Some houses are happy and cheerful; others are dull and stressful. Mine is dull stressful agitative and argumentative to the extreme. I love my family. I want to move out but I don't have the money. The stress could kill me either by stroke or by heart attack. I want to live. Please keep me healthy.

My parents want me on psychiatric meds. They see I'm crazy. I throw hissies @ almost 24 but you know the truth is anyone would if their own parents denied their true children. I'm being constrained like agh!

I love my parents and mean them no hate.

They don't believe I'm a girl. When I was little, I was friends with more girls than boys because the boys were too rough. Then at 13 I started crossdressing..... in private.... I used to wear makeup and my mom's bras and I would stuff them. I was told I would make "an ugly girl" by my mom. I didn't make much of it. I kind of wished my hair was longer then, now that I look back on it. I knew my hair was too short and I should have waited for it to grow out but good old psychologist said "just a phase". One day in 8th grade I had to cover my face all day due to he fear of being exposed with makeup on. Bullying ensued the rest of that year due to beliefs of me being a recluse. If I were allowed to be a girl back then I would have made new female friends and I would have joined the cheerleading squad, something that fascinated me in 7th grade, before I started experimenting with bras and makeup. 

I need relief knowing I can go out to a cold world and come home to a cold home, like it wasn't bad enough they destroyed my penis without my consent as a baby (it was the era when it was thought that circumcision was hygenic --- the 1980's) At least if I get a vagina, it will be a fully functioning lubricated one... and no DO NOT GO FOR MY COLON. I would rather have a skin graft, maybe clone some lip cells and put them into my vagina. It's bad enough my penis was destroyed and I probably have a deep traumatic impact from it. 

I understand the problems you have with circumcision...I have them too. (also, I LOL'd at the "no do not go for my colon" comment--my thoughts exactly!)

Although it didn't bother me growing up, after I realized the extent of my sexual abuse history, my thoughts toward being circumcised has changed...I consider that to be my first time I was violated sexually.

--It was against my wishes
--It was inappropriate contact with the sex organs
--There was no pressing medical need for it*



*Sure, socially speaking there was, and the medical profession did its best to support that social "need", but it was all fabrications and disingenuous arguments....makes me wonder what other medical procedures are "needed" today, but have similar groundless arguments?

Right here's one: Pyschologists and others who say "it's just a phase."   

Don't tell them you're a girl, show them.

Psychologists (hell, anybody) would recommend that if you can live a happier, successful life as one gender, they'd recommend you live as that gender. That will more than likely go for your parents to. But I think you're being too forceful with them without proving to them that you can make it as a girl. Show them, get a job and be somebody. Move out and be yourself. That's your solution. It can be done, many before you have done it.

Best of luck and wishes.

you can piss and moan about what's wrong in your life. But unless you actually do something about it, you're just going to be complaining for the rest of your life. So, get your butt into gear and get cracking. No one is going to take your hand and guide you through transition. You have to make it happen. And if your temper tantrum in another thread is any indication, You have other issues to deal with first.  Going ballistic when someone genders you as male when you certainly don't look female is not going to get you anywhere. We've all been though it! you just grin and bare it and work on improving your appearance and presentation so that it stops happening. Passing is 10% appearance and 90% attitude.

So, if you don't like how things are at home with your parents, get a job and move out or Go to college and move into a dorm. All the while you work on NOT presenting as male. Then, go see a councilor. if they scratch their heads about gender issues, find another. I've had 6 councilors who didn't know a thing about how to deal with a trans patient. Then you keep practicing your presentation so that when or if you finally get onto HRT, you'll be prepared and ready for the time when you don't pass as male anymore. Feel silly dressed as a woman but still look like a guy? who cares? you're getting out of that gender box you and society have created for yourself. My first time out was by myself to Walmart where I bought clothes and make-up while wearing a skirt and blouse. I looked like crap! but I took that first step. I wasn't even on hormones at the time either.

So, get a support network, get a plan of action and get control over your life. Nothing worth having is ever free!!

Tempus Fugit.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 08, 2012, 10:43:33 AM
Don't tell them you're a girl, show them.

Psychologists (hell, anybody) would recommend that if you can live a happier, successful life as one gender, they'd recommend you live as that gender. That will more than likely go for your parents to. But I think you're being too forceful with them without proving to them that you can make it as a girl. Show them, get a job and be somebody. Move out and be yourself. That's your solution. It can be done, many before you have done it.

Best of luck and wishes.

+1

If things suck that much, what is there to loose?
Will they throw you out of the house? Maybe.

It didn't sound like mom had a total fit discovering your secret like mine as I am sure for others did. I got the "Just a phase" diagnosis also. Exactly the one I lead him towards. No way in my first generation American very blue collar family and city back in the late 60's was there any other viable option. Was I pissed at them about it? No. Me insisting I should have been a girl would have meant far far more trouble. It was, and still very much is, how the world works. It never works the way we want it to.

Dare I ask why you feel they are on your back so much?

Constantly "Throwing a hissie". Having an attitude about them "denying" you, when you are technically an adult and in charge of your life now, harboring a hatred over them "destroying your penis", just may cause a little friction. Just as freeloading, refusing to be an adult and generally being a PIA will. (Just speculation on those particulars). At 24 I was long out from university, already proving myself to be a stellar engineer earning a salary well above my peers, had my "practice" marriage, and experimented with transition. Also dated a few full-time TS's and fell in love with one that I eventually married many years later.

I don't apologize for being "old school". My motto basically is "Life sucks and then you die". If you work it, you can find joy and happiness in between. It aint ever going to just happen because you want it to.

Quote from: JoanneB on April 08, 2012, 03:37:16 PM
+1

If things suck that much, what is there to loose?
Will they throw you out of the house? Maybe.

It didn't sound like mom had a total fit discovering your secret like mine as I am sure for others did. I got the "Just a phase" diagnosis also. Exactly the one I lead him towards. No way in my first generation American very blue collar family and city back in the late 60's was there any other viable option. Was I pissed at them about it? No. Me insisting I should have been a girl would have meant far far more trouble. It was, and still very much is, how the world works. It never works the way we want it to.

Dare I ask why you feel they are on your back so much?

Constantly "Throwing a hissie". Having an attitude about them "denying" you, when you are technically an adult and in charge of your life now, harboring a hatred over them "destroying your penis", just may cause a little friction. Just as freeloading, refusing to be an adult and generally being a PIA will. (Just speculation on those particulars). At 24 I was long out from university, already proving myself to be a stellar engineer earning a salary well above my peers, had my "practice" marriage, and experimented with transition. Also dated a few full-time TS's and fell in love with one that I eventually married many years later.

I don't apologize for being "old school". My motto basically is "Life sucks and then you die". If you work it, you can find joy and happiness in between. It aint ever going to just happen because you want it to.

At 24 I had emigrated to the US, I was married for 4 years and a parent to 2 wonderful young ladies and a newborn son.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 08, 2012, 10:43:33 AM
Don't tell them you're a girl, show them.

Yes, my thoughts exactly. Like we have told you before.

The world doesn't owe you anything. Not even your parents. You have to make it in the world yourself. As long as you are living under someone's roof you will have to make compromises. Hell, even if you live on your own and support yourself you'll have to make compromises in life. There are no free lunches.

It's definitely a case of doing what is required, rather than talking about it.  It really is up to you to run your own life.

If they can see you are a normal, healthy, happy woman, good.  If you are, and they can't see it, then they are missing out.  They also have to face up to life's harsh realities, or they will just be pushed along with the current, not knowing what is happening to them until it is too late and you have left.

One of our former Prime Ministers is often remembered for his quote from Shaw, "Life wasn't meant to be easy."  He just left off the rest of the line, " but with courage it can be glorious."

The first step is scary as Hell, but they get easier as time goes on.

Karen.

 When I was fourteen, I came out to my family expecting to either be thrown out, or to have to run away.

I was fortunate enough to have not experienced those things, but I remind myself that, every day, I am ready to do make that choice again if it will benefit my transition. Moving away... finding a way...

Transition is too important to waste time in a place that hinders you. I was and am obsessive when it comes to transitioning, and I've found that it helps. Do whatever you can to get everything done as soon as possible - to Hell with everything and everyone that becomes an obstacle.

Being very selfish makes the journey a lot easier.

I left home as a young teen runaway.. by 24 i was running a business.. .. however, i didn't runaway to cities where there are no NATURAL RESOURCES .. i went to the forest where they had trees and animals etc etc and there i was able to find work and start a recycling center and eventually a business haulin redwood across the usa first with an old 24 ft box truck i bought for 3k and then later by shipping with national piggyback carrier on trains. I also then bought old east coast furniture and drove it back west as a backhaul..

Yo have to stop living at home and get out in the world and do something..

What everyone else is saying:

Time for you to move out of the house. If you want them to see you as a independent adult you need to act like one.

Dear OP,

I have read all your posts and I understand what a difficult situation you are in. That's because I had a friend who was in a similar situation, some years ago. (And those of you who say the OP is a troll, I'm 99% sure she is NOT since I have seen multiple similar cases over the years, having been in the trans community for over a decade now.)

I understand how it's great for everyone to say how you should move out and leave your parents behind etc. but that's not always easy, even in your 20s. Culturally, some people are very close to their family, and it's very hard to break ties. Every important tie broken in life represents a source of grief, and women at the beginning of their transition have enough anxiety and issues to deal with already to need so much grief. For many people, rushing into making such drastic decisions like moving away from family whilst in such a vulnerable state can lead to future setbacks.

As for unsupportive family, I guess that means your transition needs to move a bit more slowly, maybe via a unisex state from what I have seen with others in similar situations. If possible, you may dress up when away from family, and revert to unisex presentation when with family. My experience suggests that many unsupportive families eventually turn to a don't ask, don't tell state over the years, and the relationship otherwise may not be that harmed. The important thing is not to give up, that is the most painful in the long run as you found out after detransitioning earlier this year.

Your hair needs to be more feminine for you to pass. Also, you have a long face, which means a fringe may be of help. I don't exactly know the situation with your hair, but I think a fringe clip-on piece may be helpful if your hair can take it. It might turn your hairstyle into a short, feminine one. Other than that, even if you have to use unisex clothes, adding feminine accessories, as I saw you did back in some photos last year, really helps. Many trans people on forums insist that you should go all out with dresses etc. even early in your transition, but I don't think it's a must. Also, don't mind too much about what some trans people say - they probably only started a year before you and play the expert. I have seen too many of these people over the years.

Quote from: JoanneB on April 08, 2012, 03:37:16 PM
Constantly "Throwing a hissie". Having an attitude about them "denying" you, when you are technically an adult and in charge of your life now, harboring a hatred over them "destroying your penis", just may cause a little friction. Just as freeloading, refusing to be an adult and generally being a PIA will. (Just speculation on those particulars). At 24 I was long out from university, already proving myself to be a stellar engineer earning a salary well above my peers, had my "practice" marriage, and experimented with transition. Also dated a few full-time TS's and fell in love with one that I eventually married many years later.

Sorry to be this heated, but just the reason why lots of our generation really believe your generation don't understand our issues. It was much easier to move out at 18 back then. Most of my (cis) friends actually still live at home in their 20s. Also, all your 'achievements' are easier than having to deal with transition, I believe, and may I 'speculate' that you only 'experimented' with transition because it was too hard to move forward with that. Not that there's anything wrong with that because transition is extremely hard, and was harder back then, but is still not easy now.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 08, 2012, 10:43:33 AM
Don't tell them you're a girl, show them.

Now this is oversimplifying things, and not some advice the OP can easily take from what I have read. It's not all that easy.

Quote from: Keaira on April 08, 2012, 01:22:48 PM
you can piss and moan about what's wrong in your life. But unless you actually do something about it, you're just going to be complaining for the rest of your life. So, get your butt into gear and get cracking. No one is going to take your hand and guide you through transition. You have to make it happen. And if your temper tantrum in another thread is any indication, You have other issues to deal with first.  Going ballistic when someone genders you as male when you certainly don't look female is not going to get you anywhere. We've all been though it! you just grin and bare it and work on improving your appearance and presentation so that it stops happening. Passing is 10% appearance and 90% attitude.

It is true that transition comes with little help, it's almost like using a very poorly documented program on linux. That's why, just like linux geeks, we support each other. Transition is hard, and judging others' emotional responses is not the way to go. When first transitioning and not having the 'luxury' to dress all-fem for whatever reason, one is certainly not going to look female. Yet one can still legitimately feel down because of being misgendered and not knowing where to go to next. As for 'passing is 10% appearance and 90% attitude', that's an urban myth - it's the other way around.

Quote from: carrietg on April 11, 2012, 07:15:40 AM
Dear OP,

I have read all your posts and I understand what a difficult situation you are in. That's because I had a friend who was in a similar situation, some years ago. (And those of you who say the OP is a troll, I'm 99% sure she is NOT since I have seen multiple similar cases over the years, having been in the trans community for over a decade now.)

After reading Bebe's comment how we are crossdressers and going to hell just two months ago, I have to respectfully disagree with you.

I have also been in the trans community for awhile as well and currently serving as a Pastor post transition. While I do hope Bebe isn't a troll, I am nevertheless cautious about this person.

The first half year or so we have been giving Bebe sound and good advice every time she posts. She never listens to the advice. She simply will create a thread.....lots of people will give good, sound advice and then two weeks later, she will post another thread about the same exact subject or something similar. She doesn't listen to any advice nor does she even acknowledged she read the thread in which she asked the question. Hence, why I am cautious around her....and people simply have stopped given her advice...because she never reads it.

Quote from: Annah on April 11, 2012, 12:05:46 PM
After reading Bebe's comment how we are crossdressers and going to hell just two months ago, I have to respectfully disagree with you.

I have also been in the trans community for awhile as well and currently serving as a Pastor post transition. While I do hope Bebe isn't a troll, I am nevertheless cautious about this person.

The first half year or so we have been giving Bebe sound and good advice every time she posts. She never listens to the advice. She simply will create a thread.....lots of people will give good, sound advice and then two weeks later, she will post another thread about the same exact subject or something similar. She doesn't listen to any advice nor does she even acknowledged she read the thread in which she asked the question. Hence, why I am cautious around her....and people simply have stopped given her advice...because she never reads it.

This ^  I too hope she isn't a troll but if she is then she is the oddest troll I've ever seen.  She does say some good things that makes sense every once in a while but I can't tell if it's in a mocking manner or not.  I honestly do not know what to make of her. 

I don't think she is a troll. Just easily influenced, emotionally troubled, and needs psychiatric guidance.

If she is a troll she still needs psychiatric guidance

Quote from: Malachite on April 11, 2012, 09:53:19 PM
This ^  I too hope she isn't a troll but if she is then she is the oddest troll I've ever seen.  She does say some good things that makes sense every once in a while but I can't tell if it's in a mocking manner or not.  I honestly do not know what to make of her.

I do.

We ALL troll. Trolling is conversation. You say something to get a response not to be ignored. People say a troll tries to inflame a discussion. How do we know what a person on the Internet intends?

This particular poster may or may not be a troll. This poster, burned a cross in our yard. This poster has been allowed to continue to post. This poster has never apologized or explained their actions. This poster has been allowed to continue to post. This person continues to post religious posts in secular forums. This person is allowed to post to this day.

This IS a support site. We support our community as well as individuals. At least I think we do. This community does not seem to know how to support this particulnar individual.

This individual's posts seem to cause disturbances amongst this community.

This community's elders do not seem to post in this particular poster's threads often if at all.

I know what this poster is.

Troll? Far too simple.

This poster is an enigma.

This emigma is harming this community and this community is not helping this enigma.

There is no need for a witch hunt here, but is there a need for this community to welcome a person who seemingly refuses to salve the community's honest concerns?

On a side note... allow me to imagine a potential scenario which heightens this community's concerns... and is admittedly exaggerated.

Would we allow a KKK member to continue posting after telling us we would all go to hell? No. Why? 'Cause they wouldn't be trans and KKK? I mean KKK members are anti-trans. Right.

Yup. You see?

Only vaguely-trans-people can tell this entire community they will burn in Hell. Then they can wish us a Happy Easter too! Why? 'cause they might be trans... unlike say, someone in the KKK.

Makes perfect, logical sense.

No?

Quote from: Tori on April 11, 2012, 10:20:26 PM

This IS a support site. We support our community as well as individuals. At least I think we do. This community does not seem to know how to support this particulnar individual.

Based on this comment, it tells me you have hardly read any of the OP's threads. If you have, you would not have made such a blind and ignorant response such as this.

A LOT of people have helped out this person. Or tried to. We have posted countless times on advice that I would have given my left eyeball for when I started to transition. The pearls of wisdom that has been given to the OP for the last year has been VALUABLE.

So do not get on your philosophical soapboax and ASSUME this community does not seem to know how to support this individual.

When an individual chooses to NOT receive the advice given and yet posts the same topics day in and day out that is not a  grievance in which the community is at fault. That is called, the OP does not take the information seriously enough so she feels the need to post another similar post.

QuoteThis individual's posts seem to cause disturbances amongst this community.

Yeah, going into a website of transgender people and citing the Book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy and then incorrectly preaching to "the crossdressers of the site" to please stop crossdressing because if you continue, you will go to hell; that is a horrible and irresponsible thing to say.

Also, it wasn't just on here. I had to delete over 10 comments in my youtube videos the same evening she posted on Susan's.  Her comments were "I accepted Jesus and I realized that me wanting to be a girl was just me needing Jesus. Repent and turn from crossdressing because Jesus doesn't want to see you in hell."

Yeah. That looks real good on my videos where they are mostly for trans women and men and to tell them that God is not throwing anyone in hell because of their gender. I spend that evening deleting Bebe's messages and then emailing her to please stop spamming me.

Then she posted in the FtM community section under "You look badass dude" and then posted pics of her there! The catch is, she is a genetically born male. Why would you post pics of you presenting as a man, being born as genetically male in a FtM "Do I pass" type of thread?

QuoteThis community's elders do not seem to post in this particular poster's threads often if at all.

Look up Bebe's threads. When you do, you will realize who wrong your statement here is.

QuoteI know what this poster is.


This emigma is harming this community and this community is not helping this enigma.

Quote

See my first response. Look at the countless of people here who have tried to help her on this site on her facebook site and on her youtube site.

This community has been trying to help her since she made herself known to us.

QuoteWould we allow a KKK member to continue posting after telling us we would all go to hell? No. Why? 'Cause they wouldn't be trans and KKK? I mean KKK members are anti-trans. Right.

Yup. You see?

Your logic on the above is so warped, I wont even entertain it. Next.

QuoteOnly vaguely-trans-people can tell this entire community they will burn in Hell. Then they can wish us a Happy Easter too! Why? 'cause they might be trans... unlike say, someone in the KKK.

Makes perfect, logical sense.

Some would call that a troll.

QuoteNo?

yes

Quote from: Annah on April 12, 2012, 07:47:13 PM
Based on this comment, it tells me you have hardly read any of the OP's threads. If you have, you would not have made such a blind and ignorant response such as this.

A LOT of people have helped out this person. Or tried to. We have posted countless times on advice that I would have given my left eyeball for when I started to transition. The pearls of wisdom that has been given to the OP for the last year has been VALUABLE.

So do not get on your philosophical soapboax and ASSUME this community does not seem to know how to support this individual.

When an individual chooses to NOT receive the advice given and yet posts the same topics day in and day out that is not a  grievance in which the community is at fault. That is called, the OP does not take the information seriously enough so she feels the need to post another similar post.

Yeah, going into a website of transgender people and citing the Book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy and then incorrectly preaching to "the crossdressers of the site" to please stop crossdressing because if you continue, you will go to hell; that is a horrible and irresponsible thing to say.

Also, it wasn't just on here. I had to delete over 10 comments in my youtube videos the same evening she posted on Susan's.  Her comments were "I accepted Jesus and I realized that me wanting to be a girl was just me needing Jesus. Repent and turn from crossdressing because Jesus doesn't want to see you in hell."

Yeah. That looks real good on my videos where they are mostly for trans women and men and to tell them that God is not throwing anyone in hell because of their gender. I spend that evening deleting Bebe's messages and then emailing her to please stop spamming me.

Then she posted in the FtM community section under "You look badass dude" and then posted pics of her there! The catch is, she is a genetically born male. Why would you post pics of you presenting as a man, being born as genetically male in a FtM "Do I pass" type of thread?


Look up Bebe's threads. When you do, you will realize who wrong your statement here is.

Your logic on the above is so warped, I wont even entertain it. Next.

Some would call that a troll.
yes

Annah, with all due respect. I was trying to state my true feelings about this person without being banned. You totally misinterpreted my intent. We are on the same side here. But if I am gonna' bring up the KKK, I gotta' be careful with what I say. No?

That said, perhaps you should peruse some of MY previous comments in this particular poster's threads before assuming my intent.

YOU, my preacher, are preaching to the choir. I highly suggest you consider THAT before making assumptions about my intent in the future.

Ok then I apologize.

When I read your post I do not see that. I read that the community leaders and others haven't helped her with her questions and threads.