Hi folks

I am struggling to find a name I like.  I had gone with Jenna (as you can see).  Now i'm not so sure   It just doesn't seem to sit right.  My boy name is James or Jamie.  I had thought about sticking with Jamie but then family and friends would never truly differentiate between the boy and the girl.

I am considering the following, trying to stick with the initial J if i can, however I am 36 and need to keep it relevant to my age

Jenna - (not given up completely on this)
Jennifer
Jayden - (maybe a bit to current?)

or
April
Orla (quite like this)


I know it's ultimately my choice, but why i am I finding this so difficult?

Thanks
Love from ?

I... actually haven't changed my name yet, legally (nor am I calling myself by my chosen name at the moment), but I went through quite a few different names that I've kept in my head and used over the internet. For me, the ones that didn't stick very well were the names that were so far removed from my boy name that they didn't resemble it in the slightest (which was me trying to disassociate from myself). After I started to go with "Crystal" it felt a lot better, more natural, as it is almost identical sounding to my boy name.

That is just my experience. I like "Jennifer" though.

I hear you. My legal boy name is James too. So I've been sticking to Jamie, but am getting second thoughts. One friend of mine told me to ask my parents what they would of called me if I was a girl. So you might be a way to go. But it is another difficult choice to make.

if you choose a name thats a variation of your original one or is similar to it then it may be hard for people to see you as the new you whereas a totally different looking/sounding/stereotype name will get the message about transitioning across better - and if you choose a little initial pendant for your necklace the visual reminder is there for everyone to see.

here's my 3 transition markers.   

I thought I had settled on Lynn myself, but I'm getting some doubts as well now. It's nowhere near what my boy name was though which is good.

My boy name is Yannick (but I've always gone by Nick) and a lot of people have suggested I go with like Nikki or something, but eh @ that.
Also my mom always said that if I had been a girl (and she along with the doctors were convinced I was until the day I was born, fun fact right there) my name would've been Rebecca ... but I honestly just don't like that name lol.

It is quite a hard decision to make though, as it's something that has to stick with you for a long time, so I suggest not doing what I did and really carefully considering all the options. If I do change mine again in the future I'll only do so after having used my new chosen name for a while (for when talking to myself, because I do that a lot) and still being comfortable with it.

I'm a similar age. I'd say Jenifer or maybe Julie if your sticking with J names. Julie sounds cute too me. Good luck

Quote from: BrokenCode on November 06, 2011, 03:56:12 PM
I hear you. My legal boy name is James too. So I've been sticking to Jamie, but am getting second thoughts. One friend of mine told me to ask my parents what they would of called me if I was a girl. So you might be a way to go. But it is another difficult choice to make.

I like this idea.  I have actually considered this.  My dad named me as my mum named my brother ( i am a twin).  Maybe I should ask my dad to rename me both first and middle name.  I seem to remember he once said he would have called me Juliet if i was a girl?  I wonder what he would choose this time and if he would remember?  It is still early days with the transition and I may wait a while for dad to get more comfortable before asking him to name me.

Thanks everyone for your replies xxxx

Still struggling here for a name.  I have continued to trial Jenna within my close circle of friends, but it often gets shortened to Jen.  I don't mind this, but my name is something I will need for the rest of my life.

I was considering asking my dad to name me as he named me at birth.  The risk with that is he is nearing 70 so who knows what i may be called!

At the moment I am playing with the name Caira pronounced (Keh-ra) or sounds like (carer). 

The saga continues.....

IMHO, I think it's best to stay away from a modification of your original name: it's just too confusing for people, and it will hinder their seeing you as female. But you really have to go with whatever 'feels' right for you! I had a similar choice to make because my original name is androgynous (though I would change the spelling to the 'female' form). But I've decided on keeping the same initial, but a diff, obviously female, name.

April, go with april

I had a little struggle like this myself (though I haven't legally changed anything).

I originally tried the feminine version of my real name. Went with it for actually a long time but it never felt right. Then I went with the name I would have been giving if I was actually born with the correct genitalia. That name felt worse so I only stuck with that for about a month.

I ended up finding a pretty good name, Brenna. It's a little like my legal name, but not close enough to where it could be hard on people. It basically just shares syllables and the first letter.

It's something everyone has to go through. The most important thing is to find a name that YOU are comfortable with.

I knew what I wanted to be called (if I was a girl) since I was in high school - Maja (pronounced Maia), a very common female name here.

I never saw rare or odd names attractive when you speak out your name, most people go "wtf?".

Caira, I too, am finding it difficult. It can all become quite obsessive. Imogen has only been a temp' name while I've been exploring alternatives. Seems there's not a week that goes by when I'll hear or read about one I've yet to consider..

But there's other reasons:

- My partner thinks I'm just perfectionistic or either prone to lots of self doubt about finding a final name and she may be right.

- Probably due to my age (40's) I've come to feel that anything really "alternative" or different is going to sound a bit contrived, new agey - as if one's midlife crisis was spent being initiated to some sect in India. I don't care what others might think so much, but I'd rather something they can grasp onto without too many associations.

- I don't want to offend any folks I know if I pick one of their more straightforward names; they might feel a bit weird about it.

- Back in childhood, I had the name Jenny floating around. But now I don't have quite the same feeling for it. But perhaps just feeling is not the right way to go about it either. I'm sure lots of non-trans people have reservations about their birth name..

It's very difficult.

If your mother is supportive ask her what she would have named you. My mother is supportive, she said she would have named me Samantha. So my name is Samantha. I find if you take away the choice, the name feels a little more natural.

Quote from: Caira on November 06, 2011, 03:13:30 PM
I know it's ultimately my choice, but why i am I finding this so difficult?

Because it's a choice you're able to make for yourself.

Like going into a coffee shop and being asked what kind of coffee you'd like. Such things can lead to traumatic episodes and mental overloads. There are people in therapy right now suffering flashbacks due to the phenomenon of The Caffeine Complexity Conundrum, as it's come to be called.

Far easier if someone puts a coffee down in front of you and says "Here, drink this."

Here's an alternative: Don't choose the name, let the name choose you. Stop thinking about it for a while and pay attention to your waking life and your dreams. See if there's a name that keeps recurring, one that feels right. It worked for me.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 01, 2012, 10:26:08 PM
Here's an alternative: Don't choose the name, let the name choose you. Stop thinking about it for a while and pay attention to your waking life and your dreams. See if there's a name that keeps recurring, one that feels right. It worked for me.

It also worked great for me.  Sometimes a name will just keep presenting itself until you find it.

Quote from: Jeneva on March 02, 2012, 06:51:35 AM
It also worked great for me.  Sometimes a name will just keep presenting itself until you find it.

Tried this... and not much luck - almost as if the whole matter just loses steam - other things take over (probably more important..https://www.susans.org/forums/Smileys/susans/huh.gif

UGHHHH!!!! I know what you mean! I love my name because it's so unique for a boys name. I love what it means too (it's in another language). I've tried to look for female versions of this name in the same language and they sound terrible. I'm right there with you on that struggle.  I use Stephanie online but I also like Jessicah, and Zen. I'm not sure. Good Luck to you though.

There's no wrong choice other than not choosing. Most people are stuck with a name someone else chooses and they do just fine. Do yourself a favor and give yourself a name, then get on with your life.

Lyric ~

I think more important than choosing a name is making it yours. I picked my first name for no other reason than that it felt right. I picked my middle name to honor the person who helped pay for the name change. It was foreign to me, but now I love it. Because it's mine. Whatever you pick you'll be able to rock it pretty well and develop good associations with it.