Thank you for your kind welcome. Difficult to find sites with this scale of sincerity, compassion and assistance that can be found here.
I used to visit here back in the 90's and I'm simply amazed at the growth, diversity and maturity that Susan's has undergone in that time. I've had a chance to have a quick look around and I appreciate the time and energy that has been put into this site. It's a comfort knowing you are addressing a growing issue in our community.
Well for me, I was 4 yo when I realized I was very much left of centre on that female / male continuum we all live in. A girl down the road invited me to play at her place one afternoon. After many hours of playing house and dress up's I knew I was destined for a different world than the one I presented as.
During junior school I gravitated to the girls side of the play ground, playing house and mothers and fathers etc. (I wasn't the father) Senior school and beyond found me at the local ballet school learning to be a dancer. (If only boys realized where the action is, Australia would be over run with Ballet companies, The average class was 2 boys to 25 girls)
Since Uni it has been a continuous roller coaster ride of dressing, firstly in underwear (although that been on since I was 7 when I found Mum's wedding dress and girdle), then onto the full dress and coffee with other 'girls'. The rigors of do I, can I transition, if so how when where, but not why. That's already been assigned to the chromosomes, have prevailed since then.
Then came denial, with that came marriage and a family with all encompassing responsibilities. Throughout this time the dressing has always prevailed as with the other nuances even down to the way you sit, use the bathroom and cry during almost any movie. Still difficult explaining to the wife when caught doing the ironing in a dress, but hey when was the last time you tried to change the course of a river? Those blessed little DNA atoms have the whole story locked down to a tee. If you subscribe to the theory of the week 3 and 14 hormone wash in utero determining which gender you will be, and knowing not all paint soaks into the canvas, you'll understand why these feelings never subside.
Interestingly some here have shared their feelings of attraction to men. Being abused at 11yo, as well as my affairs with men before marriage has always been a submissive role. Always preferring to be on the bottom. How can I please you attitude which still prevails today. If that's not pre-wiring by those wretched hormones, tell what it is then.
So here I am, back in the loop yet again. Maybe with the plethora of information, support and fabulous fellowship found here, 'Houston will complete the countdown' and I'll have lift off. Where this ends up, nobody knows; but it would be nice to finally be the gender I was destined to be. Thank you so much for listening and your support. It is gratefully appreciated and respected.
Thanks for listening
Luv Catherine
