It's my kid's birthday.  Should be a good day, instead my mum calls up and announces she's taking the kids to pizza hut, without discussing it.  When I say I won't be coming, she starts guilt tripping me about how it's unfair to my kid.  I tell her that I'm not eating junk, and she tells me I can eat their salad.  Yeah, thanks, I'll sit there with a bowl of crappy pizza hut salad while everyone else shovels pizza in their faces.  So she arrives at my place, and it's already tense between us, then she starts saying how disappointed she is that I'm not coming to celebrate my child's birthday, regardless of how I want to do it.  When the kids go upstairs for a minute, she continues to go on about it, and I just say I can't do the female thing anymore.  That I can't continually hear my old name or female pronouns.  It hurts.  I didn't tell her it hurts to hear it, because her face goes dark and foul and she stares down at her bag and starts picking at it, and I gesture and say, yeah that, I can't be around that.  Then she looks at me and says 'you're my daughter.'  I say no I'm not, and she goes on to say that I've always been her daughter and always will be.  It's ->-bleeped-<-ing soul-destroying to hear your parent saying that they will never see you.  Hearing them point blank refusing to acknowledge who you are, that they are happier to see you depressed and suicidal and living a lie than becoming confident and self-assured and excited about living.  Jesus, I mean I knew that's how she felt, she's said as much before, but it's like having that knife twisted.  She continued on to say it's sad that we can't have a relationship.  Yeah, it is sad, it's damn sad.  She's the one choosing that path.  I'm caught between hurt and pissed. 

What does your kid want to do for their birthday?
Sorry about your mother. Parental rejection is hard, but sometimes you just have to accept life is better without the venom, even if it means limiting orr stopping contact.

Aww that's really crappy  stay strong, chin up, hope your child ended up having a good day

Try not to let it being you down

Man, that sucks. Im sorry to hear that.

Trust me, I can empathize with what it sounds like youre going through (regarding your Mum, not the, having a child part).
My Mum still has never called me my name. Although now she does call me a nickname which seems to be a compromise.
  Thered be times where the family would go out to see family friends etc, or even just going to Church and Id say that Im not going. I wouldnt leave the house unless it was on my own and I could go walk the dog with my hood up and pass alone. But to leave with them, Id be introduced wrongly, and everything wrong pronoun, was like the horrible grip around my heart getting tighter, and its like I could feel my soul sink a little. To begin to explain to her, just like you said, her face changes, she goes serious, annoyed and just ahh, so much I could read into. She didnt want to hear any of it.
   At the time, there was nothing else I could do. She had to come round to it all on her own. Which, even if I were to go back to that time, knowing all this still wouldnt help, itd be up to my Mum.
   But what Id like to add is, as the years have passed, she and the most of my family, have gotten so much better. She really does try to support and care for me in all ways that dont necessarily pertain to this area as its still a sore subject. She just sees me as her child now. She is much better with trying pronouns. Still on the nickname as opposed to my name though, and she doesnt like me bringing up lower surgery, though she wants me to keep her in the loop.
    However, from me being the disappointment in the family, so it seemed, she said she was proud of me the other day. So, as dismal as it can look and feel, things can improve. Aslong as you just continue being you, hopefully her being given the time and space to realize that she should be putting her love for you before her uneasiness or unhappiness at things, will help.
   I hope all goes well for you Schism!

Schism I hope it gets better. That sounds rough.

As long as your child knows that you love her unconditionally, regardless of anything that is going on between you and your mother, the day can't be considered a total loss.
Hugs though, it sucks.

Karen.