Okay I just got this wierd question in my mind.

for some days ago we had a man out to give a talk about famely abuse.
he where actually kind of good even when I didnt had much expectations on the topic cause I feared it would be some overdramatic s**.
but yeah, he told his own story about being in a famely with alcohol abuse and then after that we could ask question and so on.
I been asking a couple since I know many friends who had famelys being abused by alcohol drugs and so on.

for myself I never been in a famely with any kind of abuse, I never got hit, I never had to deal with alcohol or drugs, or sexual abuse from my parrents or brother. of corse my famely do drink and smoke once in a while, but there mainly sober and when people see them they say I got a nice famely and a sweet mother and so on, I guess you could call it a good traditional famely.

however, there where lines he made or pointed out I felt pretty related to, like when he said something like,
"I wasnt seen as me" "I had to grow up taking care of my parrents and not them taking care of me" "I was always scared of what would happent when I got home"
sentense like those and others, made me think it where exactly the same kind of fellings I had as a transperson.

because I was trans, I wasnt seen as me, but as someone ells, I where like a non existing person who wasnt allowed to be,
it wasnt alcohol my mom prefered or drugs, but just the simple fact to see me as a girl insteed of a boy?..

I know many people have violance, or something ells invold in there famely, but I wonder even in famelys with non of those thing, if it still considered abuse if your parrents deny who your are. like some kind of psycically abuse?? I once read a comics where theres this mother talking to a doll beliving its her daugther, and then ignoring her own child, isnt it almost the same for parrents who talk to there chlidren as there son but deny them to be there daughters?

I didnt dare to ask him, cause I felt the question is personal and ridiculous in a way, I guess if I even said so they might compare it to stuff like, not being accepted to get in the right caree or something, but yet it dosent seams as the same, now I am talking about people who been denyed there whole life or since they where very young.

any thought's on it or am I just overthinking it?

- Love.

It could be considered emotional abuse, yeah. My grandparents are like your mom, I suppose. They've never hit me, but they would praise me if I did anything they deemed "Girly" and disrespect my identity, to the point of outing me in dangerous or potentially dangerous situations. They would not allow me to live as male during my time with them and would just...ruin a lot of things. Abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can also involve being manipulated or hurt intentionally. If your mother knows and refuses to respect your identity as a guy, and goes out of her way to make you compromise your health and happiness for her sake, then she sounds abusive.

Quote from: Zerro on March 29, 2012, 08:06:42 AM
It could be considered emotional abuse, yeah. My grandparents are like your mom, I suppose. They've never hit me, but they would praise me if I did anything they deemed "Girly" and disrespect my identity, to the point of outing me in dangerous or potentially dangerous situations. They would not allow me to live as male during my time with them and would just...ruin a lot of things. Abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can also involve being manipulated or hurt intentionally. If your mother knows and refuses to respect your identity as a guy, and goes out of her way to make you compromise your health and happiness for her sake, then she sounds abusive.

thanks for your answer , I honestly belive my mom isnt that bad, I know many transpeople who have way worse parents than me.
my mom let me change names and go on homones and all those, she even called me he a couple of times,
however, she is very strange person to figure out, she tend to say something and do someting ells,
she been agenst all the points of my transition, even when she say she accept me she always surprise me with some kind of new turn like.
"you cant go to the males toilet"
"why?"
"because you cant"
"you dont accept me as a boy"
"I got your name change, so your not going to call me unaccepting!" kind of that situations who keep making me very confussing at times.

but im just wondering about it in general.

Everyone has been abused by their parents in some way.

Wow that's an interesting point...in a way though a lot of parents disagree with there children wanting to transition out of a want to protect them because they believe they will be discriminated against by others, so can that still be seen as abuse?

Quote from: Tom on March 29, 2012, 11:08:11 AM
Wow that's an interesting point...in a way though a lot of parents disagree with there children wanting to transition out of a want to protect them because they believe they will be discriminated against by others, so can that still be seen as abuse?

I wonder, alot of the transgender people I know have tried suicide, cutting themself, or stuff like that, they had friends who accepted them but not there parrent or teachers.

personally I also had my parrents worryed about being bullied or worse and I myself had worried as well, but compared to how much had happent, its mainly been there own rejection from my own famely compared to strangers or people I didnt care about saying crap or threatening me.

they might have a point in there protection but if protection means being misserable then its not a very succesfull one.

As far as I am concerned i would not call it "abuse" but rather "neglect" due to ignorance.

I was "invisible" to my family, classmates, and teachers. During and after puberty I had to heel myself, and then had to reinvent myself.

Love yourself, across cyberspace do receive a little hug

Quote from: Tom on March 29, 2012, 11:08:11 AM
Wow that's an interesting point...in a way though a lot of parents disagree with there children wanting to transition out of a want to protect them because they believe they will be discriminated against by others, so can that still be seen as abuse?

Sure, depending on the means used to "protect" their child. For example, committing an otherwise healthy child to a mental institution or correctional facility(like pray away the gay or whatever) meant to squash the gay/trans/whatever out of the child in question is abusive in my opinion. Threatening suicide and blaming all of your issues on your child in order to scare them away from transitioning is emotionally abusive and can traumatize them. Refusing to acknowledge any of the child's feelings and/or punishing your child for trying to share things with you is also abusive, because it encourages the child to either repress the feelings or act out in a harmful manner otherwise.

If a parent doesn't agree with their child's transition, but acknowledges their feelings and does not attempt to manipulate them, that is fine. If a parent expresses concern for their child's well-being in a healthy manner(i.e. sitting down with them and having a peaceful conversation free of threats or anything that could be detrimental to the child's mental and physical health), that is more than fine. If a parent disagrees with their child's transition, it sucks, but it's also fine because disagreeing in itself does not mean a parent will actually participate in abusive behavior.

At least, that's my take on it.

Quote from: Zerro on March 30, 2012, 12:14:20 PM
Sure, depending on the means used to "protect" their child. For example, committing an otherwise healthy child to a mental institution or correctional facility(like pray away the gay or whatever) meant to squash the gay/trans/whatever out of the child in question is abusive in my opinion. Threatening suicide and blaming all of your issues on your child in order to scare them away from transitioning is emotionally abusive and can traumatize them. Refusing to acknowledge any of the child's feelings and/or punishing your child for trying to share things with you is also abusive, because it encourages the child to either repress the feelings or act out in a harmful manner otherwise.

If a parent doesn't agree with their child's transition, but acknowledges their feelings and does not attempt to manipulate them, that is fine. If a parent expresses concern for their child's well-being in a healthy manner(i.e. sitting down with them and having a peaceful conversation free of threats or anything that could be detrimental to the child's mental and physical health), that is more than fine. If a parent disagrees with their child's transition, it sucks, but it's also fine because disagreeing in itself does not mean a parent will actually participate in abusive behavior.

At least, that's my take on it.

You make a very good point. I'd like to type more then that considering the length of your answer but there's nothing I disagree with haha