people to be more the same themselves. So becoming more yourself, and doing that out loud, is valuable collectively as well as personally.

I agree. But don't betray your sass.

Buddhism is a healthy neutralizer. It is a philosophy. A practice. For some, a way of life. But... fun Buddhists paint outside the lines.

So did Buddah.

Balance,
Tori

Lines, you say? If you see a line in the road, pee on it.