Hi guys! Been lurking for only a day and everyone here seems really supportive towards everyone else. I decided to get an account and ask a question I've been really wondering for about two or three months now. I was born female. Though I have been questioning myself very intensely recently. About a year and a half ago I started dressing in male clothing. I'd started wearing baggy clothing when I began dressing myself, but it was always female clothing. I tried with the tighter fitting female clothing and it felt very off. Wearing boxers is very comfortable and I also usually wear a sports bra or two to try and bind down a little. The thought of wearing a dress makes me cringe, and the the thought of wearing a dress shirt and vest with some dress pants makes me happy (this is what I'm wearing to prom!). I got my hair cut recently, and that's been great. Not going back to longer hair. I don't entirely remember how I thought of gender when I was little, but I do remember an incident when I had a particularly short hair cut when I was around 5 or 6. I was asked if I was a boy or girl on the daycare bus, and I didn't respond. I guess I didn't really care what gender people perceived me as. I don't really have any bottom dysphoria, but I do have some top dysphoria. I wouldn't mind having top surgery and have saved some money to get the 997 (Double front compression) and 983 (tri top) binders from underworks. I just have to find the courage to ask my mom since I don't own a credit card. As for hormones, the thought of taking T scares me a little bit. Mostly for the fact that I'm not sure how my family feels about any of this since I haven't technically "come out" about anything. I've also tried thinking about this in a relationship type scenario. I've never dated anyone, so I can't say for sure, but the feeling of comforting someone gives me a better feeling than being comforted. I would want to hold the hand of someone and have them feel safe around me. Sorry if this is a bit long and a bit of a tedious question, I just feel in a confusing and kind of scary spot. Any advise would be great! Thanks!

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Hugs

V M

Hey there,

It sounds as if you have a lot of your plate.  Many people here have been through that.  Is it possible to see a gender therapist where you are?  Perhaps that could help.  I think taking one step at a time may help because if you are thinking about it all at once then it can get confusing.

There is no race so take your time finding yourself.  Only you know your true gender.  I say read some of the others people's posts on here because that may help you understand yourself more.

Also the relationship part is understandable.  Most people would like to have someone to help them get through something and to feel safe around.  I envy everyone with a relationship lol.

Hi Awkward,
A warm Aussie welcome to Susan's family. I'm real pleased you've stopped by to have your feelings checked out. And they seem pretty real and normal. Lots of people here have felt something like that in a part of their journey.

I think what Malachite said about the therapist is real good advice. A good transgender therapist can set your thoughts and feelings out so you can make sense of them. Without saying which way to go. That's your final decision; nobody else.

Thank you for sharing a real part of yourself here. Takes a lot of courage to lay your heart out for everyone to feel. Hope you enjoy your stay and I hope it's long. Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. Remember you're family, by choice now.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi kid. I have mostly top dysphoria as well, and regarding T well I just thought at first that I'd never do that, as I like smooth guys and I like to be low maintenance. I'm on T now and I absolutely love it. I feel good, like myself. We all have different paths to get to ourselves, and they can get meandering sometimes.

Have fun experimenting. You don't need a credit card, btw. There are preloaded visas and stuff at grocery stores most places.