There seams to be a conflict in my mind in how we decide to transistion. My theripst keeps on insisting that I get stable and happy with my life before and decision on transision (ie it has to be well thought out as to the reason why I transision). Well under that situation I would never transision - why the heck would I want to transision if I am happy.

I have been talking to a few over the last few days about another moddel. How depression brings us to our lowest point and the only way up is to become like I desire. Yes there are many times I wished I was female. Even last Wednesday night went out at the circus it would of been so nice to be female - so many girls had on their skirts.

Under my theripst moddel I would never recognise I am TS. There is no circuit breaker - it is just be happy with myself and hope that I can come of my Meds.  I am in a endless cycle here, Being happy - no Meds - depressed and wanting to transision - first thing is to get stable. What if my brain is defective and I needs something like anti-depression Meds or indeed HRT to remain stable?

If I go down the path like other people I need that depression to recognise I am TS and decide to transision. In this moddel the way I become 100% happy is to transision so that mind and body are fully alined.

Alice

Alice,
   I wouldn't say one has to 'crash' in depression to decide to transition. For me I always knew something was wrong and I was never happy with 'myself'. It took a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng time for me to figure out why. I wasn't depressed. And yet, even though I was happy in life I wasn't fullfilled inside and had to find out what was wrong with me. I now feel like a whole person.
                                                  Kim   
P.S.-I have seen depression in a huge quanity in other events in my life and am so lucky to have avided it this time.

I think it is time to find a new therapist.  How can you ever be "happy" living the lie of pretending to be someone who you are not.

Sarah L.

Alice,
I guess I don't quite understand.  If you are happy and stable, why bother going through the hell of transitioning?

Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on April 06, 2007, 06:58:01 PM
Alice,
I guess I don't quite understand.  If you are happy and stable, why bother going through the hell of transitioning?

Kristi

Thats my point - in my theripst model I would never transistion - it would be a cycle of depression control by pills -> Get happy -> no need to transistion. When I am stable I would never transistion - as I said to someone last night - I am not unhappy as a guy - it is just sometime being a girl would be a better fit.

In depression I think should transistion and want to start straight away. But my theripst is not going to allow me to make decisions on those days.

Alice

Quote from: Alice on April 06, 2007, 07:40:49 PM
I am not unhappy as a guy - it is just sometime being a girl would be a better fit.


Alice

  You just said something that a transsexual would never say.  You're "not unhappy as a guy" - it is just "sometimes" beign a girl would be a better fit.  Listen to your specialist and forget about transition. 

Alice,

If you are not unhappy as a guy, you do not suffer from GID. I would heed Yvonne's advice. Transition is no magic bullet and in fact is very harsh. It is only for those who must. There is no way for you to know you will be happy as a woman, particularly if you are ok with being male.

Transition is for those who thier main problem in that they are not happy in the body they were given because it's the wrong gender. It's not for those who feel they might be happier as the opposite sex.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Quote from: Elizabeth on April 06, 2007, 08:28:52 PM
Alice,

Transition is for those who thier main problem in that they are not happy in the body they were given because it's the wrong gender. It's not for those who feel they might be happier as the opposite sex.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Great advice! 

Let us see if I can string a coherent thought together.

I am in the minding to think that someone who knows exactly what GID is and can recognize the symptoms might be of value. Never once did my therapist think I should 'get my duckies in a row' FIRST. ^*shrug* Sure, it might have been something on his checklist but it was never brought up to me. ( That would imply that I am stable or something wouldn't it? )


As for 'not being unhappy as a guy.'

^*shrug* Hi folks, we deal differently. I was not unhappy as a guy, I was unhappy being ALIVE. No I didn't like the male parts but ^*shrug* Many people find bits of their anatomy they do not like, what makes genitalia special?

Yeah, sure, I always thought I would rather be a girl, but I wasn't. So I dealt with it. ... It is the frame of reference that differs among us for all the similarities GID inflicts upon us. How I dealt with it is unlikely to match how you did. Tis the nature of the individuality of the human beast I suspect.

^*shrug*
Just what I see from where I sit...
Sand in the wind...
Blessed Be.

Dear Alice,

No anti-depression/ anxiety  meds have ever worked in any combination for me.

If they are helping you then you should continue to using them.

Lack of depression is preferred but should not be a requirement to transition.
...................

However I would be very happy if I can figure out how to come to terms with my TG issues which might mean a middle ground.  I think it is good to question yourself and the therapist.

Wendy

Quote from: Alice on April 06, 2007, 07:40:49 PM
Thats my point - in my theripst model I would never transistion - it would be a cycle of depression control by pills -> Get happy -> no need to transistion. When I am stable I would never transistion - as I said to someone last night - I am not unhappy as a guy - it is just sometime being a girl would be a better fit.

I hear what you're saying, but maybe the question is: are you really happy being a guy? Or are the meds simply numbing you to the pain of the underlying GID?

I don't think hating your male body is a requirement of being TS, though it's certainly a symptom. But I'd really hate to see yet another thread degenerate into another "who is and isn't a REAL transsexual" argument. We all bring our unique experiences to this, and GID manifests in different ways for each of us.

Still, it *does* seem that most people don't transition until they basically just cannot stand going on as they are anymore. There ARE no more happy times, no relief from the crushing pain of the GID. But again, you're on meds, so who knows how you REALLY feel? To be  honest, if I were your therapist I wouldn't prescribe HRT yet either - but only because that cycle you describe makes it impossible to know how you're going to feel from one day to the next. You yourself are saying that one day you need to transition, and the next day you're happy living as a male. I can't say I blame her for wanting YOU to be clear and stable with what you need to do.

IMHO, you transition when it's something you want and need with 100% of your being, feeling it every second of every day. When all the denials and coping and lying and working around it and meds and distractions just stop working anymore, and you just KNOW what you have to do. That's why I say it's not so much a decision as an event. You can decide to NOT transition - for awhile. Eventually, those decisions lose their effectiveness, and your transition unfolds as it's been trying to do all along.

Remember: deciding to NOT transition is like trying to hold your breath... for forty-two years (in my case).

Kate

Yikes.
I put off seeing a therapist or talking to a therapist for ten years.  Even though it was suspected when I was 17/18.  The reason why was pretty clear, I was not ready back then, and the circumstances were not right.  I went on some medication for anxiety to little effect, because anxiety medication does not do anything if your issue is with gender identity.

With that being said I don't have constant depression (I do have some degree of depression), but I have a high degree of anxiety.  It has been over the gender identity issues as I saw little bits of my life fall apart.  I am not the type that would attempt suicide, but it has effected my life in a major negative way.  For me starting things off is helping (not completely).  For some it is depression with contemplation of suicide, for me it is a high degree of anxiety. I have noticed as the little steps start to progress, the anxiety does tapper off somewhat. I did not think more feminine glasses and the removal of facial hair would have such a large effect, but it has.  I think even just starting HRT will help as well.  Both my therapist and my future roommate have noticed that there has been positive changes. 

For me it is not transition or die, but it is transition and struggle with an ever increasing degree of anxiety over my gender identity issues and I feel increasingly detached from life.

I think transitioning is not necessarily a life or death situation.  But a situation that must be taken care of if not doing so is having an increasingly negative effect on every aspect of your life.  For me, transitioning is no longer a choice.  Not because I see myself attempting suicide, but because the weight of not transitioning was having a negative effect.

I think the whole philosophy of it being a life or death thing is a bit too far fetched.  Not everybody has depression over this issue, in me and others it manifests in various forms of anxiety.  I was not about to commit suicide, but it was starting to effect my life in such negative ways that seeking the help of a therapist and starting the process of transition was not a matter of choice anymore but necessity.  But I don't think emotional distress needs to be a part of necessarily, it just usually is.

Alice, remember what we talked about.

No one elses experience will be like yours.  But yes, I was a lot like you in trying to make the decision. I had other factors holding me back, but we do share so many of the same feelings.  You may find yourself in the middle of transition and say... "hey, I'm in the middle of transition!"

Cindi

What if one is happy as a woman 75% of the time, happy as man 0% time and happy as something entirely not fitting the binary 25% of the time?

I think it makes sense to transition if the other alternatives seem worse.

Alice,

When I went to my therapist for the first time it was because my anxiety and depression over what I discovered about myself were beginning to overwhelm me.  I did not, however, decide to do a full blown, 100% transition at that time.  I decided to take steps: therapy, going out dressed the way I like, then HRT, to see if this was really a thing I needed to do.  All of these things were, if need presented itself, reversible.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that I came to the conclusion that, although this will affect many parts of my life negatively, I have to do it.  I have to make the final portion of this journey.

I don't think a person can be "stable and happy with [their] life before and decision on transision" when full blown GID is present.  Yet there are still times when being a man in the outside world has its benefits.  It pains me now to know why those benefits are in place, simply because of my perceived gender, but they are still pretty nice to have for the time being.  So perhaps this is what you are perceiving as being happy as a man?  Besides, everyone's journey is different and their best destination is different too.  Completely changing your gender presentation may not be the best thing for you to do.  Perhaps your mix of gender feelings is what you need to accept, rather than transitioning all the way?

Whatever you decide, Alice, will be fine, as far as I'm concerned.  Keep workin' at it,

hugs & smiles
helen

C'n I throw in my two yen, Alice?

How many transgender clients does your therapist have?  If you're it, I would question this person's experience, and I would try to find someone who's had more TG clients than just a couple.  I realize this may not be possible if you're not living in the population centers.  You may need to consider consultation via telephone, in order to gain access to someone with more TG experience.

Are you waiting for your therapist to give you permission to transition?  A good therapist, if you ask for his or her permission, will deny it, knowing that you have to be ready to go ahead anyway and do it on your own.

Are you ready to run an Ironman presenting as female?  Ditch the male drag, grow your hair, get your nails done and wear an ironwoman suit?  Can you be your (female) self in jeans and a nice casual blouse down at the DIY store or the pub?  Or does this not live up to your ideals for either being female or participating in a race/buying plywood and sprinklers/having a few with friends?

Whatever your answers, be comfortable with them.  If you want both of two mutually exclusive (seeming) choices, be honest with yourself, then look for compromise, or even a viewpoint where the contradiction vanishes.

And maybe you'll find that, somewhere along the line, you finally gave YOU permission to transition. 

Karen

Quote from: Alice on April 06, 2007, 05:10:57 PM
Even last Wednesday night went out at the circus it would of been so nice to be female - so many girls had on their skirts.

This is something to reeeeeally question yourself about. Is the drive to be female coming from the need to wear skirts? Do you want to become female in order to wear skirts without fear of ridicule? Would you still want to transition if you could never, ever wear a skirt as a female?

Kate

^*shrug* A skirt is a pretty good symbol of being female. They are just cloth but there is quite a lot of meaning in them nonetheless.

It is perception as much as anything, I suppose.

But that said, Kate has a very good question. If you could be a bona fide female but bared from girlie clothes, never to wear a skirt or anything similar, would you?

Find peace, it is down there somewhere.

Blessed Be.

this is what i said to julie marie;

Quote from: julie marie's threadaction is how you overcome self-doubt. only after action has taken place then your experience will be the teacher of what to do better eventually.

i dont know how to put it more bluntly; if you're [unsure or have a choice pertaining to transition], don't transition.

Quote from: Katia on April 07, 2007, 12:09:03 PM
this is what i said to julie marie;

Quote from: julie marie's threadaction is how you overcome self-doubt. only after action has taken place then your experience will be the teacher of what to do better eventually.

i dont know how to put it more bluntly; if you're [unsure or have a choice pertaining to transition], don't transition.

I believe it was Stormy who, when she told her therapist that she needed to be a woman, was told:


Kate