Working out is like a lot of other things - at first it sucks. It's actually .... WORK. It's hard ... it's difficult to motivate and fit into your schedule and it's a hell of a lot easier to just say screw it and fall back into that comfortable depression you've grown so familiar with.

If you stick with the workouts though, there are high chances you will feel better ... and look better. But you have to want it more than you want to stay depressed (and by that, I mean it's the easier route - to NOT do anything).

I'm not on T but working out for a year now has definitely changed my body shape. Working out can actually raise (to a small extent) natural T levels. It seems I'm getting muscles like some of the guys here who are on T and the only thing I've done differently is work out. I know there's only so far I can go with that. Working out isn't going to grow me a beard or anything, but I'm fine with that. I never had any intentions of being a body builder, I just wanted to be more fit and muscular.

You're really letting all this stuff drag you down more and fixating on things - you've got this "perfect vision" in your head of what's supposed to be happening or how you're supposed to look and it's not happening that way and you can't see other ways to make yourself more comfortable and confident.

And like everyone else said, hormones effect every person differently.

In the scheme of things, a year isn't a long time, just be patient. It's hard, but you will get there

As for being fat, well that didn't happen over night, so don't expect to lose it over night, start excersizing slowly, build up to bigger things, and don't overwhelm yourself.

I weigh over 300 pounds as I comfort ate to crazy obesity, I did it for years, I've lost  37.6 pounds in just over a month, 3 of those have weeks I've been on t. But I've had to work very hard and eat a very sensible diet for that.

Www.bodybuilding.com

Go there, read the fat loss section. Read the other stuff too if you want to.

But losing weight isn't hard, burn more than you force down your neck and you'll be fine.

Track everything you put in via myfitmesspal or similar, get off your ass and use natures treadmill.

intermittent fasting can and does work, but you need to be sensible about it - again link above.


If you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and can't move the rock, ask for help and someone will help,you move it.

I'm really glad that T is helping me but I'd take it even if it didn't. I was supposed to be naturally producing it, and I don't care if the effects are good, bad, or neutral, I just want to feel like I'm what I'm supposed to be.

I love the acne, I love the body odor, I love the hair in stupid places. I love those things because I love humans and I love being one. Sometimes I don't pass. But I'm not faking anything anymore. It's okay. Lower your expectations.

Quote from: Felix on March 09, 2012, 02:29:35 AM
I'm really glad that T is helping me but I'd take it even if it didn't. I was supposed to be naturally producing it, and I don't care if the effects are good, bad, or neutral, I just want to feel like I'm what I'm supposed to be.

I love the acne, I love the body odor, I love the hair in stupid places. I love those things because I love humans and I love being one. Sometimes I don't pass. But I'm not faking anything anymore. It's okay. Lower your expectations.

yep, thats exactly how I feel... except for the "I love humans" part lol

Everyone else has really good advice.  Pretty much everything I want to say except...I really think you ought to see a professional about this if you aren't already.  You're obviously very depressed and have low self-esteem.  While this is a support site and you should definitely keep coming here for that reason, talking to someone who is trained and objective would good idea.

I can't remember, but did you get on T by informed consent or did you have a therapist's letter?  If you saw a therapist, I recommend that you talk to them about the problems you're having.  There's only so much we at Susan's can help you.

Quote from: Felix on March 09, 2012, 02:29:35 AM
I'm really glad that T is helping me but I'd take it even if it didn't. I was supposed to be naturally producing it , and I don't care if the effects are good, bad, or neutral, I just want to feel like I'm what I'm supposed to be.

This is why I don't understand why any non-queer identified FTM could stop taking testosterone. I see all these videos on Youtube and sure, they give their own reasons for it...but they always still leave me with, "But if you were supposed to be a guy, why would you want estrogen dominating your body again? Someone is bound to come up to you and tell you that most men are dominated by testosterone, not estrogen..." I can even see the longer this guys are off testosterone how they slowly feminize and sort of revert back to the way they used to look, because not all changes are permanent. Some of the guys are just like, "Oh yeah, I got off testosterone because the opportunity presented itself..." I don't know it just perplexes me and saddens me at the same time, because I don't think doing something like that would ever fall into my realm of thinking, unless it seemed like it was a threat to my life.

@JasonRX I know a guy that stopped after a few years. He had an easily grown full beard, a deep voice, body hair, top surgery, and bottom surgery. The thing that made him most dysphoric was his shots so he stopped.

Quote from: Nygeel on March 09, 2012, 10:31:58 AM
@JasonRX I know a guy that stopped after a few years. He had an easily grown full beard, a deep voice, body hair, top surgery, and bottom surgery. The thing that made him most dysphoric was his shots so he stopped.

There's always implantable pellets.
Also, not taking any sort of hormones after bottom surgery can cause a lot of bone density issues, so there's actually health complications that would come along with that.

Quote from: JasonRX on March 09, 2012, 10:47:01 AM
There's always implantable pellets.
Also, not taking any sort of hormones after bottom surgery can cause a lot of bone density issues, so there's actually health complications that would come along with that.

He didn't have his ovaries removed, completely safe.

I am seeing a counselor. I've been seeing her for over 10 years. She know everything that's going on.

I'm gonna try to set a workout routine for myself and lose this weight once and for all.

Thanks guys for all the responses.

Quote from: Nygeel on March 09, 2012, 01:21:54 PM
He didn't have his ovaries removed, completely safe.

If he didn't have his ovaries remove, isn't there a chance he could still have his period unless he was post-menopausal?
I could see a lot of complications coming from that and it doesn't seem completely safe to me. That's why I assume he had his ovaries removed.

I don't think so because there's no uterus. my grandma had everything but a small piece of her ovaries out. No period, but no menopause either because she had a small amount of E.

Quote from: JasonRX on March 09, 2012, 01:52:09 PM
If he didn't have his ovaries remove, isn't there a chance he could still have his period unless he was post-menopausal?
I could see a lot of complications coming from that and it doesn't seem completely safe to me. That's why I assume he had his ovaries removed.

Not sure. I know he has a doctor monitoring him and that a year without sex hormones likely wont do any damage. Long term, probably...but he's got a doctor. No problems.

Quote from: JasonRX on March 09, 2012, 10:47:01 AM
There's always implantable pellets.
Also, not taking any sort of hormones after bottom surgery can cause a lot of bone density issues, so there's actually health complications that would come along with that.

Pellets are extremely expensive, and while some are able to get insurance coverage for it, not all are.

Quote from: JasonRX on March 09, 2012, 01:52:09 PM
If he didn't have his ovaries remove, isn't there a chance he could still have his period unless he was post-menopausal?
I could see a lot of complications coming from that and it doesn't seem completely safe to me. That's why I assume he had his ovaries removed.

You can get your uterus removed while leaving in the ovaries.

Ah dude, it will be OK! I was on T for a full year before I could grow any semblance of facial hair & now it comes in pretty nicely....yet I know of guys who have been on T for YEARS and can barely grow scruff. It's all about genetics and your individual body. Hang in there!!!

Thanks!

Quote from: JasonRX on March 09, 2012, 10:09:13 AM
This is why I don't understand why any non-queer identified FTM could stop taking testosterone. I see all these videos on Youtube and sure, they give their own reasons for it...but they always still leave me with, "But if you were supposed to be a guy, why would you want estrogen dominating your body again? Someone is bound to come up to you and tell you that most men are dominated by testosterone, not estrogen..." I can even see the longer this guys are off testosterone how they slowly feminize and sort of revert back to the way they used to look, because not all changes are permanent. Some of the guys are just like, "Oh yeah, I got off testosterone because the opportunity presented itself..." I don't know it just perplexes me and saddens me at the same time, because I don't think doing something like that would ever fall into my realm of thinking, unless it seemed like it was a threat to my life.

I have a whole other way of looking at this. What is natural for me, is what's natural for the body I got. That's reality. Fantasy is thinking that my body needs more T than what it's naturally producing to be normal. The "supposed to be" only exists in my mind, but I'm still forced to deal with the physical reality that is. Obviously, that's a opposite viewpoint, but that's the way I think about it. I wouldn't let it make you sad though ... you've got your view on it and other people have theirs.

And @Dominick_81 - it's gonna be tough to motivate, but stick with the workout routine I really do think it will help. Exercise is even supposed to raise endorphin levels - which would naturally counteract depression.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on March 10, 2012, 01:39:26 PM
I have a whole other way of looking at this. What is natural for me, is what's natural for the body I got. That's reality. Fantasy is thinking that my body needs more T than what it's naturally producing to be normal. The "supposed to be" only exists in my mind, but I'm still forced to deal with the physical reality that is. Obviously, that's a opposite viewpoint, but that's the way I think about it. I wouldn't let it make you sad though ... you've got your view on it and other people have theirs.

You have to bear mind to the fact that there are people with naturally high levels of hormones in their body, some of who have doctors who insist they go on hormones to correct it. These people are not trans - so, I get what you're saying, but from a medical and scientific approach, the hormones your body produce may not be always right or healthy for you. It's almost like saying that the amount of insulin your body produces for you will always be right and healthy and you should do nothing to replace it. What you said doesn't make me sad - it's just a totally different way of looking at things that I don't necessarily agree with. And I'm okay with that. I read why you went off hormones and you said they made you feel crazy - that's a more legitimate reason than "oh, because I was given a chance" anyway.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on March 09, 2012, 01:49:51 PM
I am seeing a counselor. I've been seeing her for over 10 years. She know everything that's going on.

I'm gonna try to set a workout routine for myself and lose this weight once and for all.

Thanks guys for all the responses.

I'm glad you have a therapist. I hope you feel you can trust her and derive good benefit from the relationship.

I think a workout routine, or any way you can find to incorporate more physical activity into your everyday life, is worth going to great lengths to make happen. I'm happy with my weight but I feel bad when I don't exercise enough. Using your body in good ways will make you happy.

Thanks! Hopefully I can get in a routine soon.