Hello! My name is Ash, and my partner is MtoF transgender. Her and I have been trying to think of ways to make her feel more feminine and comfortable. The main problem is, I am not really girly myself, and I don't really know if I can pinpoint what makes me feel like a woman. So it's very hard for me to help her.

The main problem is, she doesn't want to come out to her work just yet, so anything she does needs to be subtle. I suggested maybe applying clear nail polish to her nails, and I don't think wearing a little bit of foundation and eyeliner will hurt. (Not enough to notice, but enough for her to know it's there) She is still really apprehensive about the eyeliner, though.

I don't usually wear much makeup, so what foundation do you think might work best? I am thinking powder, since to me it doesn't lay on as heavy as liquid.

She also has some female clothes, but the problem is that her brother is coming to live with us soon and she can't wear them around him.

Do you have any suggestions on little things she could do? I really want to help her feel better about herself until we can actually afford to start her transition. Thank you!

You might consider looking through the threads on the "Beauty" forum.  There is one board devoted to makeup.

I also enjoy the Ben Green videos on YouTube, on the DivaDarlingChic channel.

Hi Ash

Welcome to the site and congrats on giving your partner love and support. Just a few rules to live by


Hi, and welcome to Susan's! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way   

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You and your partner may need to think about her coming out to her brother. If she intends to transition she may want to start at home. Does she have a therapist as yet? It would be worthwhile considering this and for both of you to have discussions separately and together with one. This will not be easy for either of you. But you can rely on help here and there are several SO who will contribute. You may wish to post an Intro in the SO area as well.

As for wanting her to feel 'girlie' it depend on how far she is willing to go and still feel comfortable. When I wasn't 'out' I still had my ears pierced and wore ever increasingly feminine ear rings, she can always start off with small studs that many guys wear anyway. Polish her toe nails a pretty bright colour. Get used to a beauty regime of moisturising herself. Maybe starting laser to get rid of facial hair. Definitely lose the body hair by shaving her legs and/or hair remover (Veet/Nair etc).

Different people tolerate people in different ways. I have had nothing except acceptance from people. The biggest fear is fear itself and in the end that is the only one that has to be faced. After that things fall into place.
Things also depend upon where you live, I'm in Australia and the people here are generally very tolerant of most things. It appears that parts of the USA are minefields of bigots and fixed beliefs. I do not mean that as an insult to the USA, I have many friends there. But if you live in a tolerant area then going out to a store and her asking at the make up counter of what foundation to use, and even have a make over is by no means unusual, fight the fear factor of course. But shop assistants often earn commissions so a sale is sale, I have had one shop assistant say something bad to me, and she was fired on the spot when I complained to the manager. Getting her eyebrows shaped, I get mine done every 4-6 weeks, and again no one has ever said anything. And they look very cute and feminine.

So keep asking questions and you (and her if she wishes) are very welcome to be part of our family, and that is what we are

Cindy

Thank you both for the replies!

@Jamie - I will definitely check out that forum, and look up that youtube channel! Thank you!

@Cindy- Thank you for the warm welcome, you are so kind.
She has actually told her brother that she is transgendered, but we're honestly not very sure how he has reacted to it. We do know that he has this unwarranted hatred of me, and we speculate it's because he blames me for her being trans, which is due to lack of knowledge about what it really means. But we're not sure he is even willing to learn more. However, the biggest reason why she cannot wear her girl clothes around him is because we live in her grandparent's house (we're taking care of it for her parents) and her mom specifically said she cannot transition while she lives here. (She has already come out to her whole family in fact) Her brother would most likely tell her mom, and we may get thrown out which is something we definitely cannot afford right now. :C

But he is only here for a couple of months, and Paige said that she can make it through that.

She has had her ears pierced for a while, I actually bought them for her birthday 2 years ago. She has a lot of girly earrings along with some androgynous ones that she can wear out if she is uncomfortable with the girly ones. She also paints her toenails, and we have a lot of different colors for her to pick from. I am not sure if we can afford laser hair removal yet, but I will do some research on the costs and start saving up for her. She works at a department store and I am a starting out freelance illustrator, so money is really a problem for us right now unfortunately. She has been having trouble getting rid of her body hair like her legs, but I am going to help her and teach her how so I think that will make her feel A LOT better.

As for where we live, we live in Michigan, in the U.S. From experience, I have found th epart of Michigan we live in to not be so tolerant. I am gay and I came out in High School, and I was pretty much made fun of every day until I went to art college. However, we still have laws against discrimination of LGBT people, so if I can convince her, I think taking her out to get her hair cut, her eyebrows done, and to talk to a makeup professional at Macy's will really make her feel good.

Again, thank you so much for the replies and we will definitely take your advice! I will be back if I have any more questions.

Hello I do have some advice for you which is because I am in the same boat as you! I recently married a MTF. I did come across some of the same issues. All I could do is be there for her. I to am not a girly girl and more of a tom boy. It started off slowly but more and more she is becoming more feminine with my encouragement and everything. One thing that makes her feel more feminine is when we go to a nail salon and get pedicures together which is perfect because she never wears sandals and hasn't came out to everybody yet. When we get our pedicures she usually will get a color on her toes like we get matching. Also encourage her to dress when ever her brother isn't there or even if its just in the bedroom. With encouragement she will become a better woman and be there for her the best you can. It's worth it and in the long run she will thank you for your encouragement...