This is a concept a lot of people don't seem to grasp, it took me a long time to. Our reality for the most part is based on how we feel about ourselves and how we react to things. Things happen to me all the time (unrelated to being trans) that I could get bent about or stay upset over. I could focus on what negative things -could- happen and guess what, it's much more likely they will. I could then focus on the negative things that do happen and feel nothing good ever happens. Viscous circle. I could not forgive things bad people have done to me and hold a grudge against them. Hold onto this hatred and in turn be a hateful person. I could assume because one person is a jerk, everyone might be and guess what? People WILL be rude/jerks if you go around expecting them to be.

This truth isn't just about trans issues, it's about life as a whole. An example I learned from YEARS ago. I drove race cars for many years. I believed I was a "mid pack" driver and assumed the other guys were better than me. Guess where I always finished? Mid pack. Well one race I got a great start and was leading the race, this top level driver started to pull along side to pass and I almost just let him. I was thinking "I'm just a mid pack driver, I should get out of his way". At that point though I thought, "If I'm not a great driver, why is he behind me?" and basically said "F that, I'm as good as anyone here" and won my first of many races that day. The ONLY thing that changed from before this day with years of 10th-15th place finishes and being a consistent winner was my attitude!!!

I read SO many posts here about "I am so ugly/manly, I will never be able to pass or be happy". As long as you believe this, you will never be happy. Another example, I believe the main thing most FFS does as far as improving ones life (including my own FFS) is it brings more self confidence. Sure it changed my appearance a little but several people have said I am a different person after I had this done. Clearly the surgery didn't change anything beyond helping my physical appearance, some would say slightly. But the difference was, my improved self confidence gave a 10X improvement in my blending in as just another woman. 

I guess my point with this post is: I read sooo many people saying the ability to transition is all about physical appearance passability and HRT results etc. The main thing that was holding me back from transition was MY ATTITUDE and what I believed was possible for me to do. Just like this held me back in my racing days, I stayed living as a man because I thought I could never live as a woman. I finally decided I could live full time and I then just did it. I believed I had the right to do this if I wanted to. Before I told myself this, I would go out trying to pass and got clocked everywhere I went and people were rude and hostile. The ONLY thing that changed between having issues going out into the world as a woman and being able to present/live happily as a woman was my attitude!

So my advice to all these people who constantly post negativity, I'll never be able to do this, I'll never be able to pass etc; you won't until you stop thinking this way. You may believe "this is my reality" but it's only a reality YOU have created. We all have to power to change our reality and all you have to do is believe that you can and it WILL change!!

Thank you so much Stephe. What you've said is so so true. I tend to be on the negative side at times. There is nothing better than a positive attitude.
Your post is a big inspiration to me. Thank you.

Huggs

Maegan

That driving story is a great illustration. Well said.

This makes me smile

Great post Stephe,

I remember something similar, I was a cross country runner and was also a mid pack person. One race I just went with the leaders from the start, very hard fast running. Once they were in the lead they slowed to the average pace. But we were so far in front it made winning easy. You get out of life what you put in. Very, very, very few people will argue with someone who stands proud and looks people in the eye and and just does it.

You are a remarkable woman.

Hugs

Cindy

Stephe, you're absolutely right, it's all about a positive attitude.
You can be who you want to be, it's all in your power.
Even the negative things can be an advantage, if you're willing to learn from it, so it won't happen again.
When one is focused on a goal and is going for it, it's hard to stop that person.
The last thing one should do is drowning in self pity.
Life is somekind of survival of the fittest.
The only thing one has to do is, being the fittest.
The analogy with your race is a perfect description.
And....it was about time for a positive topic.
Thanks for sharing.
Annette

Thank you, I've tried to post the same concept in different terms several times (doors to shortcut paths have been my go to lately), but you've hit on a nice simple (NON-metaphysical) description.  It is hard to accept that we can change the world because we are taught by society that we cannot.  It takes a while to unlearn that.  But we all KNOW that innately.  We just have to come to understand it.  Look at these examples from our culture mind.

Positivity/Negativity:
You reap what you sow.
Karma
Threefold law
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Confidence and self-belief:
Everything is possible for one who believes.
Where there is a will there is a way.
So mote it be.
Do or Do not. There is no try

A conscious focused will is a powerful tool.  An unconscious will self-focused is a dangerous saboteur.

Call it psychology, call it magik, call it prayer, call it the Force.  Believe the power comes from the mind, a spark of Divinity, the external Divine, a spark of the Force, it doesn't matter in the end as long as you BELIEVE in yourself.

Great Post Stephe and very well said.

It so true in everything we do that our attitude makes a huge impact on the outcome of the situation. Confidence in being ourselves is also a huge part too.

Great post Stephe.

It took me a few decades to get it myself. In my 20's the times I tried part-time I felt like I was just some guy in a dress. The past few years I've gone though a ton of attitude as well as other life changes. Last week I went to see a movie for the first time ever by myself AND presenting as Joanne. While waiting some guy started chatting me up and eventually asked the $64,000 question; "Where is your husband?" as he glances down at my rings 

We do not see things the way they are, we see things the way WE are...


That's it in a nut-shell ... and as always YMMV

Axélle

How we perceive ourselves can be the difference between a life of joy and fulfillment or a life of misery and negativity. I go out all the time and enjoy myself as a woman. It doesn't matter if some one reads me or not. I enjoy the sweet moments that I'm in and that makes living all the more pleasurable.

I like the driving aspect you mentioned. I did the same thing as a road racer. The more I challenged myself the faster I ran. I had heart surgery seven years ago and I apprecite life even more. I will get back to racing again. I took up poetry writing a year ago and derive much joy from it.

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours

Good attitude and positive affirmations are essential to happiness.

Good post, Stephe