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How old were you when you realized....

Started by Robin., December 03, 2009, 06:21:31 PM

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K Style Addiction

I realized i was different at age 10, i realized that i was a woman at age 18...so that's me  ::)
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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Chloe

About 17 - 18: am 56 now ! Always liked girls but enjoyed attention of guys way too much; only thing i knew for sure was "WASN'T GAY"
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"
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taraignota

It hit me around 22 or 23, and some of the thoughts I had been having near the end of college suddenly made a lot more sense. That being said, I feel like looking for transgender thoughts in high school or earlier would subject me to a textbook case of confirmation bias :P
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Sooner-Or-Later

I put the pieces of the puzzle together at 27 and slowly realized its implication perhaps two months ago.  But I had girly tendencies since I was 5 or 6, and those tendencies were either mocked or beaten out of me until I became a fighting type in middle school, high school, and briefly on an amateur level.  Unmistakable urges would manifest every few years or so - urges that could possibly get me in trouble.  I was outright caught one night by my mom and brother as I lied in the shower passed out (an incident related to molestation and just the psychological trauma and confusion it all caused for me).  But between playing with my dad's girlfriend's hair, shaving my legs at 6, and other things I don't care to get into, all those pieces pointed to MTW transgender identity.  So essentially, my discovery was a derivation based off of properties inherent in girls - properties that caused any denial to be a product of intellectual dishonesty and paranoia of the perception of others.

It is critical to note that I would never consider being transgender but from a purely abstract standpoint had I not known I could pass.  So my concern now is purely existential, i.e. can I pass in such a manner that my mother won't regard my transition as a mere disfigurement, that my brother (after a few encounters) can call me his sister without feeling weird about it six months later, that I can marry a normal guy without serious psychological issues, that I can be normal enough to adopt a kid and be that kid's mother?  Those are my primary concerns in the long-term.
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Shang

I'm going to be a bit of an odd one out.  I was 17 before I even began to look at my gender identity and 22 when I realized that the term for it was androgynous. 

I never considered any of my behaviors from when I was child until later on because I had far worse things on my mind than what my gender identity was, such as the fact that I could die any time I became sick (even with the cold) along with being picked on constantly, going to physical therapy, social anxiety, etc. 

I never once thought "I should be a guy" when I was kid for the above reasons and my behaviors were just my behaviors.  My parents raised me to do what I want and never said, "that's what a guy would do" or "that's girlly...want to do it?"  As long as I was happy, they didn't care what I did.  I engaged in masculine behaviors and feminine behaviors, but they never had a label until I was older because I never considered them anything other than behaviors that everyone would exhibit.

When I was 17, I entered the Otherkin community and became more introspective and started to really look at me.  It was when I really realized my internal identity really didn't line with my external identity (Otherkin wise or gender identity wise).  It took another good 4 or 5 years to find the word for it and be happy.

I'm not going to be transitioning, but I'm also not going to hide my behaviors and just happily be me.
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Michelle G

I'm not always the best at putting my thoughts into words, but I will try ;)

I was 6 or 7ish when I begin to think something was up, from the inside looking out I felt very "girlish" but of course on the outside looking at mirrors etc. was very much boy, it was quite confusing at best and in the 60's there were really no answers to how I felt, I just dealt with it as I grew up not mentioning it to anyone.
around 10 or 11 my sister (2 years younger) and I would get curious about our bodies and would do a little "show and tell" once in awhile, I always admired her girl parts and felt I should look like that also...no question! watching her grow up with me was frustrating as she was and still is the perfect "girl version" of me.
I was always treated well in boy mode and had good friends growing up, most of which were girls as I got along so well with them, that has never really changed to this day.
What was always funny was "boys being boys" they would tease a bit by calling me by the "girl version" of my male birth name (see profile name) I would just smile a little as it felt quite good actually...little did they know, lol
In my 20's I so wished I could be all girl all the time but it was just so hard to even know where to start with so few resources to do so. And my career depending on me being male in order to succeed...so I just went day to day being happy that at least I had my dreams and inner thoughts that no one could touch or change.
fast forward many years and on my third marriage to a wonderful girl of my dreams...I could not keep this "secret" any longer from her and finally after twelve years together I told her all about "Michelle" she took it better than I thought but there will be many adjustments that will take time for both of us! she SO doesn't want to lose the man she married and I have assured her I will try to retain as much of that as possible for her sake. (she does not want to be intimate with a female btw)
She is really nice about helping me out by giving me some of her clothes that dont fit her anymore and has even sat down with me and helped with ordering cute things from her Victoria's Secret account.
Yes overall I am happy but as always wish for more! the male dominated career I am in is the biggest roadblock in coming out more than I have :(
Just a "California Girl" trying to enjoy each sunny day
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Maryk69

I knew at a real young age. I think like age 4 I knew.
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Rebecca Perez

5-years-old for me. My first distinct memory. It was also when I hid myself from the world because I was afraid of being punished. When I  came out to my dad (who totally accepts me) he said that it was probably the right thing to do because he would have been an "->-bleeped-<-" about it.
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Max96

I've always been a "boyish" girl when i was like 8-12 but i didn't really think about it. Some people misgendered me but i really didn't care. Later I thought that i am a butch lesbian but i realize that i'm just trans and in all kind of relationships i wanne be guy.
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Calicea

I felt different for as long as I can remember. I didn't come to be depressed until 14 approximately and in the following years I came to understand my "condition"  and sought out therapy. I have now been on hormones for a little over a week being 18 now. It's a long journey pace yourself don't rush it. You'll get where you should be soon enough. Best of luck to you.
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Constance

Quote from: Connie Anne on January 19, 2010, 10:43:56 AM
I was probably between 5 and 7 years old when I first thought something like, "Oh, well, I was born a boy so I'll just have to live as a boy."

I wouldn't think anything like that for many years, and didn't really come to grips with being androgyne/gender-fluid until about 2 years ago (I'm 40).
Heh, my original answer was correct at the time I posted it. But, I discovered in late 2010 (when I was 41) that being gender-fluid was not working for me, and I began transitioning in January 2011.

AbraCadabra

64!... the rest I'd 'conveniently' forgotten...
Hey, there is so much more VERY important stuff, like having food on the table!

Something you really want to tell your average shrink to give him one 'Benjamin' inspired freak on :-)

He, he,
Axélle
PS: - Key sentence: "What do you pretend you don't know?!"
Some say: "Free sex ruins everything..."
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♥ Dutchess

I realized the minute there was a difference between boys and girls, farthest I remember back, being 5-6 wanting to be a girl. I missed a lot of days my sophomore year of high school because I didn't want to go to school as who I was.Just happy I am finally able to do something about it.
We're beautiful, like diamonds in the sky
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~Nikki59~

I knew something was wrong and that I wanted to be a girl ever since my earliest memories. Once the internet came about and we finally got America Online and I started looking around on the internet I always knew one day I would transition. I was 28 when I finally took action. And like you, I wish I had the courage to do it sooner too.
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AbraCadabra

The moment I came out of the womb - seriously, now it be tough to beat that...

Dang, I never shared THAT with my shrink. No wonder he had his doubts. There are these expectations, needing to be fulfilled... failure to communicate once again... oh well :-)

Axélle
Some say: "Free sex ruins everything..."
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LibrayGal

I knew I wanted to be a girl around age 5.
Now at 31 I've come out to friends and family
Who have excepted me. I hope to transition.
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cacasca

I think it started @ age 10 when I cried about hair cuts. And was always very ->-bleeped-<-ish about haircuts
further @ 15 when I got called a girl and got my hair pulled
started hormones @ 22 and I was getting way to much into mastrubation and downward spiral as a boy
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ohnoimaduck

For me, I never really felt like a boy, only when my parents told me I was, I was actually aware of it, and it made me sick. :/

When I was about 9 or so, I was at my grandparents house, and I saw this documentary on being transgender, and how people went from male to female and vice versa. When I saw it, I was entranced, thinking "Woah, that can happen? I need this!" I guess you could say that was my defining moment, but I'd say it was the period of two years where I'd imagine switching bodies with a girl in my class in every and any way I could imagine. lol
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming...
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Amalina

I feel so out of place because of this but for me it's only been less than a year, 33, since I fully realized what was wrong with me and so far over that year or so I've mostly decided I need to fix it. Of course I still have doubts but they are all external ones really. I fear whether I can emotionally handle the discrimination from both family/friends as well as strangers I'm probably going to face. Things like that, but I have no doubts about who I am inside so I guess that counts as deciding kinda.

I think I always kinda knew but was so blinded by societal expectations of being a man I was brought up with that I never felt comfortable even thinking on this much. It took a bunch of medication to get my mind clear enough to confront it finally.

MiaOhMya!

I'm not sure exactly how old I was, but one of the earliest memories I can recall is of what would be called dysphoria. I know a lot of people say the same, but i was aged around 4 or 5.

The pain started to become unbearable aged around  9 or 10 when I was realising that "magical transformations" as an answer to a prayer had about as much chance of occuring as Bob Saget knocking on my door and asking for a cup of sugar...in the rain...on Mars...

Yeah, once I got wise that loss of childish "hope" was the worst!
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