Today I sat and talked with my therapist about trying to blend my two sides; the woman and the man.  He wants me to try and find a balance between the two.  All my life I suppressed the female inside, and focused on the male. Now I have given up on trying to hide my feminine side but find fear is stopping me from honouring her. Has anyone been able to find a balance between the two?

I don't know if there's such a thing as "balance." I've been thinking lately about Karl Jung's "anima" ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus), and the "inner female." I see several tiers of "expression" of our feminine feelings. To wit, things that are:

1. Forbidden. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by having sex with men, the answer is No, because it is doctrinally (in my church) unequivocal that this is sin.

2. Risky at best. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by transitioning, it's almost certainly a bad idea. It's not doctrinally unequivocal, but my church has very clear policies discouraging it, and if you did, it would jeopardize your ability to attend the temple.

3. Social suicide. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by showing up at work every day en femme, it is not  to my knowledge contrary to any commandment. But it may cause you pragmatic difficulties.)

4. Socially awkward. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by socializing with women, watching chick flicks, and generally engaging in activities that are generally considered "girly," then there is a threshold above which people will think it's odd that you do so many of those things.)

5. Socially acceptable. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by doing things that are appropriate for either gender, like being nurturing to your children. I don't see any drawback to this category, but it is admittedly small.)

5. Private but awkward. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by wearing women's underwear beneath male outerwear, then nobody is going to know. But depending on your wife, it could cause difficulties in that relationship, which is of paramount importance.)

6. Private and acceptable. (e.g., If "anima" wants to express herself by spending time with your wife helping her shop for shoes and giving honest opinions, or writing your feelings in a constructive way (I sometimes write in a journal of what I would have done that day if I were my twin sister). These things are probably highly productive.)

So my advice, for what it's worth, is to sit down and really think about what "anima" wants to do to express herself. If you gave her free reign to just do anything she wanted, what would it be? Then classify those things according to their possible consequences. Obviously, anything that is going to be an outright sin, or that's going to wreck your marriage, or jeopardize your church membership, should come immediately off the list.

He sounds like a YING YANG 

Quote from: Ultimus on April 11, 2012, 06:53:27 PM
Obviously, anything that is going to be an outright sin, or that's going to wreck your marriage, or jeopardize your church membership, should come immediately off the list.

Why? (and whatever your answer, my question is again why... and probably a few more why's until you figure out that there isn't really a reason to value those things so highly ... and that the idea of "sin" is even rather simplistic / foolish).

  Eh idk...

  Try deep meditation maybe? lol

 

Quote from: Rabbit on April 11, 2012, 07:03:09 PM
Why? (and whatever your answer, my question is again why... and probably a few more why's until you figure out that there isn't really a reason to value those things so highly ... and that the idea of "sin" is even rather simplistic / foolish).

My church defines the sins, I can't exactly question it because it's inconvenient. I'm not saying it's a sin for you or anyone else but it is a sin for me and members of my church, if that makes sense.

 I have approached this topic much differently, and have found balance. But... I am a different person.

For me, the female side is the more present, and the male the less. I should probably say feminine and masculine... but for the sake of the image, I'll stick to male and female. Because of that, expressing my feminine side is extremely rewarding - transitioning has made me very happy so far, and will continue to do so.

However, my male side requires some expression as well - I incorporate some more masculine things into my personality, like a punkish attitude at times, I tend to value strength of character and body more than people around me, I can be argumentative, and cold when I'm angry, and a variety of other things.

The result is that I come across femininely, with a side of kick-ass, and I get to express every aspect of myself to the extents necessary.

If my person was more split down the middle - equally male and female - I would find a way to express them equally. I would probably present androgynously, and have fun in masculine and feminine activities. I would allow myself to be very feminine sometimes, and very masculine at other times - depending on the situation, of course.

That would probably go down as Socially Awkward, Socially Acceptable, and Private but Acceptable, if I had to stick to the categories.

Quote from: Ultimus on April 11, 2012, 07:06:40 PM
My church defines the sins, I can't exactly question it because it's inconvenient.

Hehe, umm... well... too bad they don't tell you how to express your feminine side, it would probably be easier (you could ask them I guess?).

Quote from: Rabbit on April 11, 2012, 07:19:16 PM
Hehe, umm... well... too bad they don't tell you how to express your feminine side, it would probably be easier (you could ask them I guess?).

Hah! ily.

IDK what you want us to say, Ultimus. We don't know your church and, quite frankly, am willing to bet 99% of us will disagree with your church. I'm not gonna tell you how to believe in God though.