Not sure I understand... but I know what you're going through. When my doctor said I couldn't have a baby unless I got off of hormones for about half a year, I cried for like a week. Technically, I COULD do that... but I do NOT want to regress back to boy mode and it would be years before I'm ready to have a child anyway. Sooo... I just try to put it behind me. I try to identity myself as one of those infertile women. It sucks... but, it happens. And it happens to us. -hugs-