I feel I'm trapped in a particular uncomfortable position.  As I have said in other posts I work on cruise ships and I'm in a training period, and as such I'm sharing with a guy.

I'm about to be medically disembarked and the ship's company been told about me.  I'm now not going to return until July. 

I'm returning legally as a male, but socially I will and am becoming increasingly effeminate as I prepare myself to going full time.  But they still expect me to share with a guy when I return.  I feel it was necessary for me to share while I wasn't out to everyone to maintain that male image.  But now despite me telling them I'm on HRT and that I feel discomfort sharing with a guy, they won't listen.  The shore side, in particular the legal department will only acknowledge that there is only male and female (legally correct I think).  I feel that with everyone knowing, and that increasingly looking female, and the fact I am transitioning been forced to share with a guy is too much.  In fact I stormed out of the personnel managers office as I was so angry and upset, not with her but the idiots ashore who have no idea about personal space and been trapped on a ship.  They said that if I returned presenting fully as female that I would share with a female.

I feel that I'm not over reacting on this.  I will have to live onboard for another 3 months and been stuck in a cabin where despite everything I will have to maintain more of a male image then I want to any more, and hiding myself when I dress etc. Is not tolerable.  I suggested that if everything is black and white like they say that I will force myself into full time sooner then I'm ready for, then let them try putting me with a cis-female and see what sort of reaction they will get from her!  This is a ship, a cabin is classed as my home space, and the traditional view of present legally male be treated male can't function.  I was planning on becoming gradually more adrogenous and relax myself into womenhood.

What can I say to get them to realise what they are doing? Are my legal rights limited while I'm not presenting fully as female? The senior doctor on board can't understand what they are doing and is trying to help.  I'm feeling extremely panicky about this as I'm not quite ready for full time, or maybe I am and this will force me to jump.  But I still feel that I shouldn't be forced into this situation.

I can relate to this since I have lived in a truck with a guy for about a month now, and i have a month more to go still, and i cant really be myself at all until after this training period.

The big question is, whose law does the ship operate from? I know in my situation, the place i reside in iseaningless, only Utah law applies, and that means you can get fired if they dont like you, for any non federal protected catagory. If only maritime law protects you then it might not be so good, but i would thinl that if UK law applies that you would have some recourse.

The ship is flagged Bemuda.  But the company is UK and they are working personnel under UK law, at least for the UK crew.

If the company in question is a UK company the UK law applies and they have to recognise the gender you present as. If you are under a doctor's care then you are a "protected person". Print this out http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/Workplace/transition-at-work.pdf

"Transsexual people, that is, 'those proposing to undergo, undergoing or having undergone' gender reassignment – a process known as 'transition' – are specifically protected against discrimination – whether direct or indirect – and also harassment and victimisation in the workplace.

Direct discrimination occurs when a person is treated less well as a consequence of having a protected characteristic:"

also

"Harassment means any unwanted behaviour that violates a person's dignity or creates a hostile environment."

Quote: "They said that if I returned presenting fully as female that I would share with a female."

It sounds like they are offering you an option.  What more can you expect?

Just saying your transitioning and not actually transitioning is a problem, you can't expect them to birth you with a female if you are still presenting as male.

But it still isn't clear, Single sex facilities are accessable as the gender I will present in.  Does a cabin constitute as a single sex facility, bearing in mind it is also really my home for 3 months aswell?  I am transitioning and I am developing breasts and my shape is changing, why should I be forced to share with a guy just as I'm not prepared or quite ready to go full time?  How can I relax and actually be truely myself if I'm put with a male? As someone said I am transitioning I'm just not changing role yet.

Sarah: I don't expect them to berth me with a female while presenting as male, but I'm not really presenting fully male, well I won't be when I return and everyone knows.  However, I'm not prepared yet to go full time as I need to sort out everything else that goes with it.  But one thing I'm pretty sure of is that any cis-girls found out they had to share with a preop that would put both of us under a lot of pressure and discomfort.  This isn't a large space, and it's bad enough for two people who are actually correctlly gendered!

Quote from: RachelH on March 28, 2012, 03:51:15 PM
But it still isn't clear, Single sex facilities are accessable as the gender I will present in.  Does a cabin constitute as a single sex facility, bearing in mind it is also really my home for 3 months aswell? 

The guidance is clear, but the situation is complex. Under the law they must treat you as the gender you present as, so if you present male, then they must treat you as male. Once you start presenting as female they must treat you as female. They cannot give you a hard time just because you are transitioning and they cannot treat you worse than any other employee.

As to the cabin being your home - is it really? Would you share your home with some other person with whom you had no legal, personal or financial relationship? Someone who was placed there by an external authority? That is what you are doing with your cabin. On that basis I can see difficulties which construing it as a home but you would need to speak with a lawyer to get it legally buttoned down. I would expect that in your employment contract you have agreed to a clause that a cabin is explicitly NOT a home especially if they are charging rent or deducting it from your wages. The company would be negligent if they failed to protect themselves from possible claims of ownership or tenancy rights implied by rental payments.

I would tend to 'give in' to the employer and let the roomie get uncomfortable with the situation. Introduce yourself under your female name and tell him all about your transition and expected physical changes and about 10 minutes later he will be bothering personnel, not you. You might even find that your roomie will try and accomodate you by agreeing some arrangement where you can have as much privacy as possible. I doubt that he will be any happier than you are.

It is an unusual situation, but if it is for a maximum of 3 months your simplest course of action may simply be to endure it. I admit that I would be uncomfortable too if I was in the same situation, but one thing I am certain of, you need to try and keep talking reasonably to the company because digging your heels in and demanding 'my rights' will only entrench their position and make more difficulties for you. I wish I could be more positive about this or suggest another way round it but I cannot see how.

Well it all got sorted. With a little compassion by my personnel manager!  The ship side is going to make sure I won't  get put with a guy and she completely agrees that they shouldn't have suggested it!  Anyhow I've been medically disembarked now and my next contract starts in 4 months time, plenty of time to sort out my life.

Oh I was talking to a fair few people about myself on my last night, and more people then I thought knew and was just waiting to be told by myself to start discussing it, apparently I've talked about it a lot of times with a lot of different people and people can hear some whispers  .  People are been extremely understanding, and some have just said amazing things to me.  The singers and dancers (mostly gay or women) in particular all where disappointed that I didn't tell them earlier as they would have helped me! oh well 

So I'm one extremely happy girl, who can go back to work as feminine as I wish in 4 months!

I am glad it all got sorted. Well done.

B.