I just got something my girlfriend wrote up about how she felt when she first heard I was tg and androgyne. I am taking some of the chunks from that I posted on my site and will talk a little about a few of the feelings

QuoteThe first time Ken told me he liked to dress up sometimes as a woman, I was afraid. I thought of serial killers who were ->-bleeped-<-s that I had seen on cop shows, and forensic files.

My girlfriend watches a lot of crime tv and was a private detective for a few months.

QuoteI kept asking him questions to find out what type of person he was. I asked about his childhood, his relationship with his dad and mom, trying to figure out the reason for his feeling that way. I felt as though it was a psychological disorder, like gender identity disorder. I compared it even to anorexia, to me another psychological disorder. In particularly a disorder about controlling your body.

I think she is saying basically that she felt that it was very deep, and shocking in that even sorta like anorexia, in that to most anorexia dont make sense. And to most, they might not understand the need to change one's form or be more feminine. She also sorta felt it is learned and something in my childhood caused it, or created it. Maybe even the lack of relationship with my father or too close of relationship with my mother.

Quote"If someone could take those feelings away from you , would you?"

She says she asked this to know for herself that its not something beyond my control. In that when I said no, I was choosing to keep it in her mind.

QuoteI know of a case where a man who dressed up and wanted to be a woman, met this Christian woman, started going to church, accepted Jesus as his Savior, he still had these feelings of gender disorder and was something he had to work through.

I think she felt that religion, essentially christianity or jesus, could take that away, and fill it with masculinity or something. I dont believe in that, and I dont know if she believes that anymore. But that is how she felt.

Well thats a few snippets of what she wrote.

KK

I think the question about if you could, would you have these feelings taken away, is an interesting question. But the time you are willing to come out with this in the first place, it means you've accepted who you are. There may have been times in the past where you may have wanted to be 'normal'... but in the end, these feelings are part of who you are. To take them away makes you a different person. Saying you'd keep them, now you've worked to the point of self-acceptance, doesn't make it a choice, it makes you, I dunno, whole?

Sorry I'm rambling, I should be asleep

Good point, Jet. 

Sadly, a lot of us first "dressed" (as an adult) in secret, and didn't tell anyone about it until we were sure it wasn't just a "phase" we were going through.

K,

Thanks for sharing that with us.  I know I wonder what was going through their minds when I told my "trusted few".

Interesting that she thought you might be a serial killer.  (Was gonna make a joke, but it's really not funny.)  Guess TGs are now lumped in with religious zealots and the criminally insane as the bad guy on too many TV shows...what did they think TV stood for anyway?

I thought the comparison to anorexia was quite insightful.  The need to control every scrap of fat on their body that an anorexic feels is very similar to the need many of us have to look and act more feminine (if we are an "outie") or more masculine (if we are an "inny").   I feel at least partially qualified to state this as I had, what I later recogonized to be, a brush with anorexia myself in college.  Let's see, 5' 11", 135 pounds and long hair past my shoulders...maybe Laurie was trying to peek out, even way back then...hmmmm.

As far as the church "curing" you...anything is possible.  I do believe that miracles happen.  What would be more likely to take place in my world would be that Fear would drive me to lock away Laurie and act like everything was normal...and be incomplete and unhappy the rest of my days.  I think I'll skip that for right now, thank you.  Still, my heart yearns for true fellowship with other believers who hold no condemnation but rather love and support...maybe in the next world...sigh.

Again, thanks for sharing this letter.  You are truly blessed to be with a person like that...make sure she knows you feel the same way--then pick on her...you don't want her thinking she can get away with everything, do you?

........Laurie

Jesus can cure this for you.  But YOU have to want to change!

<grin>

Cindi

I've been praying to Jesus to fix my car, but no dice. 


-- Brede

I think I'm on the verge of having to tell my parents, though I don't want to. Last night I went for a long, long walk into town, and on the way stumbled across a church I never knew was there. All hollywood like I decided I'd go in and see if god would speak to an atheist.

The doors were locked. 

Are you still with her? Did she give this to you, or did you just find it? I can't really tell from what you wrote. Does she still think things like that, or does she understand?

Yes I am still with her. She is sitting right next to me as I type this telling me what to type. She wrote this as a way to explain her views and how she felt to other SOs mainly.

She says that this was her beliefs of me specifically. She knew I wasnt a transsexual , which she believed is something else. But in my case those things she said applied to my specific situation. In that I didnt hate my male genitals and masculine side, thats the theory she came up with.

Religiously she believes that a spirit is whole with both genders. She also says she believes God is spiritual being both male and female attributes, and created Adam both male and female, maybe like hermaphrodite. She believes when Eve was created from Adam that most of the feminine attributes and biology to make the female, though both retain a little of both.

She then says she believed that everyone had both male and female in everyone. And she knew that men could develop breast and even lactate milk, so she had heard. As well as women grow facial hair.

I am not christian, and dont believe in such beliefs. I dont believe in adam, even, nor the christian god. Thats her belief.

QuoteInteresting that she thought you might be a serial killer.

She just laughed when I read this to her, and asked what the joke you were going to say. She thinks your funny Laurie.

She still thinks I have a psychological disorder like anorexia, and that if I turned over my life to Jesus that I would heal.

I myself do not follow jesus , nor any other person, god or whatever, I dont see myself following him atm.

QuoteLast night I went for a long, long walk into town, and on the way stumbled across a church I never knew was there. All hollywood like I decided I'd go in and see if god would speak to an atheist.

She said to try on Sunday.

She also typed this

QuoteI was very torn about buying things for him because I felt like I was enabling him and being a hypocrit. Because I still did not approve or accept his views on this matter. But I was accepting of him.

She says she cringes whenever I buy something feminine, like makeup. And she did a bit also, when I just bought something the other day. Not that she thinks that it is bad for my soul. Only that the things that I still hide from others, makes her cringe in that she wonders if its good for me. Or whatever else I might be hiding from her. She doesnt buy me anything anymore.

QuoteAfter the initial shock of see him dressed up, it was hard to me to relate to him while he was dressed up on a romantic level. But it seems to me as though that was when he was at his most romantic.

She says she still feels this way. She says I have a female mode. But that she is not turned on by seeing a female form.

She also feels as though I spend a lot of time writing, and posting messages. She thinks it is a compulsion.

I like to write. I may not be great at grammar, spelling, or technical writing, but I get a little self satisfaction when I make things or put things together in a new or more simplified way.

QuoteShe also feels as though I spend a lot of time writing, and posting messages. She thinks it is a compulsion.

I like to write. I may not be great at grammar, spelling, or technical writing, but I get a little self satisfaction when I make things or put things together in a new or more simplified way.

I'd be sorry to see you stop writing and posting here. You bring up lots of topics that help us all. I think writing is a wonderful way to get a deeper understanding of ourselves. At least, that's how it is for me.

zythyra

oh I dont plan on stopping. Its just what she thinks. It would take a larger dagger blow to do that. Thanks for the nice recognition. I dont mind posting as long as people type back. I know your posts are always wise.

She hasnt given me an ultimatum or anything like that. So far its just a comment.

kk

I spent several years before really asking her deeper questions as to what she feels. I had heard some of it in arguments  or conversations.