but it's getting a heck of a lot harder to.

I just got off the phone with my dad telling him how I need to see a gender therapist.  He's not the type to not want to talk about things that bother me and me writes them off as "get over it".  I told him I REALLY need to see one or that my mental sanity will decline.    He says "it shouldn't." I said "but it will".  He said again, "but it shouldn't".  I also told him again, "but it WILL!"

He told me that being "like that" is a choice and that I was not born like that and to push however I see fit but it's on me. I told him it was a medical condition and he told me no it's just a mental one.  I'm thinking well if it's a mental one I STILL need help! He said "I know plenty of other people like that like (his girlfriend's) neice.  Shes like that and shes pregnant again.  A lot of people are like that at my job.  As a matter of fact I see one of them like that walking out of the store right now. 

I asked him, "You see a transgendered person walking out of the store right now?"  He told me "no but something like that.  That's the "uniform" they decided to wear.  "Do what you want to no one is going to help you pay for it.  Do you have $60 an hour because I sure don't."  I wish I COULD find therapy for that much an hour.


This man just like to take Tiny Tim's crutch and beat him aside the head with it.  Too bad that I'm Tiny Tim in this case. 

I KNEW he didn't approve when I first time him.  He never approved when I told him I liked women.  He tells me that I "claim" to be that way.  He doesn't even understand what being transgendered is and what's worse is that HE REFUSES to learn.

The sad and ironic part is that he is the "safest" physical person to talk to about my issues right now.

I feel even more isolated right now.  The obvious thing to do is to move but due to my current situation that won't be for a while.

I refuse to accept that there is no way out of this.  Slowly but surely I will eventually come out.  It feels like I am in a collapsed tunnel and I can only see a tiny bit of light but that's better than nothing. 

Quote from: casey on April 28, 2012, 05:51:36 PM
*hug* I'm sorry, Malachite. Do you think that, as much as it would suck, you could use your top surgery savings for a few therapy sessions? You'd have to know that they're not one who will dick you around for too many sessions but that information should be somewhat easy to find?

It's something I've thought about that (was even going to make a thread about it at one point) and sadly if I can find a therapist to work in my favor I may have to do that.  First I will try to tap in to financial aid money but as far as therapists I'm still looking into affordable ones online and around my states that will skype.


As a side note I just noticed that I italicized everything. >.>

-hug- looks like we all are having bad weekends. I remember when I told my mom that i was attracted to straight girls and she told me that was physically impossible and I was just repeating what I saw on tv...but we don't have cable or even local channels so i'm not sure how that one was possible...whatever.

I'm starting to think we need to buy an island and all move there so we don't have to deal with everyone's crap....christain my @#$

Quote from: JayKyle on April 28, 2012, 05:59:10 PM
-hug- looks like we all are having bad weekends. I remember when I told my mom that i was attracted to straight girls and she told me that was physically impossible and I was just repeating what I saw on tv...but we don't have cable or even local channels so i'm not sure how that one was possible...whatever.

I'm starting to think we need to buy an island and all move there so we don't have to deal with everyone's crap....christain my @#$

My thoughts exactly

Quote from: Malachite on April 28, 2012, 06:01:09 PM
My thoughts exactly

I'm starting to think the England or Ireland would be great post-op

Note to self: Hit lottery, buy island, invite friends! Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 28, 2012, 07:18:15 PM
Note to self: Hit lottery, buy island, invite friends! Hugs, Devlyn

yay!

You may as well use your top-surgery savings for therapy b/c it's not like that money will do you much good in getting surgery if you don't have a therapist's letter, amirite?

Trying to find an LGBT center is a very good idea.  They can often hook you up with therapy at a low cost.  Also when you go to college they usually have counseling staff on campus that you already pay for in your tuition cost.

@poptart I agree with you that evidence is the key and I've tried to give him evidence on top and he STILL refuses to listen to me and just writes it off and he rarely admits that he is wrong.  I could print off documented evidence and him still not care.

@jr there are no lbgt centers here in my area and I can get access

@Devlyn  I'm counting on you lol

@Malcolm I'm searching for them now and cannot find any LBGT center in my area.  I've tried to find a counselor at my college but that is proving to be hard as they only mention academic counseling but I'll look deeper into it.

@landon I can tape into my financial aid and regular money if needed but I can't be sessions liek 150 per hours weekly for 12 months or something of the sort because I don't have that kind of money but for something like online therapy I may do it.  There are no gender therapists in my area either.

Quote from: Malachite on April 28, 2012, 05:40:39 PMI refuse to accept that there is no way out of this.  Slowly but surely I will eventually come out.  It feels like I am in a collapsed tunnel and I can only see a tiny bit of light but that's better than nothing.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Just a lot of cyber bear hugs. I want you to know that reading this made my day. One can tell that you are strong, determined and that is totally awesome.

Quote from: Edge on April 28, 2012, 09:06:58 PM
I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Just a lot of cyber bear hugs. I want you to know that reading this made my day. One can tell that you are strong, determined and that is totally awesome.

Thank -hugs-

Quote from: -JR- on April 28, 2012, 09:11:48 PM


there is nothing in my local area either, maybe expand your search if you can. i searched my whole state for therapists that's how I found the lgbt center. I drive an hour and a half away for sessions. i called several local therapist offices before hand and they all said "we dont deal with those issues" so i had no choice but to drive for therapy. Personally i like driving though, i find it relaxing, so other than gas money ($15) it doesnt bother me i guess.

I don't have a car or a drivings license at the moment but I'm supposed to be working on that this summer.  There's one person in our state that is a gender therapist but they don't have a website which is kind of odd to me.  If it gets to the point where I have to drive to find one I may have to but if I go that route I'll have to put it off longer.

Okay, I'm multitasking and I only skimmed all this. My head got stuck on the phrase "just a mental one."

Really? My kid has just a mental condition, and what's going on with her is pretty serious.

And for the record I do not believe there is a difference between mental and physical conditions. We'll have physiological explanations for mental illness in time. We already kinda do.

It's the whole "if it's invisible it doesn't exist" mentality. Personally, I don't think much of people who have that.

If you told your dad it was just "regular" counseling, would that help? Then find someone who you are comfortable with, trustworthy, open minded, and who ideally has gender experience.

Or is he anti-therapy for any reason?

Quote from: MrTesto on April 28, 2012, 09:55:37 PM
If you told your dad it was just "regular" counseling, would that help? Then find someone who you are comfortable with, trustworthy, open minded, and who ideally has gender experience.

Or is he anti-therapy for any reason?

I'm not too sure to be honest but he's probably anti-therapy too.  He's just the type of person to be like "whatever".  If I told him regular counseling he would probably just snipe at that too.  He doesn't like to listen to my feelings regardless.

Quote from: -JR- on April 28, 2012, 09:11:48 PM


there is nothing in my local area either, maybe expand your search if you can. i searched my whole state for therapists that's how I found the lgbt center. I drive an hour and a half away for sessions. i called several local therapist offices before hand and they all said "we dont deal with those issues" so i had no choice but to drive for therapy. Personally i like driving though, i find it relaxing, so other than gas money ($15) it doesnt bother me i guess.

My therapist is right next door to where my mom works and the two business' are constantly bickering about parking issues

I want you to be okay Malachite. I remember one time my dad making fun of me for whining because I had a bladder infection. I got him to take me to the doctor and the doctor chewed him out. That anecdote doesn't help you, but I understand being expected to buck up and toe the line. It's frustrating.

Quote from: Felix on April 28, 2012, 11:01:22 PM
I want you to be okay Malachite. I remember one time my dad making fun of me for whining because I had a bladder infection. I got him to take me to the doctor and the doctor chewed him out. That anecdote doesn't help you, but I understand being expected to buck up and toe the line. It's frustrating.

Hopefully I'll be okay.  Sorry your dad did that to you..  My father is a pain to deal with 98 percent of the time because he thinks the world revolves around him.  There is no winning with that man.  If I say something he doesn't agree with he dismisses it as "crazy talk".