Kinda seems to good to be true when I found 4 specialists in my county with that site, where all the other sites I went to showed the closest specialists 4-5 hours away.

I have been self conscious about my shoulders today. Not sure what makes them categorized as broad shoulders, but I am afraid my bone structure might be too masculine. But it is too early to tell, still losing weight fast. Up on the next notch on the belt I use for work

I went to town today to get in touch with some of my good friends, but I couldn't get a hold of any of them, maybe it is a good thing too because I do not think I would have been ready to tell them.

I am very shy, and have a tendency to over analyse everything. I thought that maybe I am trying to make my life better, I might try and come out to my friends as fast as comfortably possible.

There must be something in the water here because now that I am sure of my decision, I have been noticing a lot more taller women around town. VA VA VA VOOM. All I can say is W O W. If I can look half as good as them, then I would be a happy camper, but maybe that is because I am taller and find taller people more attractive.

I hear a lot of people say, "If she is taller than me, then it is a no go." But I would kill to have a woman taller than me. I am already a rare oddity to behold, and I really enjoy legs that go on for miles and miles.

But anywho, this isn't about them.

Went to my college to look at some classes for the summer, and I am getting less and less interested in the courses I need to stay on track for my physics degree.

I remember in high school, when everyone was looking for a college to go to, one really piqued my interest, but was too expensive. It is in Denver (Would make it easier for me to get a good therapist, I could transition at my comfort and come out to my family when needed, I would be in a city FILLED with weird people, so maybe some of the attention would go elsewhere until I was ready)

Any of you heard of RMCAD? (Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design)
I enjoy having help going to school, but somehow it feels like I would be taking advantage of my dad if I started the transition while I was staying with him.

If RMCAD wasn't so expensive, I would be there quicker than two shakes of a cows tail (as my grammy would have said it).

I am still not discouraged, and plan on talking to one of my friends tomorrow after I get off of work... Not sure what will come out of the conversation, but we will see.

If HRT was covered under a student health policy, that would make it even easier for me to try to go out and be independent at a college away from home.

Thank you all for listening to me again 

Hello ThatTallGirl,

Tall is awesome!  Tall models are sought after.  Airline hostesses need to be a certain height to be accepted.  And many athletic women who have done a lot of training have wide shoulders.  So it sounds like you will look like a very attractive lady :-)

You wondered why people are transgendered.  Have you seen this article in "New Scientist"?

Differences in the brain's white matter that clash with a person's genetic sex may hold the key to identifying transsexual people before puberty. Doctors could use this information to make a case for delaying puberty to improve the success of a sex change later.

Medics are keen to find concrete physical evidence to help those children who feel they are trapped in the body of the opposite sex. One key brain region involved is the BSTc, an area of grey matter. But the region is too small to scan in a living person so differences have only been picked up at post-mortem.

Antonio Guillamon's team at the National University of Distance Education in Madrid, Spain, think they have found a better way to spot a transsexual brain. In a study due to be published next month, the team ran MRI scans on the brains of 18 female-to-male transsexual people who'd had no treatment and compared them with those of 24 males and 19 females.

They found significant differences between male and female brains in four regions of white matter – and the female-to-male transsexual people had white matter in these regions that resembled a male brain (Journal of Psychiatric Research, DOI: 10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.05.006). "It's the first time it has been shown that the brains of female-to-male transsexual people are masculinised," Guillamon says.

In a separate study, the team used the same technique to compare white matter in 18 male-to-female transsexual people with that in 19 males and 19 females. Surprisingly, in each transsexual person's brain the structure of the white matter in the four regions was halfway between that of the males and females (Journal of Psychiatric Research, DOI: 10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.11.007). "Their brains are not completely masculinised and not completely feminised, but they still feel female," says Guillamon.

Guillamon isn't sure whether the four regions are at all associated with notions of gender, but Ivanka Savic-Berglund at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, thinks they might be. One of the four regions – the superior longitudinal fascicle – is particularly interesting, she says. "It connects the parietal lobe [involved in sensory processing] and frontal lobe [involved in planning movement] and may have implications in body perception."

A 2010 study of 121 transgender people found that 38 per cent realised they had gender variance by age 5. White matter differences could provide independent confirmation that such children might benefit from treatment to delay puberty.

A study by Sean Deoni's team at King's College London suggests it may soon be possible to look for these differences in such children. Deoni's team adapted an MRI scanner to be as quiet as possible so it could be used to monitor the development of white matter in sleeping infants. Using new image analysis software they could track when and where myelin – the neuron covering that makes white matter white – was laid down (Journal of Neuroscience, vol 31, p 784). Although the sample was too small to identify any gender differences in development, Deoni expects to see differences developing in the brain "by 2 or 3 years of age".

Guillamon thinks such scans may not help in all cases. "Research has shown that white matter matures during the first 20 to 30 years of life," he says. "People may experience early or late onset of transsexuality and we don't know what causes this difference."

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html

I would like to blaze this article across the skies of this world so that everyone could see it - and hopefully that may help to dispel some of the prejudice and misunderstanding.

All the best in your exciting journey as you transition back to the real you:-)

Hugs, Phoenix

Thank you, Phoenix <3, I needed that.

I was looking around too see what it would cost to go to school at RMCAD this Fall. I am shaking and dusted off my old art equipment, oh boy am I behind on my portfolio.

^^It doesn't cost much more than the school I was going to last Semester. I am literally shaking, and if my family is behind me and my dreams, then maybe I can convince them to let me take some student loans. My financial AID will cover about 2/3s the cost per term.

The price went down for admission since the last time I checked (3 years ago), and I am quite pleased!

Never really lived in a big city, so I am feeling a little scared that this would be a possibility. I am also a bit teary because this could be the answers to my prayers.

I love physics, I love science... But art was always my passion. Drawing, creating, sculpting, painting... all from scratch!
All the males in my family are in construction and woodwork. I guess this would be the female version of that part of that gene? hehe

If I can pull this off, get a new portfolio set up. Talk to an experienced therapist of 17 years in a town not 45 minutes away, or even over Skype! . Talk to my family, let them know who I am. Move to Denver and make my own way. Gather some debt whilst following my dreams.

Kind of having a hard time typing because I am so excited.

I wish I wouldn't over analyze everything and scare myself before stuff even happens.
These past couple of weeks (of knowing 100% I am Trans) have been a very drastic change for me, and it seems to be happening a little past, in my mind that is.

God knows how much more relieved it makes me feel that there is actually science that backs up the different chemical makeups in the brain. I am so relieved. NOT that it would have made any difference.

I plan on using pretty fragrances on my body, grow out my hair longer, work my ass off and lose weight (took a picture and saw my face :YUCK:), and if my dad asks why these things are happening, I will tell him the truth

I will not stop until my life is perfect!

From a glance at my photo, along with knowledge that I am about a foot shorter and much older than you, and one would think that we have little in common.  Yet, we actually have had, and have, more than a few quite similar circumstances in our lives.

Let me start with the fact that, although I'm only slightly over five feet six, I'm hardly the ideal type from a physical standpoint for a MtF transition either: a broad-shouldered wide body.  In your case, totally agreeing with Cindy, the situation definitely can be turned to an advantage  --especially at this point in time and place.  You could form a vision and let that guide you.

I too, had less (in my case, far less) than the best best parenting.  Not that I had the absolutely worst and truly horrific parenting.  I didn't.  Let's just say that when it came to nurturing, support, and at least a couple of other parenting requirements they were totally clueless, especially at probably the absolute most fundamental part of my childhood and life.  I think you have fared a great deal better than I did here.  I didn't need my mother to make me fear my step-father.  Your father sounds like a very decent sort.

Like you, I also, unfortunately found suicide to an acceptable choice at pretty much the same point in my life as in yours.  Of course it never EVER is.  I think when one comes to certain point in his/her maturity one realizes that suicide is the worst possible choice.  I think that you will get there much earlier than I did; it appears that you already have.    For me, it is noteworthy, even with your brothers life ending that way, that you feel that your parents care enough about you that threatening to do this would be a workable ploy.

I, too, have no desire to complete the transition at my current weight--or even the weight I was at when I started my hormone regiment.  Beware the fact that taking hormones makes the battle of the bulge more difficult for many (most?) of us.  I have FINALLY(!) reached the point where my weight is headed downward.  My advice: Eat several smaller meals rather than a couple of larger ones.  At least limit late night eating  Don't be afraid of weight training.  Count me among those that see nothing unfeminine about toned lean muscles.  You won't bulk up unless you have big muscle genes.

Finally, I shall say that I found your initial post for this thread very moving.  You come here seeking support; yet you inspire and motivate me.  I think that you are quite brave.  Although it likely will not be entirely easy for you I know you'll get there.  Continue to take care. 

I have been speaking with some of my closest friends all day, and I came out to them, and they all gladly stand by me, and that makes me very happy.

My family still does not know, but I have emailed a couple of therapists and set up an appointment for the near future. I hope to start the journey soon.

Patstar, I am trying to be very strong because even though I have not lived a long life, I want to show everyone, that even though the odds are stacked against me, I can over come anything.

Like I said before. I made it a point to come out to some of my most supportive friends and I was reluctant to do so. When I finally did come out, each and every one of the replied, "Any one that knows your story, and knows what you have been through, and they do not accept it, those are the people you do not want in your life."

One of my friends kinda knew, not because I acted feminine, but because of the way I treated her when she moved out here from Maryland. She told me that even though I was younger than her, and a male, I acted very 'fatherly' towards her.

This is all new for me, and it is going to get quite interesting in the near future if I cannot continue to run every day (sprained ankle, not my first one, elevated, iced, hopefully healed enough to run before I go to work tomorrow.)

I told me friends that I came out to (all female) and they are all happy to help me with anything I need, because they know that this is MY TURN to be happy, and it brings a tear to my eyes that my best friends are still this close to me.

I fear that my male best friends will not be as accepting. I know my family will accept me, but I wish to hear back from the therapist before I come out to them. This is all coming together so nicely. My only regret was not coming out sooner.

I always thought that I was going to do something when I was younger, then my brother died, and I put up an emotional wall and prevented myself of coming out for fear that I would be hurt even more than I was then. I kick myself every time I think of it because I knew I wanted to be a girl before then. It would have made the transition so much easier for me.

I love you all, and I hope I can continue this streak of acceptance from my friends. There are only a handful I care to keep, and the others I could not care less if they accepted me or not, because I am who I am.

I was talking to one of my best friends boyfriend today, and he has ALWAYS been an awesome friend. He actually guessed I was gay and treated me the same way he did before, and when I told him that I was actually transgendered, he gave me a hug and told me that I can do anything.

He also suggested, that since I love computers, that I get a degree in programming (it is what he does and he loves it, and we like the same stuff). He makes bank, and he told me that I could have fun at my job while I get enough for any surgeries I need. (I do NOT plan on getting breast augmentation, for it is not what I am doing this for. I also hear that if you actually wait several years before augmentation, it works better or something)

Anywho, I am happy right now, other than my ankle. 

Sprained ankle

R.I.C.E.

Rest
Ice
Compression
Elevation

Don't try to run on it! Off your feet for a few days.

I'm glad things are falling into place, and you have only been here for a few days That is what family is for.

Hugs
Cindy

Great to hear, sometimes things are nowhere near as bad as we fear they will be. 

I just saw this thread today, and i would like to touch on the adoption angle.

My wife and i had trouble starting a family about 20 years ago and we went to doctors and paid for several rounds of in-vitro, and got nothing. Seems as if *I* was a big part of the issue, and then 15 years later i found out that I am most likely a DES son (DES can cause some issues with male reproduction, and there also is some thought that it may be a factor in the ->-bleeped-<- of males too - hmmmmm.....).

So, we chose to adopt, and we adopted two beautiful daughters. One daughter is off at college now and the younger one is going in the fall.

They have brought great joy into our life, and when you are rocking one gently at 2am when the house is dark and quiet, or you are changing a dirty diaper, or you are taking them to school on the first day, or you are tending to a skinned knee - you find that the fact that they are adopted is irrelevant. You sit up and worry when they are out late, and you hurt when they fail to achieve something that they want, and you rejoice when they succeed at something - you are their parents, and there is no more important job in the world. I rarely even think about the fact that that they are adopted anymore.

My girls know that they are adopted (we told them about it as soon as they were able to understand) and it is no big deal to them either. They arrived in our family in a slightly different way, that's all. We had open adoptions and are still in touch with one set of birthparents - the other set of birthparents chose to move on and we've lost contact with them unfortunately.

Adoption is the path less traveled, but the journey is just as sweet.

I know that starting a family is just one of the issues that you are thinking about right now, and I am glad to read that you are starting to work through some of the issues that are confronting you. This is a tough journey that we are on.

I lost 3 inches in the first yr transitioning. I think it was due to getting testes removed at 3months HRT and not lifting anything but a cup of coffee (with two hands) propped up on a table so as not to exercise my muscles.. Yes atrophy can shrink you a lot.. it sure did me.. my corset cincher helped me to keep a smaller than usual waist and i only wore it at night time after i slept and had 3 hours to digest all foods. I then would awake around 3am and unloosen it and go back to sleep. I never wore it during the day time.. It sure changed my hip to waist ratio.. a cincher is a 4 button tiny corset with strings in rear to tighten slowly over time.. it fits between the hip bone and ribs.. nothing elaborate just strong and tiny with just 4 snaps.. anything wider will hrt your body and i used a pillow between corset and bed each night to fill in the space i made as a slept on my side.. 

hugs Danielle

I am currently at work right now, on my phone (a lot of downtime here    )
I appreciate all of your feedback, and although I have my heart set on a genetic son, I am not closed minded about adoption.

My ankle feels a lot better and should be back to running tomorrow

My co workers commented that I have been losing weight, and it feels good   

Just wondering, Danielle, where can I get a good corset waist cincher. It is too early right now to do anything, but I would like to know where I can get one for when I am at my desired weight. I have looked around trying to find one, but it seems the only ones I can find are the ones that just make you look slimmer.

Thank you 

Custom made waist cinchers and corsets can get to be very expensive.

A poster here has privately endorsed Enchanted Custom Corsets.

Do you want to do waist training, or are are you more interested in immediate esthetics?

Hey welcome to the site! I have an aunt whose 6'5" and was smokin' back in her day so i doubt your height will have anything to do with it. Just be confident in who you are and you can make all of those structural parts work for you. As for coming out, well just ask them on some political issues about how they view LGBTs and what they think about them and kind of get a feel for how they would react and just play it by ear from there. As for a gut issue, if recently heard about a flexbelt and was recommend it by a friend though i don't know if it will work or not...you could check that out. its some toning thing approved by the FDA for your abdominal region but i haven't tried it yet so i can't tell you if its just a gimic. Anyways, best of luck to you and welcome to Susans!

If it is just about temporarily holding back a gut, then the poster can try something like a Squeem.

Quote from: Jamie D on May 06, 2012, 04:32:17 PM
If it is just about temporarily holding back a gut, then the poster can try something like a Squeem.

No this is a mechanical device that gives you an abdominal workout by causing your muscles to do the contractions. i myself am a little hesitant but its FDA approved and my friend recommend it so when i scrap together enough cash i plan to get one and try it out just to see if it actually works.

Actually, I never thought in my life I would stick to anything like a diet or a workout regimen, but when I wake up in the morning, the only thing I want to do is eat a bowl of fruit and go running. I really really enjoy the exercise, and I really have had a lot more energy, and I have noticed that I have lost some weight, even from looking in the mirror, I see the changes happening right in front of me.

I am not looking for a temporary fix, I do not plan on stopping until I am happy and comfortable in my own skin. I am tired of looking at myself and feeling disgusted but not having the motivating to getting in shape.

It also feels good that just a couple weeks ago, I could barely run a quarter mile at a time. Now I am running a mile at a time before I stop to take a quick rest.

It is the first time in my life I actually look in our pantry, see all these fatty foods, and don't have a desire to eat them (That's right, I am off those evil BBQ Lays chips)

I am very interested in waist training once I start my transition. I want to show everyone (and myself) that I can be happy. I want to feel pretty, I want to be pampered, but I don't want to look like a man in the process.

I went to my Uncles house last night because my fathers step mom was visiting from Oklahoma, and when I got there my Aunt was flipping out because I lost so much weight (hasn't seen me in 3 weeks) and she immediately started to fill me a plate with all of these meats and potatoes. I didn't know what to do, I told her I was on a diet and don't think I could eat all of it, but she just told me that she was going to get the ice cream out so she could get some meat on my bones.

I am not skinny by any means, I am still over weight, but now I see why I was always over weight, why all of this food was getting crammed down my throat. I couldn't say anything because the whole family was there, I couldn't make a scene. I know if you do it right you can eat anything you want on a diet and make it work, but I just didn't feel like I should be eating everything she made me.

I should be talking to a therapist here within the next couple of days, and I am excited to start my journey.

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 04, 2012, 09:22:21 PM
Just wondering, Danielle, where can I get a good corset waist cincher. It is too early right now to do anything, but I would like to know where I can get one for when I am at my desired weight. I have looked around trying to find one, but it seems the only ones I can find are the ones that just make you look slimmer.

Thank you 

oh sorry i just found your question.. here is the type that worked for me http://www.absolutecorsets.com/underbust-corsets/leather/a-c310.htm

HERE IS ONE FOR 54.00

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Renaissance-Pirate-Corset-Cincher-Medieval-Gothic-Black-/140517773146


here is one listed for training which might be stronger at 64.00
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Goth-Top-Corset-PVC-Steel-Boned-Waist-Training-Cincher-/260768359829

@ThatTallGirl damn I'm sorry your family won't support your diet but they might just be afraid because of your brother. maybe they'll need you to sit down and explain to them that you are on a healthy diet to loose weight and not because you're depressed. at least you'll be able to discuss things with a therapist soon which will be good and most therapists are schooled in all manner of things so that'll be good. i'm excited for you too in starting your journey and if you ever need to talk, just drop a line!

best of luck, jayden

Thanks Jayden, I didn't look at it from that point of view.

My Aunt and Uncle are very loving, and it seems they were just worried about me being depressed.

On more than several occasions I have talked with my dad about needing some help. I told him I was depressed and told him that there were several times where I tried to kill myself because of the loss of my brother. His response every time is, "I am depressed to, no one wants to lose a child or a brother, or a hero for that matter. But the way I see it is instead of paying to have someone listen to you, you can talk to me or anyone else in the family, and we can get through this together."

There were times where my mother would find me a therapist because she would see how depressed I was, but none of them ever worked for me. I was open and went to the appointments, but they didn't seem at all interested in my problems or why I was there, they just tried to blame my depression on my brother, even when I didn't even mention him (heard it from my mother).

I know he means the best, and I know that it was the way he was brought up that he thinks people don't need to see therapists. He isn't closed minded, he would just rather not be the person who has to pay for it, and I understand that. I wouldn't want to pay for something I didn't believe in either.

Even as I was typing this, my dad walked in and told me not to let my aunt and uncle get to me, and that he is proud I am finally losing weight, and he wants to get me all the fruit I want. He now just got in his truck and went to town, this feels awesome.

Thank you all for understanding, and voicing your opinion