I want to take a few initial steps toward changing my appearance to the way I would like to look. I'm not trying to pass or anything, just make myself look a little bit feminine. Even slightly androgynous would be fine if I had to settle for that. I have a few different topics I want to ask about, I would appreciate any advice you could give me.

1) To begin with, I have pretty baggy eyes which I've always viewed as looking very masculine. I've seen ads forcosmetics to alleviate "tired eyes" that seem to be aimed at women, would something like this help?

2) My hair gets extremely thick and wavy and tends to "poof" out when I try to grow it long. It's short at the
moment, and this time as it grows out I'd like to try and get it lighter and softer, preferably in a way that I could get bangs or even hair down to my neck. I'm just not sure what I need to tell a hairdresser to do to achieve this. If there was something I could do myself at home it would be even better.

3) I would like to try removing or at least reducing my body and leg hair. Is it true that waxing or using waxing strips is extremely painful for men, or have gender-bender sitcoms been lying to me?

4) Okay last one- I'm overweight at the moment and while most of my extra fat is on my abdomen and legs, there's a bit visible under my chin. I'm planning on losing the weight for the health benefits but I want to know if you think this will make my face look more masculine or feminine?

I realize that's a lot of probably naive questions (very new to this) but I appreciate any response I get. I could provide a photo if it would help.

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
2) My hair gets extremely thick and wavy and tends to "poof" out when I try to grow it long. It's short at the
moment, and this time as it grows out I'd like to try and get it lighter and softer, preferably in a way that I could get bangs or even hair down to my neck. I'm just not sure what I need to tell a hairdresser to do to achieve this. If there was something I could do myself at home it would be even better.

Look at the Curly Girl method.  Wavy is another type of curl and it is the dryness that causes the poofiness.  Mine is a mess right now because I'm still recovering from all the harsh treatment my hair got around my FFS, but it was working for me well before that.

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
3) I would like to try removing or at least reducing my body and leg hair. Is it true that waxing or using waxing strips is extremely painful for men, or have gender-bender sitcoms been lying to me?

Removing hair hurts.  But it isn't THAT bad.  Legs eventually become just a tingle.  I've never been able to get my tummy and chest to calm much, but legs and arms aren't that bad.  You can also just shave.

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
1) To begin with, I have pretty baggy eyes which I've always viewed as looking very masculine. I've seen ads forcosmetics to alleviate "tired eyes" that seem to be aimed at women, would something like this help?

I say go for it if it bothers you.

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
2) My hair gets extremely thick and wavy and tends to "poof" out when I try to grow it long. It's short at the
moment, and this time as it grows out I'd like to try and get it lighter and softer, preferably in a way that I could get bangs or even hair down to my neck. I'm just not sure what I need to tell a hairdresser to do to achieve this. If there was something I could do myself at home it would be even better.

You can try to moisturize, dye it or straighten it. There are many options. I began by saying I wanted to grown my hair longer and take real good care of it, and we went from there. It is important to find a hairdresser who ins't a bigot, as some people will try to give you very manly and short haircuts. Once I found an hairdresser that understood me, it was easy to femininze my hair. We even became very good friends once I came out to her!

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
3) I would like to try removing or at least reducing my body and leg hair. Is it true that waxing or using waxing strips is extremely painful for men, or have /gender-bender sitcoms been lying to me? 

Waxing is the way to go, and yes it is painful at first. I had about 3 full body waxes before I began HRT and it helped with body hair as well. If you have plenty of facial hair, you could try for 2 or 3 laser sessions or electrolysis before starting HRT,  not because of any changes due to HRT, but because laser takes a while.

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
4) Okay last one- I'm overweight at the moment and while most of my extra fat is on my abdomen and legs, there's a bit visible under my chin. I'm planning on losing the weight for the health benefits but I want to know if you think this will make my face look more masculine or feminine?

If you are overweight, lose it and get into a decent weight because it is healthy. You will want to be in the best shape possible for SRS. HRT will help with fat distribution as well if you are under normal weight and due to changes in metabolism it is easier to lose weight before starting HRT, though I don't think you should postpon HRT exclusively because of weight. Your face most likely will change with HRT, the skin changes quite a bit. I'd say forget a bit about masculinizing or feminizing in this case and lose weight, then find out what weight works better for you.

Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it.

QuoteIt is important to find a hairdresser who ins't a bigot, as some people will try to give you very manly and short haircuts

Tell me about it. Up till now I've usually just asked to get my hair cut fairly short when it becomes too long to deal with, but even then they always insist on sticking the fringe up in what I guess is the current style for guy's hair-cuts. I sometimes get the feeling that barbers have an idea of what your hair should look like before you even sit down, and they're going to give you that style no matter what.

You mentioned a hairdresser- should I go to a proper hair place as a man? I always assumed I wouldn't be welcome in a place like that.

I always went to girls hairdressers, even before transitioning. You will be ok! If you go to a men's only place, they will give you a men's haircut.

Under eye treatment helps, but they do not perform miracles.

As far as your hair, im not too sure what you mean by poofy. If you mean frizzy, get a good deep conditioner. Frizzy hair is caused by overly porous hair taking in moisture, making the hair swell. A good deep conditioner can do wonders. Make sure you wet your hair with warm to hot water, and rinse with cool water. When you towel dry, hold the towel to your hair, do not rub your hair with the towel as most towels are more course than the strand itsself and it may cause damage to the cuticle layer (the layer responsible for porousity). A few trreatments can do wonders.

Picking a good stylist is tough. Do not go to a barber as they normally do mens cuts, and are more acclimated with mens styles and arent as experienced as a cosmetologist is at cutting womens hair and styling. Many though, will want to cut your hair short because its quicker and easier to do. Cosmetologists do not care what gender theyre servicing, as a matter of fact many will be excited to try new things with you.

Im not too sure how painful waxing is pre hrt, but about 5 months into hrt thre was very little pain when waxing. This is just my experience however.

A thicker neck does generally make a face seem more masculine.

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 12:48:13 PM
I want to take a few initial steps toward changing my appearance to the way I would like to look. I'm not trying to pass or anything, just make myself look a little bit feminine. Even slightly androgynous would be fine if I had to settle for that. I have a few different topics I want to ask about, I would appreciate any advice you could give me.

1) To begin with, I have pretty baggy eyes which I've always viewed as looking very masculine. I've seen ads forcosmetics to alleviate "tired eyes" that seem to be aimed at women, would something like this help?

2) My hair gets extremely thick and wavy and tends to "poof" out when I try to grow it long. It's short at the
moment, and this time as it grows out I'd like to try and get it lighter and softer, preferably in a way that I could get bangs or even hair down to my neck. I'm just not sure what I need to tell a hairdresser to do to achieve this. If there was something I could do myself at home it would be even better.

3) I would like to try removing or at least reducing my body and leg hair. Is it true that waxing or using waxing strips is extremely painful for men, or have gender-bender sitcoms been lying to me?

4) Okay last one- I'm overweight at the moment and while most of my extra fat is on my abdomen and legs, there's a bit visible under my chin. I'm planning on losing the weight for the health benefits but I want to know if you think this will make my face look more masculine or feminine?

I realize that's a lot of probably naive questions (very new to this) but I appreciate any response I get. I could provide a photo if it would help.

1) i use a eye roll-on from Simple and i dont care what anyone said it DOES perform miricles, 24 hours after the first application (and 12 hurs after the 2nd) there was a noticble reduction in darkness and puffyness and i belive it has had a feminizing effect on my face (and it feels nice in the morning)

2)Consider asking for them to put some layers in?

3)Apprehension is far worse than the actual pain, first time is the worst though, follow the instructions!

4)It may make you look more feminine in the face, raising your cheekbones and improving your jawline, also appearance aside its allways good to be a healthy weight!

hope i helped

QuoteAs far as your hair, im not too sure what you mean by poofy. If you mean frizzy, get a good deep conditioner. Frizzy hair is caused by overly porous hair taking in moisture, making the hair swell. A good deep conditioner can do wonders. Make sure you wet your hair with warm to hot water, and rinse with cool water. When you towel dry, hold the towel to your hair, do not rub your hair with the towel as most towels are more course than the strand itsself and it may cause damage to the cuticle layer (the layer responsible for porousity).

This is awesome advice. I should have come here years ago 

By poofy I meant it grows outwards instead of down, but it sounds like we were on the same wavelength.

QuoteConsider asking for them to put some layers in?

I'm not entirely sure what this means, could you elaborate? I always find talking to hairdressers awkward so I'm afraid they'll ask me to go into detail.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Layered_hair <-- this explains far better than i could

Quote from: ChiralSpiral on February 03, 2012, 04:59:06 PM
This is awesome advice. I should have come here years ago 

By poofy I meant it grows outwards instead of down, but it sounds like we were on the same wavelength.

Actually, idk if we are. How long is your hair when poofy is a concern to you? All hair grows outward before it starts to grow downward. Hair always has an awkward stage in which certain parts will not lay down flat, and it will even seem to grow away from other nearby patches. Depending on the texture of the hair (fine, medium, thick), it will take more time of hair growth before it becomes easily shapeable. There's a little known truth about hair: short hair is more of a hassle than long hair because you can always just pin up your long hair into a pony tail or bun and go.. but with short hair you have to use product to get it to look good.

It personally took me (medium thickness) about 6-8 months of hair growth before there was no more funkyness to my hair. I used to always complain about my hair once it grew past an inch or 2. You can use gel or mousse to form the hair and let it dry, or you can do it the annoying way and wet it a bit and shape it, holding it in place til it dries. Be careful though, if it gets wet again it will go back to whatever shape it wants to be in.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on February 03, 2012, 05:41:20 PM
Actually, idk if we are. How long is your hair when poofy is a concern to you?

The longest I ever let it get was where the fringe went to just above my eyebrows. With a lot of work I could get it to stay down in front, but on the back and sides it curled outwards into what one acquaintance described as a "white person afro". At that point it got too difficult to keep in any shape I wanted it so I just had it cut short. I've been doing that ever since.

I always assumed that it would just continue to grow outward, but maybe I was too impatient?

By the way, I tried your advice with patting the hair dry. Even though its short at the moment I felt it took a lot of the frizz out of it, plus drying it that way felt very feminine for some reason 

So thanks.

Oh yeah.. that always happened to me. I used to have long hair when I was in elementary school and for some stupid reason I had it cut off. I've always wanted longer hair but you are at that awkward point where the hair just is very frustrating to look at in the mirror. You just have to be patient, but eventually the weight of the ends of the hair will pull the entire strand down and you wont be left with fro head. You'll have other styling issues but at least you'll have hair that will probably be complimented alot

The reason towel drying like that is producing better results: hair has different bonds in them. Water breaks the hydrogen bonds and as it dries, those hydrogen bonds are reformed in the way the hair is shaped as it's dried. However wetting the hair will cause it to go back to whatever shape it wants to go in.