I was thinking about this the other day. Many people tell me to accept my body the way it is and to enjoy it until I get top surgery. I have a VERY hard time doing that and the people saying this are cis people. Hardly any trans people say this. I get sick of people telling me how to feel about my body. I know they're trying to be helpful and make me feel better, but dysphoria is something that isn't going to go away until the problem is solved. It does bother me a little when people read me as female. Am I crazy for thinking this? Am I crazy for getting upset when cis people tell me how to feel about my body while being trans? I'm not saying they can offer no advice, but I feel, until you're in my shoes, don't tell me how to feel. Anyone else?

No, you aren't crazy for thinking that.  I didn't like it when people told me the same thing.  I think it's because a lot of cis people don't understand the type or degree of dysphoria that a trans people might feel.  It's very hard to feel comfortable with something that you feel is so incongruous with your identity.   

I agree with Adio, I think a lot of cis people just can't relate. Thus they try to make you feel better by telling you to try to be happy with what you have.

I've been told by plenty of cis people that trans is fabricated, it's a matter of having bad self-esteem or thinking "the grass is always greener," but they've never once felt dysphoric. You feel the way you feel, and you can do your best to keep your head up and be strong through it, but it doesn't mean you're going to enjoy it. That's WHY you're trans. If you were good with what you had until you could change, why would you be changing it?

You aren't crazy.  Heck cis people try to tell other cis people what they should do with their bodies.  I've been told by a friend and my sister to just be happy with who I am which I find VERY offensive.  To me I feel as though it's a cop out excuse to say that especially from a person who gets to enjoy the body which they are in.  If they feel the happiness then why can't I?  I know myself better than anyone else would so I know what's best for me and if someone doesn't like it then they can kiss the end of my boot because at the end of the day when I lay my head to the pillow I am the one who carries my dysphoria burdens and not anyone else.

Omg i hate that!    My grandmother tried to tell me that my body dysphoria was nothing and i'll get over it etc.   

Quote from: Darrin Scott on April 18, 2012, 05:52:32 PM
I was thinking about this the other day. Many people tell me to accept my body the way it is and to enjoy it until I get top surgery. I have a VERY hard time doing that and the people saying this are cis people. Hardly any trans people say this. I get sick of people telling me how to feel about my body. I know they're trying to be helpful and make me feel better, but dysphoria is something that isn't going to go away until the problem is solved. It does bother me a little when people read me as female. Am I crazy for thinking this? Am I crazy for getting upset when cis people tell me how to feel about my body while being trans? I'm not saying they can offer no advice, but I feel, until you're in my shoes, don't tell me how to feel. Anyone else?

I dont think your about to go crazy,
as it already said, cisgenders just can't understand.

in my opinion if theres something you dont like you either change it or accept it.
both is fine, in my opinion its fine you accept it but if you wanna change it its also fine,
as it said again, cis-genders dosent have the same kinds of problems so they wont understand. if your going to there

view you should put on a exemple like "why do you colour your hair? you like it that way?, but why dosent you just keep it natural and accept that your real hair colour isnt blonde?"

or
"why do you shave your body? you like it so, but your actually pretty hairy why dont you just accept that?"

"your want bigger boobs, but small boobs suits you, cant you just accept your born with small boobs and love them, I love small boobs"

in fact its not really your busniss what your friends do with there body, neither is it peoples desision what you do with yours.

oh god please forgive there ignorance.. -__-

My therapist focuses in alot about being comfortable with my body how it is until I can get things changed.  She encourages binding if it makes you feel better.  She is more concerned with your mental health if you constantly hate your body then it's hard to keep from being depressed. 

That being said --- she is the only person I will take it from --- cis people who tell me it I tell them to shut up they have no idea

Cis people don't get it. Laugh at their inability to understand. I wouldn't say that you should learn to accept your body, but that we should all learn how to function with the bodies we have until the next step can be made (whatever that may be).

My parents try to understand what I'm going through and no matter how supportive they are, when I tell them how I'm feeling I always end up saying something along the lines of "I know you could never really fathom what it's actually like...", but I also makes sure they also know that means that I will never feel the way about the body I'm stuck in like they do. I couldn't learn to be comfortable with something that's always felt so wrong.

I will never be comfortable with my chest without surgery. That isn't vanity, low self-esteem, delusion, brainwashing, or even preference. I just can't handle what I have there right now. I've even been told by cispeople that if I was a "real" man I would enjoy my breasts and play with them all the time. No matter how jokingly people say things like that, there's still a clear lack of understanding of what this is like.

I don't hate mine, by and large it lets me live my real life, and that's not a bad thing.

Now that it is well on the way to my preferred configuration it's more a case of putting up with the appendage for a little while longer.  Seeing I have taken 50+ years to get this far, I can wait a bit.  I can't deny I will be more satisfied with it after SRS though.

Other people can keep their adverse opinions to themselves though, or I will tell them to take a flying **** at a rolling donut.

Karen.

Quote from: Felix on April 18, 2012, 10:39:16 PM
I will never be comfortable with my chest without surgery. That isn't vanity, low self-esteem, delusion, brainwashing, or even preference. I just can't handle what I have there right now. I've even been told by cispeople that if I was a "real" man I would enjoy my breasts and play with them all the time. No matter how jokingly people say things like that, there's still a clear lack of understanding of what this is like.

This, so damn hard.

I hate my chest, there's no question about that, but I also hate surgery and I couldn't imagine myself doing it. So while the hate is still there, it's not something debilitating and my complete aversion to slicing in to my otherwise healthy body kind of trumps it. When I was younger I used to fantasize about something would work like wart remover - you know .. just rub this liquid medicine on them and then just shrivel up and fall off like the useless flabs of skin that they are lol

Even though I'm third-gendered I know that my body is not meant to be female. I can't stand my chest- its just wrong. Recently I've had problems with other things as well. I'm told that I'm a 'pretty girl' by cis-gendered people- friends, family. I don't find it offensive, just miserable. Maybe being pretty is good but its not me.

Quote from: Felix on April 18, 2012, 10:39:16 PM
I will never be comfortable with my chest without surgery. That isn't vanity, low self-esteem, delusion, brainwashing, or even preference. I just can't handle what I have there right now. I've even been told by cispeople that if I was a "real" man I would enjoy my breasts and play with them all the time. No matter how jokingly people say things like that, there's still a clear lack of understanding of what this is like.

To try and explain how I feel to people I used to say "imagine if you woke up tomorrow and you felt exactly the same....but you had the opposite body...how would you feel?" and they all said "that'd be awesome I'd just stay home and play with myself all day!"

Yeah maybe if you had a day that's what you'd do. This is MY LIFE god dammit. Playing with myself is fun, but not that fun

That may be an honest answer. I think it's reasonable that some people are more strongly gendered than others, akin to being strongly hetero or strongly gay. I think a lot more people than admit it or even realize it are bisexual, and by the same reasoning of a spectrum of gender, there are probably a lot of people who adapt to their bodies as is, despite preferences with it being otherwise, and might even be able to adapt well enough if they experienced the hypothetical sudden gender change. I think I would, even though I prefer a male body. I think if I woke up female, I'd try to adapt rather than transition, but that's just me. I don't feel I'm as strongly gendered as some. Also, I admit I can't say that for sure without actually having the experience and living in a female body for a while.

Quote from: dalebert on April 19, 2012, 03:53:57 PM
That may be an honest answer. I think it's reasonable that some people are more strongly gendered than others, akin to being strongly hetero or strongly gay. I think a lot more people than admit it or even realize it are bisexual, and by the same reasoning of a spectrum of gender, there are probably a lot of people who adapt to their bodies as is, despite preferences with it being otherwise, and might even be able to adapt well enough if they experienced the hypothetical sudden gender change. I think I would, even though I prefer a male body. I think if I woke up female, I'd try to adapt rather than transition, but that's just me. I don't feel I'm as strongly gendered as some. Also, I admit I can't say that for sure without actually having the experience and living in a female body for a while.

Shut up, cisman.

I mean, uh, yeah you're probably right as far as spectrums go. I do wonder how much conditioning comes into play, too. Like if I didn't have to be treated like a girl for so long on top of having the wrong parts, maybe I wouldn't be so disturbed by the parts. I'm not sure. I'm also a little befuddled as to why I'm just mildly sheepish about my genitals, but bothered to the point of dissociative tendencies regarding my breasts.

All of you go become scientists, nao! We need answers, get to work!

(dalebert you shouldn't actually shut up )

Quote from: Felix on April 20, 2012, 12:31:59 AM
I do wonder how much conditioning comes into play, too. Like if I didn't have to be treated like a girl for so long on top of having the wrong parts, maybe I wouldn't be so disturbed by the parts.

Hmm ... you know this could be why I don't have uber crazy dysphoria. For large chunks of my life I really wasn't treated like a female.

"You should just be happy with what you have"

I've heard this so many times from cis people that I've wanted to scream.
I wish there was an easier way for them to understand.


I've tried to explain it like this.
Imagine tomorrow that you woke up and your entire body was covered in a skin like suit. It looks and feels just like normal skin, but it's not yours. You look in the mirror and you know that its not you that you see. You look down and it's not your body and you know its not cause your brain tells you so.
And you feel suffocated and trapped in this suit. And you can never take it off.

This is how i've always felt. Long before I was realized I was trans. But when I try to explain, people just get creeped out and turn off.

Quote from: Kyyn on April 20, 2012, 08:04:48 AM
"You should just be happy with what you have"

I've heard this so many times from cis people that I've wanted to scream.
I wish there was an easier way for them to understand.


I've tried to explain it like this.
Imagine tomorrow that you woke up and your entire body was covered in a skin like suit. It looks and feels just like normal skin, but it's not yours. You look in the mirror and you know that its not you that you see. You look down and it's not your body and you know its not cause your brain tells you so.
And you feel suffocated and trapped in this suit. And you can never take it off.

This is how i've always felt. Long before I was realized I was trans. But when I try to explain, people just get creeped out and turn off.

This is a good way to describe it. I think it's too "crazy" for anyone who doesn't experience it to actually imagine though. I think that's the problem. We can give the best analogys in the world but unless they actually feel it they'll never really get it.