I was wondering. What do you all do when you run into someone from "the past"? Someone you haven't seen in years and who only knows the old you and doesn't know about all the changes?

For me it depends on the situation, but usually I will quietly say to myself "Oh, hi <fill in the name>" but go about as if I don't know that person. The chances that such a person will recognize me are pretty slim because I transitioned 20 years ago, so there is very little risk. I usually just don't feel it is worth it to say hello and "oh, you used to know me as ...".

I run into people in the grocery store from time to time. Like today a saw a guy I used to go to school with. As it happens he is now on the town council so more or less known around the city (at least by name).

If I come to this situation, if I haven't known you in the past decade, then I don't know you. Especially people from school, if I didn't know you well then, what makes you think I care about you now?

Unless of course this is a very special person; you decide.

Quote from: Plain Jane on April 28, 2012, 03:47:47 PM
I was wondering. What do you all do when you run into someone from "the past"? Someone you haven't seen in years and who only knows the old you and doesn't know about all the changes?

For me it depends on the situation, but usually I will quietly say to myself "Oh, hi <fill in the name>" but go about as if I don't know that person. The chances that such a person will recognize me are pretty slim because I transitioned 20 years ago, so there is very little risk. I usually just don't feel it is worth it to say hello and "oh, you used to know me as ...".

I run into people in the grocery store from time to time. Like today a saw a guy I used to go to school with. As it happens he is now on the town council so more or less known around the city (at least by name).

I usually don't approach people I knew from the past. I can walk past them and they don't know who I am. No one from the past has bothered to get in touch with me in the last 12 or 13 years, so why should I bother with them?

Even without having transitioned yet I tend to want to avoid people I knew from school that I chose not to keep in contact with, because I did so for a reason. Since I worked at Wal-mart at the time there was the enviable comparing of lives. Also I remember only my close circle of friend's names. (Bad with names), while people always remember my name, which makes me feel like the worst scum on the planet. x3

I read a very interesting article from a woman who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was happily married and her family were totally supportive of her. It was/is a very severe form of breast cancer that has metastasised everywhere including her brain. She was given weeks to months and has managed to survive for about 10 months so far.

Most of her 'friends' deserted her. They could not deal with it, in so much they would not pick up a phone and talk. Rejection is their acceptance. I find this so shallow. We suffer this as well, and we are not alone by any means. The rejection of anything that doesn't fit into a little sphere is too much.

Why?

Because others are so fragile? When we face Hell we become strong, we are tested and we survive. And the shallow people just hope they can be shallow, and they receive their gift.

What did you do in your life? Nothing.
What unconditional love did you give to a stranger? None
What hatreds did you tackle? None
Who do you love? No one.

These are the ones to feel sorry for.

Funny thing like that happends to me years ago.
I was working for a certain time by a company and I discovered the company had a restaurant as well.
When I went in for lunchtime they introduced me to the manager of the restaurant as the new employee.
As an employee you only had to pay half the price so it was important for the manager to know the people who were working there.
We shake hands and i saw it was my formal neighbor in my old life for more than 10 years.
She didn't recognized me because she didn't make the link male/female.
She only said, you have a familiar face but I don't know how to link you to a situation from where I should know you.
I said that i didn't know either and told her my new name, there were no bells ringing by her and I leave it the way it was, after all, I was in stealth.
I worked there for 6 month's, every day she saw at lunchtime, me she said hi, how are you doing today?
She never get the clou about it, but at the end I was glad that I found another job and could leave the place.

I moved from a small town to the bigger town about 3 miles away almost 4 years ago and lots of the smallies shop in this town but I never see any flicker of recognition as I go about my shopping...

 People I run into don't recognize me, and I tend to be very glad that I can go unnoticed. I was a ghost around them even when I was being a guy... I have no reason to suddenly appear now that I have all the more ability to draw their enmity.

This August is going to be my 40th high school reunion back in the small town I grew up in, lots of familiar names on the list but I haven't seen 99% of them since graduation , from the looks of some of their pics time has not been to kind to a lot of them so it will be interesting to go and see who recognizes who, I would love to go in total girl mode for sure and would not hesitate at all if not for my elderly parents who have no clue about "me" yet, some of my classmates parents are still friends with mine....oh well, boy mode it will be...ugh, but there will be lots of hinting

I live 1000 miles from there and hate that small town but i still want to go, kinda of a personal hurdle to get over.

When i came out i had old friends drop me, but stalk me?? loving the chance to see me and laugh there heads off, also my facebook had multiple friend requests coming in, nosy nosy people.

I have bumped into 3 old friends 2 did not know me glad of that and the other followed me in his car for a few streets waved then drove off?

Now i have some ex friends who i wish not to bump into due to the fact i do believe they will really give me a beating,  have to face that at some point in time.

Funny you ask. This past Saturday I ran into my very first boyfriend. This was 9 years ago. And I even lost my virginity to him. It was a gay relationship because I was obviously a boy back then. I was so shocked to see him and we made a lot of eye contact but he had no idea who I was. I decided not to talk to him because I was with my current boyfriend. But it was definitely an interesting moment. It brought back a lot of memories.

I might introduce myself if the situation warranted it but I wouldn't introduce myself as a ghost from the past and I wouldn't relate to that person as a ghost from the past.  The truth is that person never knew me till now so no reason to create confusion, muddy up who I am or subject myself to more oppression, abuse or othering.

I have no reason to reassociate with anyone from the past.  I am only willing to do that with my parents and a couple of close family members (when I am feeling long-suffering and charitable).

I have seen people from "the past" and I usually just smile and keep walking, no not usually, always.

Talking to people from "the past" was always a bad experience for me and I learned my lesson from that and don't need to make the same mistakes again.  It is a big wonderful world with lots of people in it. Read a book once that talked about how a dog always returns to it's vomit.  I feel it applies to my situation and aids in my resolve to avoid people from the past.

Yes I did this just two days ago. I work in a shoe shop. A gentlemen comes upto the till to buy somthing.

Me: I know you
Him: Do you?
Me: Your name is Tristan Adrian Sly your 25 years old and you were born in Winchester...
Him: okay girl, You win. Can I get a clue on who you are?
Me: We were in the same tutor group at school I sat next to you in year 8.
Him: *Slow creeping realization.* ...oh yeah.

As I've not had FFS or anything usually what happens is someone looks at me and thinks "heh you know who that girl looks like?"

Pebbles, I like that story: person has no clue who you are, you give that person chapter and verse who they are, leaving them baffled. I have been tempted on occasion but never had quite the right opportunity to do that (for just a little fun).

I had this when I was convalescing at my mum's house. It's always at the back of my mind that I'll run into someone I know when I'm there, 'cause it's a small town, but although I've recognised faces, no one approached me to say hi, which I was relieved for.

Last time (a few weeks ago) I was there, I was out with Mum browsing in this charity shop, where I saw an old co-worker. I've seen her a few times and lied low, but this time she was chatting to Mum - and saying "Isn't that your daughter?"

My first thought was "Oh crap".

Eventually I joined the conversation and told this person that I was no longer mum's daughter. The penny dropped instantly, and she went straight into "Don't worry, you're not a pervert etc, you're just a human being" etc etc.. We had a long chat about this kind of stuff, with me feeling incredibly relieved and pleasantly surprised that this town isn't as small-minded as I feared

QuoteI was wondering. What do you all do when you run into someone from "the past"? Someone you haven't seen in years and who only knows the old you and doesn't know about all the changes?

What do I do?
It depends.  If ti's someone I never cared about anyway, then I treat them as I would any other stranger; smile....keep about my business.  Mostly what's on our radar are people who have a thing about lesbian couples (although friendly smiles from other lesbians are always welcome and returned).  The other people were ghosts before I transitioned if we didn't keep in touch, and now their just another fishie in the pond.
That's a question (stated w/o the 'after the changes') you could put on any non-trans forum.  The question is, what does any human being do?

Quote from: Cindy James on May 01, 2012, 06:43:07 AM

When we face Hell we become strong, we are tested and we survive. And the shallow people just hope they can be shallow, and they receive their gift.

I LOVE this, Cindy.  May I use it?

I've had a few instances of this..

I was at work& a former teacher came in. He kept looking at me& I asked him what I could help him find, thankful my voice was deeper than when I was his student. 

I had acted up a lot in his class in high school so felt embarrassed for my horrendous behavior more than anything. He gave me this weird look when it came time for me to ring him up but that could have just been because of anything.

Lately most of these instances have been like this, not really where someone asks - if they notice they just go with what everyone else is doing.

A woman from high school was stalking me, calling and leaving messages, leaving notes on my car, showing up at my house, sending me letters.  She was always like, "contact me if you want to get together."  I never did.  I never answered the phone or returned any of her messages but she didn't get the hint.  She kept showing up and showing up until she caught me in my back yard.

I talked to her for a bit.  Now keep in mind I graduated from high school a long time ago, like in the eighties.  And I had SRS over eight years ago.  This woman showed up, using my old name and making it obvious that I was nothing more to her than a really pathetic man who wants to be a woman.  She was there to offer me her help and to be a friend because freaks like me so obviously need a friend like her, someone who will put up with us, try not to laugh at us and then tell us how to do things like wipe ourselves after going to the bathroom.

I tried to be polite, I was long-suffering and patient, I exercised a lot of humility, I even gave her a hug about the time she was finally leaving.  But when she showed up again a month or two later (after I had continued to avoid contacting her) I gave her a piece of my mind and I sure as Hell hope she got the hint this time.  There is nothing nastier than having someone from the past come along and use the old name and treat you and talk down to you like you are nothing but a man who desperately wants to be a woman.

I hope that if there is a Hell that there is a special place for people like that but I have found that people like that tend to be the norm.  After you have been transitioned for a while and integrated.. a person might begin to appreciate what I am saying. 

There is nothing more invalidating, nothing leaves me feeling so "dirty" as someone from the past who thinks they know me when they never had a clue who I was and sure as Hell don't.

Can't quite say why but this story makes me feel very sad.

In fact I find it somewhat confusing to boot. But then... that's just me.

Axélle