Quote from: Jeneva on May 13, 2012, 07:59:45 PM
And is not denial a valid form of coping for some people?

And for a person using denial to cope, is it not expected that they will not acknowledge the problem?

Well, for some people I'm sure, but I just mean even if you get in denial about it, there has to be something that prompted being in denial. Like, I'm not in denial of really liking olympic curling. It's just something that doesn't affect me, ya know?

I dunno  it's not a big deal.

Quote from: pretty on May 13, 2012, 08:04:40 PM
Well, for some people I'm sure, but I just mean even if you get in denial about it, there has to be something that prompted being in denial.

The very definition of denial demands that you IGNORE what prompted it.

So it seems you are agreeing that denial is a valid coping technique yes?

If so then do you see how the below is hurtful to those that used denial?

Quote from: pretty on May 12, 2012, 05:11:35 PM
I think being in the wrong body is similarly obvious. Even if you don't have a name for it, you know what you have problems with and when. Because they're problems you could never just think your way out of or fool yourself out of having. At least, if you're on the feminine side of the spectrum.

Quote from: pretty on May 13, 2012, 07:48:12 PM
And now I feel bad, 'cause V M just posted there and now it's still going on and blah blah the thread is gonna get locked... maybe we just need one of those cat picture threads instead or something.

Reminder:

Quote from: Susan on July 27, 2006, 07:45:44 PM
2. Any attempts to stage protests, dispute the site policy, the TOS/rules, or actions of the staff; in the public areas of this site will not be tolerated and will result in your removal. If you have issues I suggest you contact Susan by email, or forum private message, and not bring your issues into the public spaces on this website. For the proper way to raise issues see term #20 below.

And a further reminder to all parties concerned: keep it civil.

You don't have to "know" you have a problem to cope with it, that's one of the interesting ways the human psyche works.
I didn't "know" I was trans, I was in denial.
The denial was a coping mechanism, a way to avoid knowing, a way to ignore it, a way to carry on.
As a part of denial, I did a lot of things. These things were also coping, and yet, I didn't "know". I had no "awareness".
I didn't even "know" as a child.
I knew something wasn't right, and I was angry about my puberty, and I had a lot of self loathing, but the why wasn't there, I didn't know that why, and during and after puberty I even took the whole "something wasn't right" and shoved that further down, into denial.

I didn't want to be a man, when I was 15.
I didn't think of myself as a man, when I was 15.
Because I was in denial.

I didn't even register that trans men existed, even if I had the chance to know more than once, because I was in denial.

Our minds are powerful things. If we're in the right frame of mind at the right time we can cause our very flesh to change. We can give ourselves bruises and burns really just from thought.
It's not unreasonable to think it easily possibly for the mind to be able to create a situation where we do not have any knowledge or understanding of us being trans, even for a number of years.
And to top it off, our memories are malleable. They aren't like pages in a book, they're changeable. Enough denial and we might wake up one day sure that we've never, ever, not even once felt "trans" before, because there's nothing in our memories that suggests we ever did, because we've changed our memories to fit the denial. It's also possible for the memories to change (again) once we've figured ourselves out. We can realize that we're trans, and suddenly remember all kinds of things about feeling this way our whole lives, even if we actually didn't, not as such.

This means that it isn't all that obvious and that the mind can easily make it impossible to realize at the time. If not only because we can't face being "one of those".

And yes. A man can be in denial over a missing leg. He can actually see the whole leg, just "non-functional". The mind can fill in all kinds of reasons why the leg doesn't support his weight. It's part of why the brain's such an incredibly fascinating organ.

Since we keep getting warnings about being civil, I will go ahead and point out that when I use a word or phrase in all caps it is NOT meant as shouting, but rather I am calling attention to the word/phrase much as I could do verbally by stressing it.  A sentence in all caps is meant as shouting though

If people are confused by this then I could instead use bold or italics instead for that meaning.  If any of the mods feel that would be a better choice then just let me know.

Quote from: Jeneva on May 13, 2012, 08:35:06 PM
Since we keep getting warnings about being civil, I will go ahead and point out that when I use a word or phrase in all caps it is NOT meant as shouting, but rather I am calling attention to the word/phrase much as I could do verbally by stressing it.  A sentence in all caps is meant as shouting though

If people are confused by this then I could instead use bold or italics instead for that meaning.  If any of the mods feel that would be a better choice then just let me know.

My titis hurt- in homage to the blog

Quote from: Connie Anne on May 13, 2012, 08:24:06 PM
Reminder:

And a further reminder to all parties concerned: keep it civil.

Connie.. I know you are trying to do your job here but the "I feel bad" part was not at all meant as a protest or disputing anything at all  .  I am confused at how it could be taken as that. It was like the opposite of that.

"Our minds are powerful things. If we're in the right frame of mind at the right time we can cause our very flesh to change. We can give ourselves bruises and burns really just from thought."

yea when ive had bad depression before , its been to the point where i have body aches so severe its a struggle to walk but with no apparantly physical cause

it would be good if we could harness some of that minds power over the body for positive change not destruction

Quote from: mementomori on May 13, 2012, 09:59:37 PM
it would be good if we could harness some of that minds power over the body for positive change not destruction

You can, it's called hypnotherapy.

Quote from: pretty on May 13, 2012, 09:49:34 PM
Connie.. I know you are trying to do your job here but the "I feel bad" part was not at all meant as a protest or disputing anything at all  .  I am confused at how it could be taken as that. It was like the opposite of that.

It was more the "and now it's still going on and blah blah the thread is gonna get locked" part that seemed very close to registering a protest. If that was not your intention, then I apologize for seeming heavy-handed.

As always, if anyone feels that my actions as a moderator go too far, please report me by contacting Forum Admin and Susan directly.