Well, it's been some time into my transition and I've noticed people I know and work with distancing themselves from me.  I guess for obvious reasons.   It's been going on for a while, just sucks.  Eye opening, but sucks.  Just wondering how everyone deals.  I get the impression I'm not alone on this

It happened to me, some would even have this look of disgust if they ran into me at the store or something. Its tough for a while, losing people when you could really use them around you the most.  But face it, they're generally replaceable with new people, people that will accept you for you and want to be around you. It may take a little time, but unless you hole up inside away from people, it'll happen.

Quote from: Jaime on May 02, 2012, 10:00:16 PM
they're generally replaceable with new people, people that will accept you for you and want to be around you

Agreed 100% Some people are idiots, but that doesn't mean they all are.

I lost all my friends from University while transitioning. Not just a few, or many or most. All of them. These days they avoid me as much as possible, even on social networks.

Anyway... life goes on, the world is big and it goes around. Find new friends, better friends, never look back again and that is that.

The thing to realise is that people will be who people will be and do what they will do. You can't control their actions and reactions. And to deny yourself, in order to try and keep them around, is an illusion. One which, ultimately, is shattered when something else, either done or said, comes around which illicits the same effect.

The only thing you can control is yourself. And if you live life true to yourself, being who you are, emerging from behind the mask to make your way in the world with no more lies... then you will attract people who value you. People you know that you don't have to hide from. That, in my opinion, is far more precious. One true friend who knows and loves you for the real you is worth more than a hundred acquaintances who don't.

thanks for the kind words and stories  you know you're all right. 
sephirah that was really sweet, thank you.
ugh yeah i usually block it out or make myself feel superior to them    planet of the apes, eh?

If you don't act any differently now, then you are just cutting out the dead wood.  They will be replaced in time by friends.

When I officially came out about myself May 16th 2011 I knew what I would expect. The first while people seemed to be all cool with my transition, some shocked, some curious to know about it. As time passed I noticed people started ignoring me. I figure that there are 2 reasons.

First - My personality and ways of acting to them was not right, I like to be quirky/silly and very opinionated and outspoken some don't care for that, and that's fine.

Second - The whole transition for A LOT of them was not something they could accept over time and they kinda distanced themselves. I noticed how fast people started to just do and say what they wanted about me and no matter what I did it was always brought back as being my fault.

Now a days I AVOID  all contact with MOST of my co workers and try to keep conversation with my boss limited cause she's no better then they are. I'm there to work, to make a living and to go home. If people can't accept you honey, then they're not worth the time of day !.

Always stay strong and know that your not the problem, it's simply their lack of acceptance that shines through. It's not pretty but at least you see the truth.

Best of luck to you !

Thx so much TorontoGirl, oz... 
I guess what's weird is that my transition kind of creeped up on me   So happy, I love it, but...
I have not officially come out at work.  I guess that might explain some of these behaviors.
I am seeing some of the things you're talking about too...some curious, some shocked...and some are really professional which is wonderful.  The only reason I am at work is to work, no bs period.
I don't really know how anyone really perceives me, really.  I am doing my best to present as male, which is a little tough but I don't think I'm bending things to a point...
The things everyone has been saying is kind of coming true.  The friend quality of those friends that still talk to me is way up there.  What hurts is how I was wrong about certain people, I don't know, people who I thought were my friends.  I hope that's not judgemental or wrong for me to say.
I am looking for a new job, so maybe a fresh start somewhere else would be better.  I just worry I'm going to be discriminated against but that is another story.

An apparent gender change is something difficult for others to understand, and if / because they don't understand, they might think you are perverted or something like that, especially if the transition is sort of like "all right, I'm going to now live as a woman, there's nothing wrong with that" without much explanation. So that's why people might stay away from you.

I would (and did) pull aside a few of those distancing themselves from me whose relationship I value; "people who I thought were my friends", and try to have a heart-to-heart talk with them:

"Would you have a little time to talk? I have been feeling a bit sad lately because I feel you seem to be avoiding me, even though we're friends. Is it because of my transition?"

And then ask them to tell me how they truly feel, stressing that I care about how they feel as well, and try to ameliorate those concerns.
Of course, it may not work at all (depending partly on them of course but also partly on your patience and skill in speaking and explaining!)...
But even if it does work, this will not result in an immediate "oh I understand now, I'm not scared of you any more" from them, and will take a few more conversations for them to gradually understand, and it can be a lot of work...

But for me, if a friend is important to me at heart, then it will be all worth it, because I like them and I don't want to lose them...
I can't do that with everyone, though, of course, but even keeping a few extra friends is a great thing!

*shrug* Just a different way of looking at it than just "if they can't accept me that's their problem"...

Well, since I lack any sort of real life at the moment, I can't say I have many friends who treat me like that -- thus far. I think some family try to distance themselves from me, or refer to me as male through male pronouns (etc) on purpose, but I hardly talk to them anyway so it's not a major concern. I do know the feeling, though, or at least a similar feeling. Most of my social interaction these days takes place on the internet, specifically in an MMO that I play. Sometimes, when I get to know another player a little better, I'll remove him or her from the dark and tell them a little about myself. Some of these people prefer to be in said darkness, concerning me, and tend to distance themselves after I tell them that I'm trans. It sucks? But, I mean, if they feel that way towards me... what business do I have wanting to be their friend anyway?

If you lose the people who cannot accept you, you have lost nothing and no one.
I came out to my people at work wearing bright nail polish, one of the woman asked me why did I wear bright nail polish. I told her and every other person in the area that I was TG and undergoing therapy for SRS. Next day every woman in the department came in wearing nail polish in support of me.

You lose some you win some.

I won heaps.

Keep positive

Hugs

Cindy

They are just proving the difference between friends and acquaintances.   Replace them with friends.   

Thx so much TorontoGirl, oz... 
I guess what's weird is that my transition kind of creeped up on me   So happy, I love it, but...
I have not officially come out at work.  I guess that might explain some of these behaviors.
I am seeing some of the things you're talking about too...some curious, some shocked...and some are really professional which is wonderful.  The only reason I am at work is to work, no bs period.
I don't really know how anyone really perceives me, really.  I am doing my best to present as male, which is a little tough but I don't think I'm bending things to a point...
The things everyone has been saying is kind of coming true.  The friend quality of those friends that still talk to me is way up there.  What hurts is how I was wrong about certain people, I don't know, people who I thought were my friends.  I hope that's not judgemental or wrong for me to say.
I am looking for a new job, so maybe a fresh start somewhere else would be better.  I just worry I'm going to be discriminated against but that is

To JadeRose- My thoughts would be just to simply have an idea of what your wanting to do transition wise first. I agree with you on just coming to work to simply do your job and no BS from anyone. For me when I tried to present as ' male ' it was hard too cause I had already started HRT and was already transitioning from a male wardrobe to a female one. It's great that you have people who will be there for you, those who your unsure about or don't wanna be around you I say just distance them from your life. If they wanna be there for you they'll show it. Honey don't get too upset, I had thoughts of certain people too and it ended up shocking me when it wasn't what I had hoped. Well seeing your looking for a fresh start then that'll be helpful for you. Anyways if you ever need someone to talk to hit me up :-).

Yeah I know what you mean, apple, and you're totally right. 
I think I have to keep reminding myself others don't share my perspective.  I figured since I was going about it gradually things would be smooth, until a point.  I think I'm really closing in on that point or maybe I already have.  I have such fear over everything right now.  I don't know if I can even pull someone aside...

I have no real life either, so I can relate, passage. 
No real friends, never really had any.  So oz, I think that's why losing even the acquaintances gets me so upset.

If only all our peers were like yours at work, Cindy.  You're so lucky.  I think a couple women already know about me, just from the smile they give me.  Too bad I work with mostly guys...who've given me the "you're a man" comment, which is just great.

Toronto, well, my plan has been to go all the way transition wise as far as I can remember, but I've really got to quell all of this fear I have and get out of this living nightmare. 
My wardrobe has been changing too, amongst some other things, so yeah.  I definitely understand ya there.
Will def. hit ya up when I'm finally able to PM people on here.  Your avatar looks like you're living the dream

Thank you all for your support. 

I've clearly gained friends; I don't think that I've lost any. All of my friendships are better, and ones that were mere 'acquaintances' are now becoming fast friends. People like me a lot more now.