Wanted to know your guys' input on this. Lately I been back to asking the why questions. Why me? Why did I have to go through this? So I was wondering what you guys thought and what your thinking was about having to be in this position today? Why do you think you were 'chosen'?

I've been trying to think what good will this situation set me up for in the future if any. I've been trying to think what I've done in the past to bring me where I am today. And I got nothing. It seems my whole life I've been fighting this and finally I've stopped and have been happy for once. But questions like these bring me back.

Life is what it is and it truly is unexpected.

It's just luck of the draw, the same with any birth defect, except they haven't actually found out what causes people to be born as transsexuals, at least not that I know of.

I had a short time period of the "why me" line of thought. I would say I'm agnostic, but I don't think god, the universe or whatever makes up what a single person's life is going to be like. So that whole "why me" thing gets turned on its side pretty quickly and you kind of realize that while some things may be out of your control (your body's birth gender, the way your mind works, how your natural hormone levels are, who your family is, etc.) getting depressed about it or beating yourself up over it doesn't do a whole lot to help. Maybe over time you end up just getting sick of being depressed about it and you're spurred to take action to make changes (mental, physical, physical with medical assistance, etc.) But I personally don't believe there's some higher power in control of my life or actions.

Also, for me I've kind of come to the conclusion that I was born "like this" because of my mom's physical health when I was growing in her uterus. She had a very high level of testosterone. It was fluke she even got pregnant because she hadn't even had a period in like 5 years. She ended up getting appendicitis and while extracting that the doctor noticed her ovaries were completed coated over in some form of hard stuff. He cut a wedge out of each of them and then 6 months later she was pregnant with me. I think it's highly possible that because I'm still a XX (as far as I know - couldn't round up any legit chromosome test medical records ever) but was bathed in testosterone as a fetus I turned out this way. Pure science really. No mystical reason for it at all.

My take on life in general though has changed a lot over the last 20 years. There was a time when I wanted to give up and thought life wasn't worth living but I'm glad someone saved me from myself back then! I also used to be a hell of a lot angrier with the world. But now life is all about experience and adventure to me. It's about taking the good with the bad ... enjoying everything ... loving and being loved ... giving yourself to others ... helping others .... being helped yourself. There's so many things to explore and beauty to behold even amongst the ugliness in the world. There's also so much about life, the universe and everything that we don't understand. Maybe someday we will. It's a striving for understanding and enlightenment... getting to some "higher state" that keeps a lot of people going. For me, I just want to live healthy and try to make the most of it.

I've had some theories but I still can't put my finger on it exactly.

My mother has four kids with two different fathers.  My two sisters have "Father A" while my biological brother and I were assigned to "Father B".  I've always joked around with my mom and told her that when she had children with "Father B" she got on the elevator and pressed and pressed down.  I say this because my two sisters are successful.  One is married with two kids to a construction overseer.  The other sister is the oldest and has her Master's degree in divinity and her Bachelors and minor in something else that I forgot.  She is the head of our church and takes part in other church communities.  My mom looks up to her the most.  They are both preachers as well. 

Now with father B you have my brother who is autistic.  He doesn't work and just lives off the government.  He maliciously uses his disabillity to manipulate the family.  He's lazy and has no goals in life.  Him and I literally hate each other and he has no goals or ambitions in his life.  Then you have me the transgendered mentally unstable person.  Both of us got "Father B"'s bad eye sight, crappy and metabolism and probably a ton of other things I don't know about.

It's not evidence within itself but I just find it so ironic.  It does make me wonder had my dad was Father A would I have been born this way.


I've also thought about the fact that I was supposed to be this way in order to help others with situations similar to mine but that can't be it.  It would be totally unfair to be born this way just so I can help others.

I must have pissed off the Gods or an ex in my past life or reincarnation went horrible wrong somehow.

I honestly don't know.  The best thing I can come up with i what Andy said.  Sometimes these things happen and I just got unlucky.  Stupid x chromosome.

Well I still have "why me?" moments. I mean I've asked my aunts if I even have any gay relatives and the answer is no. I am a big anomaly in my lineage. I wish being trans was as acceptable as having brown eyes. or being left-handed. I tried my damnedest to stay male, but I just could not take it anymore. of all the people in the world I sure feel like I was 'chosen' in some lottery in the afterlife. or God went "Eenie, Meanie, Myne, Mo.. I pick you!"

I dunno.  I don't feel as if I was "chosen" for this life.  It just happened.  I don't like it, but I feel as if I'm more open-minded and tolerant to different points of view and ways of life than I would be if I weren't born this way (haha unintentional Lady Gaga reference).

when I think of the "why me" stuff the 2 things who comes to my mind is.

1, that at least I seam to be able to help people and understand alot more. I know I done so cause some people have told me that the reason they became as they did was cause I could help and give them advise, advice I only been able to give cause I been in somehow same situation or worse.
---
the other thing I wonder about is much what my life would had been if it wasnt me?
I know my life would had been complitely diffrent.
I think I would be way more "normal" so to speak.
I would probably went to diffrent schools, have diffrent friends, diffrent interest, and so, it could be for the better or worse.

In a way I hate being trans, I hate the pain who is connected to the topic,
on the other hand I belive you need the sorrow to learn what happyness is and I am unsure if I ever would feel that happy for small things, like going out in the sun with a shirt, if it wasnt because I was trans.

Here's one theory :'P.



Seriously though, I never really ask myself. I learned from a young age not to do that when I was the only kid in my class without a father XP. Sometimes ->-bleeped-<- just happens, and all you can do is make the best of it.

Being transgender is something I've always been almost proud of....granted, I do have my horrible moments of "uuugh my life sucks because of this crap!", but to me being trans is simply a kick in the pants for me to get out there and help to educate people that nothing is black and white.  I'm almost glad I'm trans because if I weren't, I would be too much like everyone else haha

For me the fact that transgendered people are such a small percentage of the population is less of a "why me?" question and more of a "am I SURE?" question (to which the answer is yes).  I tend to take things more as life being what it is.  This is who I am and this is what I need to do in order to live the life that feels natural for me-- just like I have to go to college to work in the career that feels natural to me or any other life shaping step one must take.  I've always sort of marched to my own drummer and so the fact that it's not something most people think about and something some people are totally against doesn't really phase me.  I don't see it as as big a deal as the people around me do, and sometimes I wonder if that means I'm not realizing the enormity of the situation or if it just means I have my ->-bleeped-<- together.

I often think that I had had a string of male- or masculine-gendered past lives and decided to try being female for once just for the hell of it, but messed up somewhere. XD

On a more serious note, I think it might have something to do with my PCOS/high testosterone. I don't really know.

I don't think the ideal would be to match my gender assigned at birth, but rather to be happy with my body, whether surgically altered or otherwise, so I don't sweat it too much. I think it's wrong to assume that life would be better for everyone if everyone were cisgendered.

Quote from: Marion on May 12, 2012, 05:38:05 PM
I often think that I had had a string of male- or masculine-gendered past lives and decided to try being female for once just for the hell of it, but messed up somewhere. XD

I've toyed with that idea.

Anyway, I've never asked myself, "why me?"  I've always just accepted things as just the way I am and that it gives me an unique perspective on things.  I don't think I was "given" this or any such thing.  I just happened to be born like this.