Sometimes I worry because I don't have unambiguous memory of motive when I was a young child thus I don't know if I fit the "classical" trans norm. although I do have memories that both support and undermine the theory of me begin a GID young child.

My first unambiguous dysphoric feelings and the conception of the "Please help me god, Really I wish I was a girl." idea began at age 11.

I remember being around 4 playing dressups with the GG next door.  I remember feeling very comfortable and loved being dressed as a girl.  Until the adults told me that it was inappropriate, that hurt and confused me for a long time.  I clearly recall when I was 9 wishing desperately to wake up as a girl.  Now at 39 I am taking it further then i have before, the future is unclear right now, but maybe plan A will become reality?!?!

Woo boy...that's a tricky one.  I remember always hating being given girl's things when I was little. I wanted the trucks and the action figures and the cool water guns. Gender wasn't an issue for me when I was young...I just was. I knew what I liked and went for it. As I got older, I just refused the gender classification. I felt so misplaced from my peers (the girls playing with silly dolls, the boys refusing to let you join them because you were a girl...grr!) that I convinced myself that I was neutral. I was a nothing. I've dressed and behaved by that code ever since.
There were several times when I was a teenager that I thought about ->-bleeped-<-. I even researched it and the effects of T, the various surgeries possible....But back then, I never imagined it could apply to me. I just thought I was a freak there was no helping, lol. There were also a ton of issues then that...well...made me utterly hate humanity as a whole and retreat into myself. I actually don't remember most of High School. ^_^;
It's only very recently that I've realized just why I've hated myself, my body, the role my family tries to force me into, everything so much. Literally, it was like putting glasses on for the first time, and finally seeing everything you already saw, only clearly. Everything clicked.

I'm a guy, simple as that.

Oh..er...in response to the actual question...age 26! 

I realized at 7 that something was wrong and even at 18 i am searching for answers...

I knew I wasn't a girl when I was about 4 (I know this because that's the age I started refusing to wear pink, and I remember thinking that I couldn't tell my mother why because she'd get mad - one of those odd flashes of vivid memory from early childhood). I knew I wanted to be a boy by age 7.

I found the early Internet as a preteen, and the word "transgender" very shortly thereafter by searching phrases like 'want to be a boy'. Unfortunately, I also found a lot of misinformation steeped in the assumption that transmen were straight, so I was afraid to seek out medical professionals at the time. I did bind quite often and pack occasionally as a teen though, not trying to pass, just trying to be comfortable with myself. Then I detransitioned as a young adult. Sexuality and employability overshadowed identity for years.

As far as "doing" anything serious about it...well, I'm now 27, and still haven't. I'm back to the presentation I had as a teen though, which is something.

How old was I? I knew at the age of 6yrs old since my childhood that I'm a girl. Back then my parents didn't know who to turn to for help about my gender identity issues, and so I was forced to suppress the ways that I naturally think and acted like a female. Later on in my adulthood is when I finally decided to do something about it, to make my transition.

It's hard to pinpoint when I first realised I should be male, because there were several clues that I just didn't cotton onto for various reasons.

I spent my childhood days (around 10 or so) climbing the tree that overhung into our garden, and kicking a ball around with my brother. Even joined a female football team in one youth group. I spent my teenage years in black (first signs of being goth?). Spent a good portion of that time trying out make-up, skirts etc., but something never quite felt right. It was like I was doing it to fit in, rather than something I wanted to do.

Fast forward a decade or so, to when time and other things took their toll on my mind. I was being treated for depression that had been there as long as I can remember. Mum was the first to suggest that I may have a gender issue, when I was in my mid-twenties. Decided after a while that I had too much other stuff to think about, I didn't need that too - so buried it.

Fast forward once more, to the present. I'm now thirty years old. Most of the old stuff has been dealt with, leaving just this one issue. I've been increasingly aware of the times I've wanted to just hit a button and morph into a guy, and how it drove me nuts. Had my first doctor's appointment tonight - feels so good to be finally doing something about it.

There's something mystical about replying to a thread in which the OP has left. 

I think it started about 6 but it definately started to hit me hard at the age of 9 when our grade school had a special class to teach use about our bodies.  I remember feeling so awkward in the class for girls because I knew I should have been in there with the boys.  This woman taught us about growing breasts and having periods and I just felt so dysphoric because it was going to happen and there's not a damn thing I could do to stop it.

Later on in life I say about late middle school early high school I learned about transgendered people from watching Max on The L Word.  I followed him closely as some of his life resembled mine.  Seeing him get angry while on testosterone kind of scared me off transitoning so I put transitioning on the backburner and aside from that I figured this is just a tv show and it's rare for people to do that.

Then I started watching documentaries on trans people.  I remember one on MTV where the gentleman was saving for top surgery and I thought to myself, "I'm SOOOO getting that.  No wait I'll still be fat so thats the point of losing the boobs if I can't show off my chest?"  Aside from that the needles and RLE kind of scared me so I put it on the backburner AGAIN!

Eventually my dysphoria all started to come crashing down on me and I went into a deep depression.   I started looking up more info and guys who have went through this and figured if they can do it I can too so with some hard thinknig on it last year was the year that I officially decided I need to transition.

I was 3 years old and I still remember the day when I walked out wearing a pair of earrings my girl cousins put on me and some make up and I felt so perfect. That's when I knew I was not in the right body.

17

 At seven, I believe, I wanted to be a girl. I also thought I might have just been a crossdresser at the time, too. It's interesting how it developed, but I didn't actually figure out that I felt that I was a girl until I started hormones at seventeen - then, I pretty much knew for sure, although I do embrace the pieces of masculinity in myself (which I am told is pretty universal among women).

So yeah. At least I'm not pretending; definitely not stereotypical, but hey, I'm a pretty wicked-awesome girl. 

It's great to see that I'm not oddly old/young to go through this whole deal.

I love hearing other people's stories!

I'm 22 and finally getting started on this whole thing, though I've "known" forever. My parents thought it was cute/funny when I was little, now they're not too happy about it (though I'm still in the closet around them.)

I would've loved to have gone through high school as male, but I'm guessing it's a blessing I didn't transition then, because I'm from a very conservative area.

The earliest I can remember is about 4 years old, and some time before then I had a surgery that involved my genitals but have no idea what.  My parents have always refused to talk about it, only that the operation took place. 

Anyway, I remember telling my mom that I was a girl when I was 4, and she sure was angry. I just felt like I was one of the girls, like my friends who were girls.  That is, until I hit puberty-horrible experience.

So I have known I'm not a man basically my entire life, as I imagine is the case with many others here. 

I wanted to transition at around 18-20, but just had no clue how and had no knowledge of what hormones could do.

I did begin transition at 28, but had a major setback so I didn't continue.

Today I'm 33 and there's no obstacles in sight, will begin transition this year

Back when I was very young- this must have been about five or six- I used to always pretend to be a girl when me and my friends played games, to the point that I got something of a reputation for it, and I once insisted in my bemused parents buying me girl's toys. I didn't connect this with actually wanting to be a girl in real life at the time, however, at least not consciously.

At some point I discovered the idea of a sex change operation and I knew right away I wanted to have one, although if someone had asked me then I wouldn't have been able to say why. I always pushed this desire firmly to the back of my mind, because the idea of telling my parents was too terrifying. I did that for a long time- every so often someone would bring up the subject and I'd fantasize about it for awhile ("maybe I can move to another country and have the operation without telling anyone") and then push it away again. Despite this I didn't identify with any concept of being transgender or having gender identity issues. I just knew I wanted to be a woman for some reason. Yeah, I know, that probably should have been a bit of a tip-off.

I'm 24 now and on the cusp of finishing up with college and moving into my proper adult life. It was only in the last few months that I started to consider the idea without running away from it. Once I started reading the experiences of Trans people I had a "eureka" moment where a lot of stuff clicked into place for me (I guess you could say I came out to myself).

I don't know what direction this is going to lead me in. Now that I've realised it's a serious possibility and not a pipe dream (I didn't even know about hormones until I came here) I want to start transitioning right away, but various factors make that financially impossible just at the moment. When I'm out of college though, who knows?

When I understood and accepted that I was a woman? 26.

All the signs were there, I just took me that long to get it. I always had an iron lock on "I can't be happy living as a man like people want me to". I had to unpack a lot of misconception before I could delete those last five words. Same with turning "Being around women's 'things' makes me happy" to "Being a woman makes me happy". Embarrassingly, I had very selective blindness when it came to telling the difference between sex/gender identity and gender expression.

For the longest time, I believed I couldn't be transsexual solely because I didn't fit the mold of the straight naturally super feminine heteronormative women who knew it with crystal clarity from their first waking moment.

Quote from: pebbles on February 21, 2010, 06:55:51 PM
Sometimes I worry because I don't have unambiguous memory of motive when I was a young child thus I don't know if I fit the "classical" trans norm. although I do have memories that both support and undermine the theory of me begin a GID young child.

My first unambiguous dysphoric feelings and the conception of the "Please help me god, Really I wish I was a girl." idea began at age 11.

Oh, same here, definitely. I remember crying myself to sleep wishing I'd wake up a woman when I was 16. It's really tempting to read that as a classical sign of gender dysphoria, but I know better.

From the moment I first understood what they wanted me to do with my body and how they wanted me to treat people, especially women, I was utterly repulsed and horrified. I was crying myself to sleep because I was desperate to "escape" that "fate" and my ignorant mind saw that as the only other option. That horror touched me deeper than anything ever had before. Whether that could be a symptom of gender dysphoria, I don't know.

Can you tell I didn't grow up in a very advanced environment when it came to gender and sexuality?

 I believe it was always there for me but I guess I was oblivious to some of the gender 'specific' things that I wasn't really falling inline with as a youngster and about at the age of 12-13yrs old I started to realize I didn't enjoy an participate in some of the more male oriented activities an there was a documentary I saw I believe when I was 12yrs old on TLC about Transsexuals an was subsequently scolded an removed from the room by my father for watching it; so I didn't quite grasp that surgery and hormones were even involved I was under the impression for some time that some people actually started to develop into another sex at a later age than what I was born into.

Around the age of 14yrs old shortly after reaching puberty I started to feel 'off' like I wasn't comfortable with the male urges an found myself going to bed wishing and hoping that by some chance an miracle I would awake to find myself becoming female so that brief piece of documentary was going through my head an I became increasingly inquisitive as to why I felt this way an why I wasn't becoming more feminine so I went online an finally learned what everything was really about an it hit home very hard when I reflected back on my childhood. I realized that I had always had female friends an felt more comfortable doing activities with them, so as years went on I knew internally I was female an had always been but I guess as a strange set of coincidences, withheld information by my family & peers or just a failure to observe gender traits on my behalf an never understood the 'boundaries' of what society deems male an female.

So I as I progressed through middle & high school an having a better understanding of how one should act according to societies view of birth assigned gender I tried hard to date women an be masculine but I could never quite bring myself to get very intimate with women only going as far as kissing them an I found that men were always labeling me as gay even though I never tried making advances toward them or doing anything to give them that idea(or at least I didn't recognize myself doing it) and I could never as hard I tried bring myself to do male activities; So when visiting my moms house I found myself trying on female clothing when she wasn't around and If a documentary on the subject of Transsexualism or ->-bleeped-<- was on I found myself (sneakingly) watching them in amazement at how I related so much to what these people were saying and wanted to transition-I knew for a fact what I was a female trapped in a male body an came close to asking my father about it but before I could my brother entered my room one time an caught me watching one of them an started calling me derogatory terms related to gays an he told my father who sat me down an went on about how these feeling were "of satan" an that I was "possessed by a demon" all of this came as such a scare that I lied an said I was watching out of interest of not understanding what it all was. So I learned very quickly that there would be absolutely no support for me there and my brother went an told everyone I knew at school an was subsequently bullied for it; I was prior to the incident already being beaten by them(Dad and Brother) so I knew transition would have to wait.

I'm 24yrs old now an about to get the gears rolling to do so as i'm by myself now but it has been hard I deal with severe anxiety of not being who I should be an having to hide...I believe my mom will be supportive when I come out but some of the quips i've heard her make on LGBT people makes me a little skeptical. I'm confused on who i'm attracted to, I have found myself to have a desire to have intercourse with male and females so maybe i'm Bi-sexual but it could very well be that with all the fear mongering i've encountered that i'm resisting embracing my attraction to men an have been conditioned to like females but i'm waiting to explore that route after beginning my transition and i'm not sure if I could have SRS as i'm afraid of surgery but I would definitely like to have a vagina an have been actually holding out on having sex because i'm not comfortable with my current form so in short i'm a virgin still.

Sorry for typing such a long post but this is my first time here an really felt like expressing myself, thanks for your time everybody and in short would say I realized who I really was at the age of12yrs old

PS: Sorry mods if i'm in the wrong area i'm a noobie here but thanks for such a wonderful community

I always knew I was different, but it hit me last year. I was 22.

I know that I first started crossdressing in my sisters' clothes around age 3 or 4.  But as I've gotten older, I may be wrong about the dates.  It was just before I started kindergarten, and soon after I was released from a hospital following a terrible car accident.  It's hard to remember what I thought about it at the time, but I know I liked the feeling and look of girl's clothing.  And I think, because I was otherwise a shy and quiet kid, that I began thinking of myself as girlish around then.  But it really took off for me when I was around 10 or 11, getting up in the middle of the night to get my three sisters' clothes (especially their underwear) from a hall closet and put it on in my bedroom or in the bathroom.  I learned what a ->-bleeped-<- was at age 13 from a medical dictionary.  But it wasn't until much later -- in my 40s -- when I met other transgendered people online and in person; consulted a couple of gender therapists, and realized that I am a transsexual.

Some of my earliest memories is of me getting into trouble because I wanted to wear girl clothes.  I also remember in first grade getting very mad because I was in a school play (Cinderella), and I wanted to dance with one of the boys and wear a ball gown.

I started cross dressing in private around 9-10 years old.

I identified as gay at 17 and was a drag queen for a long period of time.

It wasn't until I was able to look at things in my life, and sort through what I was feeling that I realized I wasn't gay, I was a girl.

It was a very confusing time.  Still is.  But things are getting clear daily!