I'm just going to make a post here to thank my fraternity for being such a wonderful group of people. Last weekend, I engaged in some very reckless behavior.

I was moaning about being transgender and how bad it is to a bunch of strangers in front of my fraternity brothers, and I was not happy...

I almost got in a fist fight with a black dude at a pub in DC. He insulted one of my brothers, spilled his drink, and I was ready to take my brother's side. I had my knife drawn and I was pretty pissed and drunk. I was yelling at him "yeah you wanna fight? I'll make the first blow!" I was going to cut myself, and my brothers held me down, took away my knife and escorted me out of the pub.

When I was walking back, I didn't look at traffic, I almost prayed for a car to hit me. when a car stopped, i'd flip them off to dare them to run me over.

I almost got in a fight with one of my fraternity alumni for insulting my date as well, etc. I did a lot of crazy stuff last weekend that could have gotten me killed.

Today, they invited me out to lunch and talked to me. They told me whatever I had going on in my life, I don't have to bear it alone. I could just talk to them. I acted like I didn't care because I hate genuine emotion, but yeah, I really appreciate that they did that for me, and for accepting me for who I am.

Have you guys ever had any talks like that? Feel free to share.

Hi Keri,

I am amazed that your recklessness didn't have you end up as a fatality! Fortunately you have a chance to learn. Your frat members are really classy, caring & supportive, that you know you have friends to talk to. Sounds like a psychologist help would be useful for anger management, be careful with the spirits. Flashing any threatening weapon (maybe you need it for your own defense if in a bad area) can get you in a whole lot of trouble. I could never have a weapon (could lose control of it & someone can use it against you) and take the law into my own hands.

I have a great group of trans mtf friends always talking, learning, sharing info., helping and supportive. Two of my friends have nearly taken their life from depression in transition. I have made sure I talk to them, try to help them from my own brief time in depression (never suicidal though) in my late twenties. One doesn't go for help, the other recognizes the symptoms & checks herself in the hospital for psychological help.

Be careful.

Jamie

Unfortunately I don't get to talk with most of my friends in person. I have met only a handful of them in real life. But pretty much I keep a lot of my problems to myself. I let one person get very close to me and she ended up putting a proverbial knife in my back. She had an issue with my transition, yet she was someone who helped me find courage when I had lost hope.

Now, I pretty much keep it all to myself.

We have choices in life and we often never know them until after. The choices we have are mainly being true to ourselves. What does that mean? It is a comment that is thrown around and misinterpreted.

If you had hurt someone at that incident,what would it mean? Think. I don't give a damn about your self pity and explanation. Think.  That person may have been killed or maimed, certainly injured.  You would go through, 'due process' and receive some sort of punishment or retribution.

But what about the person you may have hurt/maimed/killed. Their girlfriend, their boyfriend,  their family, their  friends. The list goes on. What do they feel for your moment of stupidity?

Your stupidity is fostered on what? Being drunk? No answer. Being TG? No answer. Anger management? Complete infantile crap. Your decisions are yours. They are yours alone. Trying to explain stupid decisions by some sort of therapy is silly. YOU control you. YOU are responsible for you. No one else. No gods, no mystics, YOU.

At the beginning and end of the day most of us look into a mirror. What do you see? Are you proud? It is your choice to be proud of yourself, and you should be. If you aren't; change; so that YOU are proud of yourself.

I'm not sorry if my comments are harsh. This is a support site. You need support. I'm willing to help but YOU need to accept that YOU have a problem.

There are no magic cures.

Cindy James

First of all, thank G-d you're all right! You cheated death more times that night than the average person does in their entire lifetime!

Second, believe it or not, you're in a far better position than most transgender persons. Having a group of friends that stay with you after coming out, let alone after a night like that, is a blessing most of us transgender folk aren't afforded. I'm very lucky to have found a group of friends in a small niche of my midwestern city that love and support me; that took me over a year to find. Already having a group of friends that will stick with you like your frat brothers is not something to take lightly.

However, being an androgyne and dealing with not being accepted on a day to day basis I can defintely identify with the anger. You assume that you're not going to be accepted wherever you go, and that eats at you and you feel like either lashing out or wasting away in your room. But that's no excuse to lash out at a random person. That man you almost cut had nothing to do with the way society treats us. Moreover, there is a very real "crazy ->-bleeped-<-s with switchblades" stereotype (heck, there is an actual movie about that) and it doesn't do the rest of us any good for that stereotype to be supported. You need to deal with your emotions in a way that doesn't endanger yourself or others.

If you haven't already, make an appointment with your university's counseling center. Your life and the lives of others quite literally depends on it.   

Ticked Off ->-bleeped-<-s With Knives

Not exactly a seminal moment in film history.

Keri,

I would highly suggest that you make use of your schools mental health department. It also sounds like alcohol and you don't mix.

I'm impressed with your frat brothers. They seem very open minded.

Keep your head up.

Mich'