First I wanted to say I am sorry in advance, this one is quite a toughy... Everybody in my family knows that Nikki is transgendered except my grandpa. They all say their ok with it but I haven't told my grandpa yet and for some reason I'm kind of afraid to. I'm not ashamed of Nikki being transgendered at all, infact I'm very proud and happy about it. I wasn't going to mention anything about it to my grandpa until she fully transitions. Is that wrong of me or should I just get up the nerve and tell him? I'm not sure how he'd take it as he is old fashioned and his health isn't up to par. Nikki did however find out the other day that my grandpa didn't know and I think she was a little shocked. I was told by a family member don't tell him... How am I supposed to handle this? Life keeps throwing hardballs at me and I'm to the point where  I feel stuck and not sure what to do...

I was going to have Shannon post this, but she was busy with something else and is a bit of a grammar nazi so she got stuck on the their instead of they're

We have a similar situation (or at least he is pretending it is).  In this case it is MY grandfather than I'm not actually "out" to.  Most of my family has kept him in the dark on purpose and expects me to as well.  Even Shannon thinks I should bother telling him.  Not so much because I'm hiding but the rest of my family thinks his health is too fragile.  Personally I don't care, but Shannon has a logical point about it too.  He can't hear worth a hoot and has communication problems after 5+ heart attacks and at least 2 strokes.  She thinks if I try to tell him we will just go round and round trying to explain it.

And to a certain extent he does actually know since I came out to him around 35 years ago.  He refused to "hear" it even then and made sure I didn't do anything.

I'm publicly out and been in my RLE since last fall, but still they keep him in the dark.  The way I look at it, is that it isn't worth the stress he will cause me in trying to make him understand.

Maybe Nikki will accept that some people just aren't worth the "fight" it will take to get any acknowledgment.

Have you asked Nikki if she wanted you to tell him? Cause I know I wouldn't.

I should clarify my post.  It isn't that I dress in drab and "pretend" to be a guy around him, but rather we do not see him anymore.  And it isn't really transition related at all.  Just starting to do my own thing instead of theirs caused them to shut me out.  For me to come out to him would be exceptionally stressful just because any visit to him is filled with blame and attempts to guilt and is stressful in and of itself.  I simple don't care if he knows or not (or more likely if he "pretends" to not know).

If you both will be interacting with him then obviously my path won't work at all.