I new to this, pre-everything, just had my first meeting with a therapist, but I've always been asexual, my libido is next to zero, I do not even get an erection from masturbation. The only time I have an erection is directly after an operation because of the muscle relaxant they give you while you're under? And there might have been one time that I might have had something like "sexual attraction" (towards a girl) which was while I was totally waisted on painkillers.
To be honest, the very idea of having sex
as a man disgustes me, regardless with whom? The idea of having sex
as a women doen't seem to generate nearly the same level of revulsion? But it's very close.
I do have a keen esthetic sense? I know when men and women look beautiful or elegant? e.g. I loved the look and feel of the movie The Tourist, but like always I identified more with the lady and not with the man, even though mr Dep does look stunning
A female friend asked my what I would look for in a life partner, besides not wanting to have sex with them, my list became rather traditional feminine: Someone taller, stronger then myself, someone who makes me feel save, someone that could protect and support me, would love me for who I am and wants me to grow to my full potential, someone I could respect, maybe even someone that could help or lead me where I would not dare to go by myself? This list is very much emotional, this is how I feel, but it's also abstract, there isn't anything physical, no image, nothing.
I do enjoy reading fiction, including (well written) erotic fiction? But that is also more cerebral: both intelectual & emotional, it never transitions into the physical? Somehow that just isn't there.
