I keep wondering if this feeling
will ever go away
There's a roller
coaster
in my brain
that fills my mind with hatred
toward my body
toward my future
toward my past
And I try my best to look away
and find faith
and refuge
in my choices

But it hurts so bad sometimes
like it needs to end somehow

I hate my hair
and I wish I'd started sooner
I worry I will be
alone
and ugly
for the rest of my life

I just want it to END

Hi Dhamma,

Your thoughts and feelings are not unusual. Most of us have been there, where your writings are. And on a positive note, yes, it will end. In 5 days you'll be visiting your physician who will hopefully prescribe HRT for you. In some cases, people have reported having experienced a great sense of relief and clarity form HRT. Equally some have had the opposite reaction. It's such a personal experience for us all. Perhaps now is a good time to look into some of your Buddistbeliefs and see if there is some clarification for you there.

In the meantime, keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine