Update: The most unbelievably awesome reaction I could have possibly gotten, thanks for all the support!!!

The other night an unstoppable urge came over me to tell my mom and I thought about phoning her up but knew it would be a lot like the billions of other times where the revelation was at the tip of my tongue but I would always bite, punk out and change the subject so by some miracle I managed to muster up the courage to right everything down on paper and eventually went through 3 pieces explaining myself; it must have taken 1-2 hours to write but it really felt great just letting it out in that manner.

It seemed like fate was dictating me to get this done and for some odd reason we didn't have any damn envelopes or stamps lol and I resorted to making my own envelope out of copying paper an tape that my half brother had in his room an luckily had 60 cents laying on my night stand so I attached it to the envelope with a cloths pin with a note to the carrier to add a stamp and I walked up an dropped it off in the mail box about 7:30am an knew that once that shipped it would be all over so I fought myself an was like 'you're not going back to check that mail box until about 2 hours after you know damn well that letter is shipped' as to not punk out again an really the urge to go back never sprang up I felt a peace that I honestly have never felt in years but I have had some anxiety because she has never really seen the TRUE transgender and transsexual community, only what has been presented on TV an some of it(not all) really doesn't paint the entire picture or at least the one I feel fits me so i'm afraid the first thing that's gonna go through her head are images of her 'son' in a pink dress with way too much makeup an i'm afraid of the impending phone convo where i'll have to thoroughly explain that isn't the case etc. etc......

So I tried my best in the letter to explain that even though I identify as female i'm in no way attracted to men and even though I have been attracted to women the reason I never had sex was because I felt asexual an really don't have a desire(in my current form at least) to be intimate with anybody but that if I did someday after transition it would most likely be with another woman(so I guess one could say i'm a lesbian in that sense), I went on about how I never felt 'girly girly' an that I would be quite moderate an casual with the clothing an makeup I decided to sport, that I would still be the same geeky-smartass-shy kid that she has always loved but that i'll be developing my female body soon an transitioning. I put in a few jokes to hopefully cheer her up like I told her I wouldn't be skinning women like buffalo bill and that I would never like soap operas no matter what. I explained that what I was was is in no way her or anybodies fault an that my aggression an anger over the years had been toward myself not being courageous enough to come out, that I have been this for my entire life but just acknowledged an hid it since a young teen and that I need her support an love above anybodies.

I have always wondered if she might have known because she had a tendency to snoop through my PC an i've researched being MTF for years an have always had sites like Second Type Woman bookmarked, I have also gone out of my way to avoid watching shows with any type of 'touching moments' because my feminine sensitivity always got the best of me, and if a documentary was on about the subject of MTF I was quick to haul ass out of the room as to not expose myself and this had to be very obvious...and one time she made the quip while watching one that "I'd rather one of my sons be MTF than gay" which really stuck me as odd & spontaneous an seemed like an indirect 'I know Mickey' but I can't be absolutely positive.... Back as early as 2003 around the age of 14 I was researching what I was and about transition on my sisters computer so she probably stumbled upon it at some point but again unsure. I was also very verbal and open about not liking to hear derogatory terms toward the LGBT community an I know that put me on the radar too...

I asked her to call me at a time when my half brother(different brother than the one I posted about in another thread) was at work to discuss it more if she wanted to an that I wanted it to be between me an her until I feel comfortable with telling my siblings, she has to have the letter by now i'm in SC an she's in NC an a letter I got from her one time arrived the next day from when she sent it so as I type this it's done an over with an i'm awaiting 'the verdict', kind of nervous as to what she might say but feel optimistic it'll be good or at the very least ok.

I'm in a very secluded area atm an have no friends in the realz so it kinda simplifies the coming out process to just my older half brother and sister whom lives with me an my mom in NC respectively. I'm gonna be looking for other people like me to befriend an some girl-friends so I can get help with 'learning the ropes', my mom has told me she would like for me to move up with her once she gets a house and i'd like to because it's near a major town(Gastonia NC) where I could literally walk to where ever I needed to go instead of relying on my bro. to give me rides, around where I am now the people or 'rednecks' are hostile towards LGBT people an i'm terrified because of an incident where a gay couple was walking down the street an 2 boys jumped them for literally no reason an I intervened an got hurt myself back in 2006, plus Insomniac and Epic games are located in that state(NC) an my dream is to be a video game creative designer so i'm gonna get the ball rolling here soon. I may be able to get her to help me with an apartment there until I can be independent because she offered this option to me for NY where I originate from an rest of my family reside but my dad is a religious fanatic an younger brother and his friends I have no doubt wouldn't allow me to live peacefully an I would be physically and mentally attacked.  So much for just being shy an minding my own affairs, some damn people. lol

Well that's my great wall of events on coming out via letter, i'll keep 'y'all' updated as to what she says and I wish all of you great luck on coming out and transitioning

Well done =] I hope it goes well for
You

Quote from: Tom on March 23, 2012, 06:23:01 PM
Well done =] I hope it goes well for
You

Thanks, no response from her tonight so it might have hit her hard but I suppose I may just need to give her time.

That's how I did it. I wrote a 7 page letter to her after being fulltime for 5 months at Seminary. At the end of my letter, I provided resources for her in case she had problems dealing with it.

After I sent the letter, I headed off to a lecture. Three hours later, I had 107 friend requests on my facebook lol. She told the rest of the family. For me, it turned out very well (the links of resources really helped her). I was pretty thorough in my letter.

I came out to my Father via email and my Mum forced me to come out when she ambushed me  when I got home from work. I hope your Mum will have a positive response. Good luck! *hugs*

I hope it goes well for you sis.  I used a letter to come out to a lot of friends where I used to work just prior to going full time, as I figured I would be running into them  a lot in a small city.  I didn't have one cease to be a friend, so I did the same with some of my family too.  Seems to have worked pretty well all round.

Hope it all turns out okay.

Karen.

Thanks to all of you for the responses, I just got up lol, i'm going to be giving her time and I believe when she comes around an talks to me i'll give her the go ahead to tell others an i'll face the music when it comes my way; I have always lived in fear an that's just a hurdle i'll have to pass I guess... an like some of you have told me an i've been reading posts on others threads & sites as well that it may turn out smoother than I picture it will so i'll try my best to remain positive.

The last couple nights i've had odd dreams about transitioning and they're kinda creeping me out because they feature cousins an family members i've been pretty distant with for really no reasons other than we never met up all that much an they seem to be getting close & hanging out with me an having a good time and i'm very happy too; i've been falling back on that as a sign everything will be fine.

After awhile does everything kinda fall into normality for them? an does the 'awkwardness' pass?

I believe what's making this the hardest for me is that I put so much into putting up a facade that it's making it just that much harder to break it down, I worked for a very tough physically demanding job, attempted to join the military on 2 occasions an backed out before shipping both times(Army,Navy), and always put up a male dominant attitude & forced myself to partake in things I didn't really like to do....

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for not going ahead with an Army or Navy career.  You were just responding to a lifetime of social conditioning and trying to  "do the right thing", like a lot of us.

Dreams don't have to make sense, as a lot of the time they seem to be our subconscious sending us emotional messages.  They are probably telling you that you are reading the family's reactions as being favourable. 

A facade is just that, you and everyone dear to you will be happier getting to know a more honest you.  If they don't then they were fair-weather friends who don't deserve your friendship.

Karen.

 Well I never had such a low an high within an hour in my life, tried calling her an the phone picked up, there was a silence an hang up, tried calling back about a million times an it went to voice mail so I got upset an went for a walk...came back an went to type to my sister on FB to talk with her because I thought she was upset an disowning me. About to top off my great wall of China in her inbox an my mom called and was very very cool about it, didn't question any aspect of it, even said my sister an her husband will help me get a place near them an that they were very cool about it and i'll be talking more with her tonight when my brother is off to work. She even agreed this should stay just between me an the immediate family, it was awesome!!! 

Truly great mother I have and being the day it is I couldn't help but believe Jesus was looking out for me, I'm blessed!

So the outlook is it'll be a month or two that I'll have to chill out where I currently am until I can get up there and I have already located a therapist online who's in that area who deals with LGBT, so i'm going to take the time until then to get in better shape(had another very great walk after the convo, sunny beautiful day!) practice on my voice and other customs an grow my hair out.

Thanks for all the support I have never felt so great in my life and I know there had to of been prayers made! 

I'm truly very pleased to hear that.

Xxxx

Oh cool! I'm glad it turned out alright for you

1 year anniversary baby woo hoo, this has been the best year of my life thus far an things are only getting better!!!