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Uncomfortable passing :|

Started by Rabbit, March 26, 2012, 06:06:49 AM

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Rabbit

So, the last few months I am starting to pass more and more. 99 percent of the time I pass online (webcams, pictures)  . ..and I pass probably 50 percent in person (this one is hard to judge, though the other night when I went out with a couple girl friends, it seemed 100 percent).

While, of course I'm kind of happy about it (because, that was the idea right?) .. . I'm actually finding myself pretty uncomfortable when it happens.

I am finding that I actually feel the need to "correct" people when they gender me female. I'm kind of afraid they will find out and think I was trying to fool them or wasn't being "honest". Or that I'm not confident that I can pass for very long (that they will notice more masculine features about me and put the pieces together).

Not only that, but as I started to pass more and more . .I dropped the idea that I was female more and more. Now I simply think of myself as a guy who is feminine and has a lot in common with women (though, at the same time, going full steam in transition .. .dressing in female clothing, long nails, makeup, hair, jewelry).

Of course, I have also had a few rude awakening that the world sees me differently (had a bad experience with a guy forcing himself on me.. .and another one where a guy I thought just wanted a ride actually wanted to do things with me, something I would never have assumed before).

I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced this type of thing? My plan is to simply continue transition and I figure I just need more time to adjust to being seen this way? Don't get me wrong .. .I love that I look better than I did before . ..just kind of unsure about what it brings with it haha.
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Alainaluvsu

Maybe it's all new to you. Maybe it'll take a while to get adjusted to the fact that people see you as a girl, whether they know you are trans or not. I think you probably do need time to adjust, like you said.

Everyone has an option of how they're going to transition around those they know. They can increase the intensity over time like a dimmer. But you can't really do that when meeting strangers. Maybe it's just harder for you to control that on / off switch since you possibly used the dimmer switch with those you know?

Oh... and never give a ride to a stranger, especially a guy. Also, if you're going out of a building at night, try to leave with other people. You never know what kind of creeps are out there. It has very little to do with being trans either.

When at school, a guy drove up next to me and my cis friend and started talking to us, while one of his friends jumped out of the car and came to another girl that was walking down the sidewalk. This set off alarms for my cis friend (the guy in the car was too busy trying to "sell" me something) and she went and chased the girl off. Lesson learned: girls have to stick together or there's a chance we will be picked off by predators.

Also, I have only presented as a girl a couple times.. but like you I do get nervous about what to tell people. Especially really forward guys. If I'm alone, and a guy tries talking to me, I just keep walking. If it's girls or a guy that doesn't seem interested in me at all I just say I'm female. If they figure it out I wont deny it, and keep referring to myself as a girl no matter what. What's the worst that can happen? They roll their eyes at me and insult me? Oh no... I guess I'll have to walk off and go about my business, huh?
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.



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Stephe

Well you can't have it both ways.  :laugh:

Being a woman comes with a WHOLE list of problems having nothing to do with being trans. Even simple things like going to buy tires for a car becomes a nightmare. I worked 30 years as a car tech and the idea I might have to get a guy to go with me when I buy tires to not be ripped off or insulted is comical to me. Most men (it sucks but yes -most- men) assume if you are female, you are stupid and need things explained to you in grade school fashion. You also get to deal with jerks who assume you, as a woman, want them and want to have sex with them. The list goes on and on.

So yes you are going to give up all this male privilege if you are going to pass. It's part of the deal. And no I am not "tricking" anyone, I'm a woman period. And SERIOUSLY all trans woman need to either take a class on safety or at least do some online research on what, as a woman, you should and shouldn't do.

Pass well and then go around doing things like a guy, walking around in a parking lot late at night alone etc, and you will find out "we're not in Kansas anymore". 99% of rape victims are women, many happen when they are out alone somewhere they probably shouldn't be out alone. I am NOT saying it's their fault but you can be smart about this and limit your exposure. NEVER give men a ride in your car, NEVER follow them somewhere to help them or anything like this. Don't go to sketchy places alone, especially if there aren't other people around. The big problem for us is not only would being assaulted suck, if the perp then finds you your true sex status, you could end up dead through no fault of your own.
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Stephanie_b

About the part where you say that you're correcting people when they gender you as being female; I totally get that.   I can't help but wonder if I will be doing the same thing in probably over a year from now. 

The idea of people somehow finding out that you're not just a woman, but also a transwoman, isn't a wonderful wonderful prospect.
As far as you thinking that other may think that you had fooled them, well, it could happen that way.   

I for one, don't intend to tell anyone that I meet unless I am not passing.  I just don't feel like it is their right to know, and I wouldn't see it as me being deceptive or fooling them. 

We are should be just able to be the women that we are without having to worry about these things. 

If I end up passing well, but someone still finds out somehow, I will have a non-apologetic attitude, and a take it or leave it philosophy.

Some may come around after some time to think about it, but I think my point has been made.

Also congrats that you are passing regularily now!
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CybeleNV9751

I like it when I'm out in public and someone calls me "Ma'am".

But there have been other times when I thought I really passed, only to have someone call me "Sir".
I hate when that happens.
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