Hey guys.

I was minding the store alone yesterday when three teenage boys came up to the counter. I waited until they got close and said 'Can I help you guys out?' And one of them went 'WOAH!' and jumped back dramatically, putting his hands up, 'It looks like a woman, but sounds like a man!' It only got worse from there...

They asked me over and over again if I was male or female, 'girl?', 'No, guy?' And then one: 'No wait, are you like a guy, but like, homosexual?' I told them I was a guy, and tried to turn it around on them by joking and going 'Why do you care what's in my pants?' All they did then was get worse, 'You don't look like a man! You don't have a beard!' 'Do you have sex with men?' 'Do you have a penis?' it went on for about ten minutes.

I started panicking and shaking, which really isn't like me, and thankfully our regional manager came into the store and got rid of them, but by then the damage was done. She went home and another worker came in, and I was still shaking and breathing heavily. Realised after a little while that I was having an anxiety attack, and when I told my friend/coworker what happened she decided to stay and make sure I was okay. I had a lunch break to take, but I was shaking and for some reason afraid, and I couldn't force myself to leave the store. I sat in the back room for my half hour break shaking and holding myself.

Just to make me feel even worse, when I got home and told my mother what happened, she just went 'damn' and went back to cooking. Was feeling really terrible, so I took a bunch of sleeping pills and crashed. I woke up today feeling a lot better (though still shaken), and now I'm really just disgusted with myself for letting it get to me so much.

Anyone have any ideas on how to cope with this sort of thing in the future?

Really sorry to hear something like this happened to you. I think, for me to give good advice on how you might handle this sort of thing in the future, I'd have to know what type of place you're working in. I've had jobs where you can easily ask someone to leave if they harass you, and jobs where the customer is always right. To be perfectly honest, if I'd been in that situation, I likely would've frozen, too. I'm sure something like, "Oh, never mind, you're far beyond my help," may not have worked too well. But I probably would just have sent them packing, and if that didn't work, I'd call for a manager or at least pretend to be doing so. Nobody has the right to make you feel like crap just for being who you are, and it sucks that you were placed in what seems to have been a fairly vulnerable position.


Here's hoping you don't have to follow any tips for "next time"; here's hoping there isn't a next time.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't blame you for having an anxiety attack, it was pretty intense for those 10 minutes.

IMO, best thing to say is, 'my gender has nothing to do with the service, get your stuff and leave!' Probably sounds tough but I don't think these guys deserve any kind of explanation, they're just plain rude. Jerks. 

This is why I have panic attacks when alone near teenagers. Bane, don't worry - it's only natural to be shaken up by that.  Honestly, I would have asked them to leave if they persisted like they did.   I understand the "customer is right" policy, but that's harrassment and has nothing to do with the store - it's a personal attack.

I hate teenagers with a passion.  Maybe it's the fact that I'm getting a little older (25) and maybe it's the fact that I'm a teacher, but I probably would have said "that's an extremely inappropriate question to ask someone.  Now drop it or leave, or I'll call the police".  And after that if they say anything more about it I'd tell them to leave now or I'm calling the police and then I'd follow through with it.  Harassing someone is against the law, as is not leaving a place of business when the proprietor tells you to.

wow thats a douche thing to do. that happened to me but im a teenager and they were younger teens. i pretty much just walked away, but you couldnt because you were at work that sucks. i would just tell them to get out and dont come back.

Wow, what a bunch of teenage ->-bleeped-<-s with absolutely no manners or respect for anyone else.  I'm so sorry that happened to you, Bane.  I don't think you should be disgusted with yourself for being shaken up by that.  You were harassed in a cruel way.  I'm sorry your mom didn't have more to say...Maybe she didn't know what to say at all.  I'm glad you're feeling better today.  In the future, maybe alert a manager as soon as possible and not wait for them to intervene?

 That is horrible!  I'm sorry you had to go through that man.  The next time that happens I say stand your ground, pick up the phone and say "Now if you want to make this a problem  I can easily call the police for harrassment so unless you are going to buy something, I suggest you leave..  Now how do you want this to be?"

I am so sorry this had to happen to you. Next time though, don't let it go this far. Immediately threaten them with the police. I can guarantee you, they will leave pretty quickly. I have never seen teenagers act so incredibly stupid. Then again, I am a homebody. Either way, I am sorry your mom didn't react in the way that she should have. Things will get better. And no one deserves to get treated like that.

That's so awful man. Honestly, I would have lost my job that day and they would have had to pull me off of one of those kids. Teenagers can be  cruel, but it will come back round to haunt them.

Thanks for all of the awesome replies guys!

And yeah, I knew even then that I should have (and was well within my rights to) kick them out, but I just kinda froze up and wasn't really able to react. I work in a very supportive environment though, and when my coworked came back (who is currently acting as our store manager) she said that if it ever happened again I could call the mall security, or even the police, and get rid of them. She also said she was glad she wasn't there, or she would have been swearing at them in a very unlady-like manner.

I just couldn't believe it when it happened. The kids were far too young to be acting like that, and I think I just went into shock. Needless to say, the next time it happens I won't be acting the same!

Sorry that happened to you Bane.  Glad to hear you have  support from the management.

I usually freeze with this stuff too.

If someone came up with a good way to handle bullying like this it would make a good Sticky.