Quote from: Ayden on March 07, 2012, 03:07:07 PM
I guess I am the odd man out. I don't really grieve for anything. I am the same person at the end of the day. Everyone changes a little bit every day, so I just view it as growing up a little more. Despite whatever name I am being called, whether it is my birth or chosen one still refer to the same person. But, that's just me.

This. I mentioned up thread, I'm still the same person, just different looking. 

One other thing I miss is my appearance -- as in, I looked my actual age and was pretty good-looking for a female. I don't have that kind of natural attractiveness as a guy, I look younger and smaller than those my age. It's worth it, though.

Quote from: niamh on March 07, 2012, 11:08:48 AM
I just regret coming out as it has led to nothing positive in my life and many negative things.

Ouch. That's awful. I hate when it goes this way for people.

Quote from: niamh on March 07, 2012, 11:08:48 AM
I just regret coming out as it has led to nothing positive in my life and many negative things.

  I hope it gets better for you, girl.

I wouldn't grieve for the man that was left behind. He has proven to be strong enough (thus far) to be able to manage any storm in his path.  I do though grieve for the boy that never had the chance to grow up liking the things other boys liked. I also grieve for the girl that never got the chance to share the things she liked with the other girls when they were relevant to her.

I only hope that one day the woman that may be can use the memories and knowledge passed to her as a source of strength.

Quote from: Kyle_S on March 07, 2012, 07:18:09 PM
  I hope it gets better for you, girl.

Quote from: Felix on March 07, 2012, 05:52:43 PM
Ouch. That's awful. I hate when it goes this way for people.

Thanks.

Quote from: Kyle_S on March 05, 2012, 08:42:51 PM
Hey, just wondering if I'm weird.

Anyone (guys, girls, all feel free to chime in) ever grieve the person you previously were after you decided to take steps toward presenting and transitioning?
I've just finished looking at my binder full of certificates through the years, and I feel almost completely disconnected from the girl listed. I mean, obviously, I'm not even legally that person anymore. I think I'm grieving. What are other ppl's experiences with this phenomenon? Am I the only one like this?

I don't miss who I was, but I miss the relationships I had with people...Like my dad.

Quote from: LivingInGrey on March 07, 2012, 09:09:42 PM
I only hope that one day the woman that may be can use the memories and knowledge passed to her as a source of strength.

I've only been in transition for a couple of years, but I've found this is happening for me already. It's especially coming in handy when mixing with other people who, for some reason or another, have gone through things "she" did, so I can draw on that when I need to.

But yeah, my old school certificates still have my old name on them - that really needs fixing once I'm over surgery (still off sick from work ATM) - maybe once I get my GRC and change my birth certificate. Also, am I the only one whose heart still skips a beat on hearing my old name mentioned by people?

I don't grieve my past life; I've known since age 4 I was supposed to have been born a boy. As dysfunctional as my family is, my parents pretty much let me do what I wanted in terms of interests & clothing; heck I was basically socialized male or non-gendered beginning around age 5 when my parents woke up to the fact that I was not going to be a typical little girl lol.

I look at it like this: it is still all my life; I've evolved and am evolving. It doesn't necessarily have to be black-and-white PRE and POST transtion if you don't want it to be. You gotta be happy dude! Do what works for you

I feel completely disconnected from my past life. It really is bizarre when I see old photos and think "whoa! That used to be ME?" It's hard cos I live in a small town and was well-known by a lot of people as a musician and "Mr and Mrs...'s girl" Now, people don't always even know who I am. It doesn't help that even before I transitioned, I had already changed emotionally and socially from the person I was before - after I went to Uni, I was much more confident and unwilling to go to the same middle-class social functions I had let myself get dragged to in the past!

I do think trying to connect back to the person I was before is going to happen as I progress through transition and can see it through less defensive eyes. I've been so busy trying to prove to my parents that I am definitely their son rather than their daughter, that I have lost sight of the importance of showing them that in other ways I am always the person they loved and raised for 20 years. Now maybe I can see why they didn't believe me when I said "but I'm the same person inside!"

Having said that, I don't want to dwell too much on the past. I am very happy that I am progressing towards becoming physically male, and I have a wonderful partner and group of friends that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't been honest with myself and made this decision.

For me, there's a couple aspects:

First, the "new phase" of life...like after you get married/get a degree/have kids etc, your life before seems so...odd.

What were you like in high school? Then you had to get out and work for a living...working =/= being in school...totally different life/lifestyle.

Get in college, you might think it's the same as HS...but it's not.

Get married, all your single friends go away, hello new, married friends! Very much before/after life.

Get kids? WHOA! Huge, huge change, especially the first one. After that, more kids = same life, just MORE of it.

Second, I look a pics of me from 2+ years ago, and of course still have memories of things...but "he" is not "me" at all. Even my body wasn't "mine" until I started the feminization process (including HRT).

Haven't grieved yet. So far, I see no need for it. "He" was just a hollow shell, a pretend person.

I think I sort of get where you're coming from, Kyle.

I haven't been able to start HRT (though I will schedule an appointment to get that ball rolling pretty soon), and I haven't yet changed my name or the gender marker on my license, but still I've begun to disconnect from my birth name and sort of rebuild myself as Noah.

I also was one of the fortunate ones who was allowed to do pretty much as I wished as a kid as far as gender goes, with very few exceptions. So I've more begun processing my past to fit the person I'm working on now than disconnected from it all really (though I know, had I been the proper sex beforehand, my past as a "real boy" would have likely been quite different in some respects). But I am disconnecting from the name I was given because I don't want to associate with it and I don't want to react any time I hear it, especially as it's a pretty common name.

I don't know what I might someday do with my high school diploma...maybe I'll let my parents keep it, I don't know. The other day I did toss my cap and gown from high school though as they were color coded, so to speak, according to "gender." Maybe had I come out years ago I could have had a maroon cap and gown and been proud to keep it, but now instead I just have my tassle hanging up to commemorate graduation. I'm not sure I'll keep any of my awards or anything with my given name, but I imagine I will be proud of anything with the right name on it, which makes it all the more important to have that changed before I get my associate's degree.

I have changed a little bit as Noah, being able to be Noah, but it's been for the good. I'm doing better, and if I have to disconnect a bit from certain things in order to continue to do so and continue to be who I want to be, who I really am, then I don't see it as anything to grieve. That was not really who I was supposed to be anyways. I can understand people grieving for who they were or had to be, because as others have said before it was a major part of one's life, but I guess for me it's been a little more like getting rid of someone in my life who was holding me back a bit or impacting me negatively...and I've never really grieved that.

I'm working on freeing myself, and the more I can disconnect from that name and what it holds the freer I'll be.

Quote from: HarryP on March 10, 2012, 03:14:34 PM
I feel completely disconnected from my past life. It really is bizarre when I see old photos and think "whoa! That used to be ME?" It's hard cos I live in a small town and was well-known by a lot of people as a musician and "Mr and Mrs...'s girl" Now, people don't always even know who I am. It doesn't help that even before I transitioned, I had already changed emotionally and socially from the person I was before - after I went to Uni, I was much more confident and unwilling to go to the same middle-class social functions I had let myself get dragged to in the past!

I look at old pictures of me like that too. And Finally, someone understands somewhat what I'm talking about....as I already said, I do not grieve a girl existence....Its that I feel out of touch with the person I used to be, the person my friends befriended. Why? Because I feel that same emotional and social change immensely already, without T. Every day, Kyle gets stronger and old me floats away.  This IS who I am, and my friends have stated "Yes, you are a different person" to me. I'm obviously losing that part of me that they have been friends with for 7-18 years.  I don't know how else to explain, and it gets frustrating trying to

Quote from: mic on March 09, 2012, 12:30:25 AM
I don't miss who I was, but I miss the relationships I had with people...

That's basically my stance; I've always been the same person, I just look a little different now and go by a different name. Apart from that, I just miss the way my family used to treat me; i.e., like a human being.

I think w/me there's people around me who grieve a "loss" though I feel an immense amount of disgust w/the individual I portrayed myself as for...almost a whole year. That almost year was the only time I tried to present as female to stop being bothered by the people I was around at that time.

As for documents with my birth name, it's weird. As others mentioned, there's often this disconnect.

I was cleaning and came across my informed consent paperwork. I didn't get HRT through informed consent (ie I did counseling and got a letter), but I still had to demonstrate that I was informed and did consent. The note across the top says SPECIFIC INFORMED CONSENT FOR HORMONE THERAPY FOR MEN OF TRANSGENDER EXPERIENCE, and I feel pretty disconnected from the person (or kind of person?) who has to sign such a thing.

So me and my "best friend" seem to be getting very distant now. I think it may be that she's really seeing how much things are changing now, and is uncomfortable with it. It's been even worse since I stopped going with her to the women's bathroom and stuff. How has anyone talked to their friends about this?

Quote from: Kyle_S on March 18, 2012, 04:23:14 PM
So me and my "best friend" seem to be getting very distant now. I think it may be that she's really seeing how much things are changing now, and is uncomfortable with it. It's been even worse since I stopped going with her to the women's bathroom and stuff. How has anyone talked to their friends about this?

Someone I was best friends with and I have done the same thing.  We've both just gone down different paths in life.  I haven't talked to her since my birthday 2 1/2 months ago.  She's not quite getting the hint that our paths don't cross and I think she's hurt, but she won't actually say it.  We're both just very distant these days.  And she holds onto the past and the relationship we used to have and she fails to see the changes I've made for myself making things even more difficult...

First time I had to change my name, I grieved intensely, because of a feeling of 'I did all this, and no one will ever know it was me...' I even secretly used my old name several times in simple situations, just to feel better. Hell, I even got away with joining a dojo with my original name - they never checked :-D The second name change, though was much easier. I guess I got used to being a fluid person, no real history, no strong social connections. I think this time, a name and gender change will be a walk in the park. Sometimes I get this strike of terror and panic that I'm destroying all that I've done, again, but it passes, and I feel better afterwards. I think it's perfectly natural to grieve, it kind of is like someone is dying/being replaced. It's like the loss of a family member/close confidante.

As far as the friends distancing thing, no advice from here. I'm usually the one distancing, so... All I can wish you is new friendships and happier days! :-D

I completely understand what your saying here. For me personally the hardest struggle I had with starting T wasnt the changes as much as the letting go. For the last 27 years I have been one person, tied into being female. I was raised to be proud to be a female and such, in a family of nothing but females. I sparked out in my own way and have been boyish most of my teens and young adult life but never completely male.
I just got my T today. I will be taking it in a few hours. Most of what I went through in therapy and in life in the last year has been letting go of who I was. I love the quote from a song "Who iam only ever made me." Im sure this is different for everyone but for me, im not losing who I was. Im changing the sex, but Im still an intelligent, caring, family loving, indepth, open minded person. That will never change no matter the sex. I hope this helps.

Devon