Every time I see my reaching-6-feet cousin I get so incredibly jealous. I WANT what he has. He's got the best male body ever to me. People calling him a "fine young man". I don't know, I just want that. But I'm scared to go to a therapist. It's that one step I'm scared of, I don't kow why. And I'm scared to change and take T, I'm scared of the possible bad changes it will do to my body. Not sure how to get over this fear. I don't see myself being female forever but I don't see myself transitioning any time soon either. It's really getting me down.

Bioguys get both good and bad changes that come with testosterone.
They don't get to choose.
Cody, neither will you when (and if) you start testosterone; it doesn't work like that.
Honestly, I don't know why anyone thinks it would.

Fear of the unknown is common. 

I'm not fond of the potential damages my body could take while being on T either but to me it's either take T or be miserable.  I am well aware of the risks and are ready to die for them. 

You just have to assess what is more important to you.  You have to ask yourself what are you willing to risk in order to become the person you are.

Also if potential damages are a concern then make sure you try to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and eat more healthy and exercise.  I need to be doing that myself.

Speaking from experience, it's best to find a way to mentally "get over" certain aspects though - like that you'll never be that 6 foot tall dude. And like others have said, you can't pick and choose what T will do to your body. I think it's a give and take for sure ... even mentally. If you can deal without transition now, do so. It's one of those "last resort" type of things imo. Like if you just can not live another day unless you're seen by society as male (or if you can't accept your own body), then you transition.

Quote from: casey on April 24, 2012, 01:10:29 AM
What exactly do you mean by "bad changes"? Do you mean physical changes you may not like (acne, hair loss) or medical issues? Or both? Because I think they both need to be approached differently.

This

Quote from: Jamie D on April 24, 2012, 01:22:12 AM


This

LMAO!

Cody, I've suffered the bad effects. Like teenage acne that only quit AFTER I was on estrogen. Some hair loss too. But there are ways to treat and prevent that. Look at Squirrel.. (Dreamy sigh ) He turned out just fine on T. The first FtM I ever met was balding, hairy as heck, but he is still a wonderful person who has found that inner peace that transition can bring.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You have to figure out what is best for you of course, but don't let fear of the unknown be the only thing to hold you back. Some don't need to transition. others do. many are happy being androgynous. you just have to find that nook where your happy.

hey Cody, i'm completely with you (except for the fact that i've been in therapy for the past eight months for gender/anxiety/depression). I want my male body so badly. i want top surgery and T so my work outs will be more productive and I can have pecs and killer biceps and my shoulders and lats can grow wider than my hips. (but I 100% can't deal with going bald. i just can't. i love my hair way to much and can't rock that look) and I'm so scared of the facial/body hair and my voice because my family refuses to take my gender confusion seriously and and fighting me every step . I'm scared of losing them and they make me ao embarrassed/ashamed when they ask me what I want to do to my body that I lose all confidence and can't tell them 'i'm a transguy and i want to start transitioning with T and surgery, etc.' which just makes me more confused about whether I'm really trans in the first place. so yea, my fear of the changes vs. desire for changes is constantly jacking my head up.

if you're worried about facial hair then get it zapped off when it comes in. I've heard of salesmen getting it done since it cuts down on time getting ready in the morning.

Hey. Butt hair. My butt is wookieeish. I accept it as well that's the breaks of being a guy. It should never have been a "choice" of mine, so I take it as it comes.

In a lot of ways though, I have a body worthy of envy. Effortless muscle, beautiful skin and veins and stuff. I smell awesome. T isn't all bad, man.

sure felix, teenage body odor is heavenly

watch out for the butt hair though, sometimes when you take a #2 there's a straggler that grabs for one of those hair's and hangs on like Stallone in Cliffhanger.

Cody, each sex has it's own pluses and minuses. You take the good with the bad. like:

Looking like Johnny Depp: Good (If I had to suffer as a male at least I'd look smexy doing it.)

oily skin and hair, with a side order of hairloss: Bad

Being able to skip shaving whenever I wanted: Good

having to shave that stuff off after 4 days of not shaving: bad (It hurts! but you sure get a smooth face after.)

As a woman...

having access to over 600 channels of emotions: good.

not having that upper body strength I had as a guy: bad (Especially in my job)

Quotesure felix, teenage body odor is heavenly

watch out for the butt hair though, sometimes when you take a #2 there's a straggler that grabs for one of those hair's and hangs on like Stallone in Cliffhanger.

I wear deodorant. I just mean, uh, my like, uh, thingy smells all metallic and wonderful now. My body in general is kinda feral and takes some maintenance to be acceptable, of course.

LOL! You made me laugh with that last comment Felix. thank you ^_^

I don't really want to grow a mini dick. I am much happier pretending that I have nothing there and am happy with my packer. (Of course having the real thing would be best) I do think that I could learn to like it if it did grow and having one is a million times better than dealing with female stuff.

Quote from: Mr.Rainey on April 24, 2012, 04:23:12 AM
I don't really want to grow a mini dick. I am much happier pretending that I have nothing there and am happy with my packer. (Of course having the real thing would be best) I do think that I could learn to like it if it did grow and having one is a million times better than dealing with female stuff.

I hate to say it - Kiera's right, we have like it or lump it when we start HRT.
When you start on T, the clitoris gets bigger - don't forget that if you decide to have bottom surgery, the enlarged size is going to help, depending on which way you decide to go.

For me, I'm liking my changes to date, but I haven't been on HRT long enough to start missing upper body strength - that's going to be an annoyance for me with work.

I have to admit I don't think I'd mind losing any hair on my head. It isn't something to hope for or anything, but I bet it would be good for passing.

Well, I'm gonna be a little harsh here but--

Transition is like, kind of a serious thing. If you're certain that you were born in the wrong body and that it doesn't fit you, you should pretty much be willing to give up your physical femininity at any point, without even having to think about it. It should feel like choosing between being stabbed and given $10.

The social issues are a different story 'cause nobody wants to be rejected by everyone, but in terms of just your body... T isn't going to do something to you it wouldn't do if you were born a man. I think if you have any doubt at all, even the slightest, on a physical basis, you should really do a lot of introspection and ask yourself if transition is really for you. 

Not sure if I agree with pretty. I leapt into HRT head first and haven't regretted it, but I think it's very good to be apprehensive and cautious. Transition is a huge change and it is very normal for some of it to be bittersweet.
And I don't know *any* cis guys who welcome male pattern balding.

At the end of the day though, it is a package deal. Anais Nin probs said it best
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Quote from: casey on April 24, 2012, 01:10:29 AM
What exactly do you mean by "bad changes"? Do you mean physical changes you may not like (acne, hair loss) or medical issues? Or both? Because I think they both need to be approached differently.

Bad changes? Well, everything everyon's mentioned so far, that alone I'm already scared of.

Quote from: -JR- on April 24, 2012, 09:31:43 AM
I'm scared of the bad changes too but thats not going to stop me from transitioning and eventually taking T. I'm absolutely terrified to lose my hair and I had pretty bad acne my first go through puberty so I'm not looking forward to that either but I'll deal with it when the time comes. I'm hoping since I take after my mom for the most that I'll still take after my moms side on T because at 70 my grandpa had a full head of hair and at 50 my uncle still has a awesome hair line but my dad has been bald since he was 35  so I shall see where I end up. If I stopped every time something scared me I wouldn't be this far today.

I'm not sure who I take after :/ my dad is badly balding and ya, I'm not sure how I'd deal with the mental image of not having any hair, on top of being so damned short. I'm already looking into hair laser therapy treatment for myself.

Finasteride helps a lot of people to avoid losing hair from MPB and you can prolly get a prescription by visiting a dermatologist or maybe even a general doctor. It helps a LOT to start taking it as soon as you see symptoms because it's a better preventative and won't help nearly as much to regain lost hair. I've heard recently that it also suppresses body hair somewhat. I think that might explain some things with me as I'm pretty low on body hair compared to the average guy and compared to both my dad and brother. And monoxidil is now cheap (especially store brand) and available without prescription.

I found out that the PH of your sexual emissions become more male-like when you're on T, i.e. more alkaline. I guess that's going to be a factor in terms of scent. And I agree that's probably a good thing in terms of attracting people who tend to be more attracted to traditionally male characteristics.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor! This is based on layman understandings. Follow up with your doctor.