Hi idontknow,
Welcome to Susan's. We are a pretty friendly bunch here, so you are free to ask anything you like. Congratulations on being so open and honest with yourself. That is a major step forward. To make things easier for yourself, it's probably not a good idea to tell anyone about your feelings until you've seen professional help or fully understand the process you are in and know how to explain that to people who don't really understand. It can only confuse them.
Well, it's over to you now. Just ask whatever you like. in the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine