I get paid to remodel peoples homes and I always pull up on the jobsite with a trailer full of tools. It doesn't happen very often but some times I get the customer that says: "There's a hammer and some other tools in the closet if you need them" I have to admit those people have always been my best customers. After they say that I just point to the trailer.

There are sooo many to choose from. I used to work in the car repair biz. Maybe these should be under "clueless"?

Customer comes in and asks "Do you work on flats?" I say no we don't deal with tire problems and suggest a tire store nearby. He says "No I am driving a flat". I say "Well that's not a good idea you should put the spare on, I can do that for you. He becomes frustrated and says "NO I HAVE A FLAT!" I decide to go outside to look at what he is talking about. I almost died laughing. He was driving a nice Fiat convertible. The i had faded and he thought it was an l.

A school teacher of all things blew his engine up driving it overheating. We replaced the engine and told him to come back in 500 miles for a check up. He says indignantly "How in the world do you expect me to know when 500 miles has gone by?" I took him outside to show him the odometer and he had no idea what those numbers on the dash were there for. Obviously he didn't know what the temperature gauge was for either.

Or the dozens of people who had their cars towed in because they were out of gas. O.o

These are just a few that popped into my head.

I'm pre-T by the way so my voice is still pretty high.
(You need to know to understand the story.)

Anyway,
I had surgery to remove half my thyroid in 2010. It left a pretty big scar on my neck.
So this random girl sees my scar and goes ''Oh did you have surgery to lower your voice??''
And all I can think to respond is ''Does my voice sound like it's lower??'' xD
She said ''No.'' and just left.

Like seriously. She had heard me talk plenty before, my voice is extremely high.
I thought that was the silliest thing someone had asked me.

About 4 years ago when my mom got my father arrested and he had to move out he would call me and say "I really hate your mom.  She's hitting me up for child support.  Stupid bitch."  Over the phone I just had the oddest look and at 16 I was thinking "SHES SUPPOSED TO!"  I just wanted to scream that out at him but I chose to be respectful but he kept talking about it everytime I was on the phone with him.  "Dumb bitch trying to hit me up for child support."  "Your mom's trying to get every dime out of me to pay child support."  I was thinking "This is something you discuss with your friends NOT YOUR OWN CHILD!" 

I do not grade on a curve. A student turns in the first paper and gets a D or an F, I can't quite remember. The paper is worth 10% of the overall grade. Student disappears for a couple of months. Hasn't turned in a single assignment since the first one, and should have dropped the class. The final exam is all that's left, and it's only worth 20% of the grade.

Student asks, "Can I still pass the class?"

I grade on a strict point system. If you  have 600 points, you pass the class. If you have 599 points, you don't pass. Another student is a few points away from a passing grade. Only the final exam is left. I tell her she has 597 points and that 600 is passing.

She asks me if she should take the final.

Sadly I have many.

One I particularly remember, I work in medicine, I reported a result to a surgeon who then had his secretary phone me to ask what a phenotype was. A medic, even if they are a surgeon, asking that, is like asking Gretchen what a hammer is. Oh the secretary was clearly embarrassed.

I was installing a sky light and my customer asked: "Will this make a mess"
I wanted to say no, as soon as I cut the hole in the roof and the ceiling all the dirt will get sucked right out of the house.

To this day the one remark that stands out as being the dumbest thing I've ever - but ever - had said to me (and I work near bars and on college campuses, so I get to hear lots of stupid crap) was the complete moron who told me (and I'm sure he was just being a pleasant idiot trying to say something nice) the night I graduated high school that I would look back on this time as the best years of my life.

Happily he was 100% wrong.  But yeesh, that was almost a suicidal thought to me at the time.

When I was younger, I often said that I didn't like children and therefore didn't think it was a good idea to have a kid. Just not my thing. Many, many people said that I shouldn't be influenced by my feelings about other people's children. Quite a few advised me to have kids anyway because I would feel differently about my own offspring.

Quote from: Logan Erik on February 24, 2012, 02:31:10 PM
From a prospective pet-sitter, about sheep.  "Don't you feed them any meat?"

This struck me as just the funniest thing. I can't stop giggling.