I may ramble a bit here - I am recovering from a brain injury a few years ago, and my brain feels kind of mushy, right now.

I am just talking out loud - I am finding myself, slowly, gathering more 'male' items - to either wear, or carry, etc. - it just feels 'right'.  But, for me, I am still female - so, I really just feel either 'half and half', or 'in between'.  I try not to worry about labels,  but I have always felt 'androgynous'.  I have even been contemplating wearing an 'Androgyne' t-shirt, underneath my button-downs - to get closer to 'coming out'.  I live in a pretty small town, where it is hard to hide - and, part of me wants to hide, so I can just be 'me', but I also want to come out to all, and still just be ME - I just keep trying to take baby steps, right now.  JinJan.

To Agfrommd - Someone here mentioned once, that they wear something feminine, underneath their regular clothes - and others, like me, enjoy dressing however I feel like dressing (usually male), while we are home, alone.  I wonder, if doing something like that, would help you to feel more fulfilled.  Just a suggestion (because you said you can't dress differently, while at work, etc.)  Hang in there - I am so thrilled, and thankful, to have found the wonderful folks, here - I don't feel like a freak anymore!  Thanks, all!  JinJan.

>Welcome Jayjay. I just started posting a few days ago. The community by and large has made me feel very welcome. This has really helped me accept what i'm learning about myself.

Thanks!
(I'll have to look up text edit features, meanwhile, I hope everyone understands the old fashioned caret thingie.)


>I wonder how much the events in the news had an effect on me too. I was riveted to the story of the woman who was fighting for the right to compete for Miss USA even though she was born a male.

I think its a way of getting info about what is happening in the ether. For me, it was the Girl Scout story, but I also did follow the other one as well. Barbara Walters did what I thought was a very sympathetic interview.


>I'm sort of in the same spot. I can't see changing my appearance too much. It would interfere with my job (I'm a school teacher. It's hard enough to get my students to focus on their lessons without one more distraction), and I don't think I could pass for female no matter what, so I don't think I'd be treated more like a woman anyway. I'm toying with the idea of maybe wearing a piece of feminine jewelry so that curious people can ask about it and I can explain to them what being an androgyne is like.

I am a teacher as well. I couldn't pass as male, so there. :-)  I don't know if I actually consider myself any gender at all. Actually I've always been a bit confused when someone talks about feeling like a "woman". What does feeling like a woman feel like exactly? I am nto sure I feel like a man either. I think I read sort of "butch", but without any strength or muscles. :-) I am actually asexual so that doesn't work either.

It was funny but I have "come out" (sort of) to one friend of mine. She was very understanding and actually kind of interested I think. However, she said, she had been a tomboy and that she didn't think she had outgrown this. I feel this is a gender "role" issue, not really a gender ID issue. Though I don't know exactly. Time to end the post. :-)

>Please keep posting.

jay jay

Quote from: aleon515 on April 27, 2012, 06:47:47 PM

Thanks!
(I'll have to look up text edit features, meanwhile, I hope everyone understands the old fashioned caret thingie.)

You can click on the little "quote" square at the upper right part of the post

Quote from: aleon515 on April 27, 2012, 06:47:47 PM
I am a teacher as well. I couldn't pass as male, so there. :-)  I don't know if I actually consider myself any gender at all. Actually I've always been a bit confused when someone talks about feeling like a "woman". What does feeling like a woman feel like exactly?

For me, it means that when I'm around a group of women, I feel comfortable and part of a sisterhood (while they look at me and wonder what this strange guy is doing in their midst.) While I'm with a bunch of men, I think of them as strange and different from me. They can't figure out why I'm so standoffish. It also means that I often identify with and care more about the female characters in books and movies.

Of course it will be different for you. Everyone's experience is different. A lot of androgynes say what you do, that they don't feel like any gender or even that they feel like an unnamed third gender. However you experience it, realize you're among friends.

Quote from: JinJan on April 27, 2012, 03:44:26 PM
To Agfrommd - Someone here mentioned once, that they wear something feminine, underneath their regular clothes - and others, like me, enjoy dressing however I feel like dressing (usually male), while we are home, alone.  I wonder, if doing something like that, would help you to feel more fulfilled.  Just a suggestion (because you said you can't dress differently, while at work, etc.)  Hang in there - I am so thrilled, and thankful, to have found the wonderful folks, here - I don't feel like a freak anymore!  Thanks, all!  JinJan.

A nice suggestion. I hadn't thought of that, but it's very non-threatening.

Appearances aren't really that important to me (one of the aspects of my personality that is most definitely MALE :^)  What's more important is that other people have some frame of reference with which to understand  what might otherwise seem strange behavior.

Quote from: JinJan on April 16, 2012, 01:44:50 PM
Hi, all - My therapist counselled, that it would be very helpful to me, if I could find someone, who is going through a similar situation - i.e., trying to 'find myself', at a later stage of life (I am 52).

It's strange - sometimes, I think 'not too much, has to change, for me to be happy', but then, in the next moment, I will feel completely the opposite, and I panic!  Anyone, please?  Thank you!  JinJan.

JinJan  This is my first post on this forum as I think that I am in a similar space to you  I am only just getting my mind around just who I am at 54 yrs  I had wrestled with being a cross dresser for years and after I started hrt found immediate relief  Immediately the need to present as female was much reduced  However I still 'felt' quite clearly in my mind that I would eventually transition so had full ffs  Strangely as my breasts developed and fat redistributed I became uncomfortable at the pace of change so switched to low dose hrt   Had the benefit of being less anxious and more content without feeling I was accelerating into a new presentation that I was not sure I could or wanted to completely carry off 

It was then that I discovered this forum and this thread  From reading your and other member posts I am pretty sure that I am now MTA but perhaps it could be that I am just am scared and in fact a slow burn MTF with unusual inertia due to family and social surrounds.  I feel great that I have lasered off most of my body hair and have had many hours of facial electrolysis, am wearing more gender neutral clothing and more feminine colors   In some way being less speedy has made my wife more comfortable to the point where she says and I am about to test that more feminine clothing is ok with her   She has known for most of our 28 year marriage that I was feminine in private with her but completely and successfully masculine every where else  Its almost as though I learned to play the role and became very good at it but had denied myself a richer way of being and relating to myself and others  I have come out MTA to a few of my friends and they have been great so perhaps I have been making a mountain out of a mole hill

Quote from: helen2010 on June 03, 2012, 06:53:55 AM
Its almost as though I learned to play the role and became very good at it but had denied myself a richer way of being and relating to myself and others 

Welcome to the forest, Helen. I'm older also, didn't start facing my gender issues until 50.

I like the way you put that.  Every time I've acted male for the past five decades I feel like I've been playing a role. Or maybe three decades. My first two decades I was so clueless about gender, I didn't even know there was such a thing as acting male.

Thank you for welcoming me to the 'forest'!  It is such a relief to realise that I am not alone, weird or out of place.  Finding out that there was a biological reason for years of stress and dysphoria was an extremely welcome revelation but the impact of hrt was even more profound  The instant well being took my breath away  Thinking through and dealing with the resulting change and potential outcomes has become my next challenge and I am still working my way through this  Sometimes I cant see the forest for the trees but with time and help I seem to be progressing