Hello, everyone!
I suppose I should just get right to it...
I'm 21 years old, and I live in an area of northern California called Colusa county, about an hour away from Sacramento. I have, as far as I remember, always known that being a boy wasn't right for me. One of my earliest memories is being jealous of the pretty clothes that my younger sister got to wear, and trying to put one of her dresses on (it was way too small of course, I was like 3 or 4, and she was 2). My dad caught me doing it, and after being punished for it ("Boys don't wear dresses!" ha). After that, I always had to act as masculine as I could around him, and that's still going on to this day.
In school, at least in elementary school, I could play with the girls and I never was teased as far as I remember, but in 5th grade I was moved from where I lived (the coast of Oregon), down to California with my father, and I didn't have any friends anymore. The boys thought I was weird, and the girls didn't want to include me, so for months I had no one. Eventually I settled into hanging out with the nerdy crowd, since they were the only ones who really accepted me, and I at least had some friends, even though I couldn't
really be who I was. I started acting more masculine to try and overcompensate for how feminine I naturally acted. It didn't really work, and I was still teased, but oh well
In 7th grade, I started to grow my hair out. My dad was pretty against it at first, but I convinced him it was because I was WAY into metal music, which he loves, and I was able to keep it
The unfortunate side effect being that I had to start listening to metal, which I didn't like at all at the time, but some sacrifices had to be made!
In 9th grade, my dad moved us to Sacramento, so he could be with his girlfriend, and we lived with her for about half a year, until they broke up.
I'm still kinda sad about it, going from such a conservative community to school in the city was amazing, I was able to be myself with the friends I had there, and I was accepted for it. But then we moved back to Colusa, and it was back into hiding myself.
While in 10th grade, one of my friends approached me after school one day. He and I had been friends for about two years, and he came to me with a confession: he wanted to be a girl, and he felt like I was the only one who he could tell at the time, because he thought that maybe I was the same way. What I wish I had done is confide in him, let him know that he wasn't alone in it, and then we could use each other for support.
Instead, I was awful, and denied it. I felt like I couldn't risk anyone knowing at the time, even though at the same time I was craving to have someone I could confide in, and we started drifting apart. It is probably my biggest regret.
I now have my own place, and am looking to start transitioning now that I am finally out of school and living away from my family. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how to get started, but I was planning on trying to find a gender therapist, perhaps in Sacramento or Woodland, which are close enough that I could manage the drive there.
Anyway, sorry for the wall of text! I sometimes don't know when to stop talking
Thanks to anyone who actually reads through my little life story! <3
