I'm lucky to have part-time work. With all the money I've been able to save, I'm just a little under $3,000 of the 5,900+ I'll need for top surgery with Dr. Garramone. I've been trying to get on testosterone, but no one will help me. I've dropped my therapist, because I felt led on by her, and things weren't really working out with her anymore.

I need top surgery badly. Binding is becoming dangerous and even more uncomfortable. I was going to try and apply to Jim Collins for a grant, but since my therapist wouldn't write a *supportive* letter for my surgery, I'm pretty much screwed. I've tried talking to my mum about my plans for surgery, since I intend on reserving a date as soon as I can afford it, but she brushes me off and says I'm thinking too far ahead. I don't have any other good things in life right now. I've cut myself off from my friends because of my depression and discomfort with the fact that they knew me before I started transition to treat my condition. All I do is work. I just... don't even know what to do aside from continue my work at this point.

I feel depressed and angry all the time. So very angry.

Some jerk totaled my car when I was on my way to work last week, and I almost lost it. I'm repressing so much frustration that I can't function beyond the simplest of tasks.

I left school and plan on finishing it in online courses because I've been harassed by teachers and students alike, and told that if I weren't so different, people would be nicer to me. I just can't take it anymore, I guess.

I dunno why I'm writing this, I guess I just need to let some stuff loose or whatever.

Quote from: Zerro on May 20, 2012, 12:14:50 PM
All I do is work. I just... don't even know what to do aside from continue my work at this point.

Sometimes just working, working, working is the best solution when everything around you seems to be spinning out of control. Especially for us because working leads to money which leads to surgery which can lead to a better situation. I'm sorta in a similar place and just plan on making as much money as possible as quickly as possible.

It's a good goal to have, and eventually hopefully things will come together around you and the stress will dissipate to the point you'll be able to look up from working and see things are a bit improved and you are close to having the money you need to get the surgery you need.

I'm sorry your teachers and peers were not nice to you, that's beyond not cool. Online classes are good though - don't give up.  I've never understood when people said "don't be different, and people will be nicer".  Seems to me that pretending to be something you are not is always read as inauthentic and will push people away AND make you unhappy.  You just need to find an environment that will accept you for you - people that don't are not worth your time in the first place.

What went down was that a girl followed me around the building and attempted to rip my pants off because she "couldn't figure out" if I was a dude or a chick. :/ I tried to report the incident and was told I brought it on myself. Online classes it is.

Quote from: Zerro on May 20, 2012, 03:25:02 PM
What went down was that a girl followed me around the building and attempted to rip my pants off because she "couldn't figure out" if I was a dude or a chick. :/ I tried to report the incident and was told I brought it on myself. Online classes it is.

That's straight up psycho behavior - who does something like that? Geez.  No wonder - there's no way you should have to deal with other people's crazyness in that way.  "Brought it on yourself"?  Really? I can't even fathom the number of levels and ways that is awful and completely inappropriate.

Did you try to talk to anyone else at your school, like someone above whoever told you that? This situation and the response screams inappropriate.

You just want to go to class, there's no way you should have to put up with something like that. Online classes are good to get you out of that environment. 

People in reality don't act like that towards other people - something like someone physically trying to rip off your pants is close enough to assault it could be  something that even the police could get involved in, dude. You don't have to take stuff like that.  If she grabbed you and tried to rip off your pants and you feel like you can't go back to school because of the response, is there no one else you can talk to at your school?

Quote from: Zerro on May 20, 2012, 03:25:02 PM
What went down was that a girl followed me around the building and attempted to rip my pants off because she "couldn't figure out" if I was a dude or a chick. :/ I tried to report the incident and was told I brought it on myself. Online classes it is.

This is definitely a gray area.  The college does have the authority to intervene but you also have the option to report this incident to your campus police who is a bigger fish than the Dean of Student Services.  The laws are very clear about what harassment is, what disturbing the peace is and what assault is.  If you know the individuals name, go to the campus police they have to take the report even if nothing comes of it.  At least though down the road that means this rude person will have that in their DOJ file.  It'll show up MID (mentioned in document) with a brief description, which could really bite them in the butt later if they want to move up in the world.

It's actually a high school setting, dunno if that changes things.

Who did you talk to at your school? Who you talk to makes a huge difference, I remember back when i was in high school we had a huge problem with harassment and hate crimes at my school. Every day I had people yelling at me and some of my friends that we were going to go to hell or something of that nature. They didn't really do anything until we had our property vandalized and our safety threaten just cause we were gay or trans. The biggest thing that made a difference for us is we got teachers on our side and wrote letters and told them we were going to take it up to the school board if they didn't at least attempt to stop the harassment or punish those who were doing it. Hope online school works out for you but they really shouldn't have said that it was your fault for being different. Its unprofessional and wrong. I am glad I am no longer in high school and things get better afterwords it at least did for me.

Zerro, just wanted to send some vibes your way...and I have a comment to make. Do you put your money in a bank account? If you are eighteen and your parents are still listed as co-accountholders (or whatever they're called), then put your money into an individual account right now so that they can't touch the money and prevent you from transitioning. If you are a minor--and if you are, don't say so in the thread--then move the money as soon as you are of age. (I don't know what other options minors have.)

I did this when I started my first real job because I didn't want my parents to have any control over my money. A couple of years after I moved out, I had a friend who didn't take this precaution. She was over eighteen and tried to move out, but her father froze her account. She didn't go anywhere. I lost touch with her soon after that, so I don't know what happened in the next few years. But if she had only had full control over her own money, she would have been free to live her own life.

I talked to two people, an administrator that WITNESSED the incident, and her boss when she refused to admit she saw anything. They both rebuffed me, ad they're pretty high on the ladder. I look and pass for male until I open my mouth, so I guess it was my fault for making noise that outed me as different.

Arch, I'm 18 and keep only a tiny amount of money in my bank account, which is co-held by my mother alone. The actual surgery fund is quickly cashed whenever I'm paid, and my mother doesn't know where/how I keep my funds organized. She'd never have the cajones or ability to stop me, but I also trust my mother's integrity. She's promised not to stand in my way all these years, and she hasn't. If my father were connected to my account, I'd switch it to individual right away. But I can't really afford to do that right now, seeing as my job is only part-time for the time being.

I basically don't keep anything over $15-30 in my checking or savings account, as I don't have many bills to pay just yet.

Quote from: Zerro on May 21, 2012, 07:25:06 AM
I talked to two people, an administrator that WITNESSED the incident, and her boss when she refused to admit she saw anything. They both rebuffed me, ad they're pretty high on the ladder. I look and pass for male until I open my mouth, so I guess it was my fault for making noise that outed me as different.

Arch, I'm 18

I had to think about this a bit more as I do not handle or deal with this area normally.  When that girl said she was going to pull your pants down in order to examine your genitalia it went from assault to sexual assault and since you are 18, you don't need your parents to get the ball in motion with the police.  You can go to the police (or sheriff if it's their jurisdiction) and have them take a report and they will ask you"if you want to press charges".  However, just because you would like to doesn't mean the DA will pursue the matter.  But if this girl is over 18, as I said before, her DOJ record could come back to haunt her later,  If the school will not protect you from sexual assault then they're liable.  Every student has a right to be safe, just because you're transgendered doesn't mean you're not entitled to the same protections and security as other students.  Today this girl wants to pull your pants down, what's next?  Tomorrow her friends and her pull you into a bathroom and what ...?  Your high school principal is a trout compared to the big salmon that the police are in this situation.  I hope everything turns out okay for you but if I was your parent, I'd be chewing someones ass off as this is not only unacceptable, it's down right unlawful.

I'm glad you left that crazy environment, but be sure to follow through with online school or adult high or community college or something. Don't let a bunch of idiots ruin your education.

Of course, if you feel up to it you have every right to fight them.