Hi all,
I wan to ask for your opinion and some guide.
Am I selfish when I'm not trying to "cure" my transsexualism?
My wife want to I come to  someone who "cure" me to be "normal heterosexual male without any deviancy" and calling me selfish because I'm not trying more. But I'm trying, I stop hormones, trying to look "normal", etc. but it is getting worse, when I was on hormones and part time, it was best time of my life, it finally makes sense.
Is here any other "cure" than transition ?

Pray away the gay or any other organization that claims a "cure" is false.  They do not cure, merely use aversion therapy.

For some reason, I think this would be something a lot less people are choosing between life or death over if there was some sort of cure for it out there like the common cold. I hope that doesn't come off as harsh, but I think this is a condition that may have to do with what type of brain begins to develop in your body at birth - therefore, this is something that cannot be cured because your body is truly the part of you that does not match the apparatus that dictates most of your system to perform the majority of its daily functions. So, hen others expect you to lie to them about who you are just so they could be happy, now that is truly selfish behavior on their part.
I have a feeling that a lot of people may not totally agree with me here, but that could have something to do with the fact that I'm half asleep.
xD

Hi Hon,

There is no cure for being TG. All we can do is to find ways to cope with it. For many people that means presenting as our gender ID. In my case I present as female, I have psychiatrists and endocrinologists to help me. That includes HRT and eventually, if I wish, surgery.  I present publicly as female and I'm treated publicly as female. I'm coming out at work as female and I dress in clothing which is essentially the same as woman of my age and position at work.

Unfortunately your wife has a strong desire to be with the 'man' she thought she has married. This is also very understandable, and she will be grieving the loss of her 'husband' and her change in her marriage.

I'm not saying any of this to upset you just an observation I have seen in other similar relationships.

We have to make the decision about how we can live with ourselves. In my case I have to live as my true gender.

My Love and Support to you and your wife.

Hugs

Cindy

It's actually selfish (but completely understanding) on your spouse's part. Trans is not curable, and anybody who tries to take your money trying to do this is a charlatan and fraud-- and there are quite a few who will try. Many people have become very damaged trying to change this way.

Trans might even occur during the embryonic period, and it is not a choice. You are whoever you were meant to be.

Sneaking over to the mtf side for a change...

--Jay Jay

Quote from: Medusa on May 25, 2012, 02:17:07 AM
Am I selfish when I'm not trying to "cure" my transsexualism?

Yes. And with transsexualism, that's the only way you can be. Because it is all about your self - the essence of who you are - and letting it out, so you can live your life free from doubt and actually concentrate more on other people without being eaten away by it. You have to be selfish, and think about what's best for you, because you have to be able to live with yourself every day.

Trying to be selfless with this leads to literally that. You become self-less. A hollow shell built of everyone else's wishes and wants. You lose your own identity in the process.

So, for the greater good of everyone else, including you, keep being selfish. In dealing with the issues we have to cope with, it's not a bad thing.

I don't mean to sound harsh but
how many years have you been fighting this for?
assuming it only gets harder how many more do you intend to?
Til the ends of the earth?
What will that get you?

The love of a capricious god who presumably infested you with this?
The love of a person who can't and moreover doesn't want to know know the pain your in?

She's asking you to move the moon for her.
It can't be done... nor dose it really have to be done, and until you stop choosing that path it won't ever stop hurting.

Transsexuality is a curse no matter what path you walk you will experience suffering...
But the path of transition offers you finite pain.
and the other is more of what you feel now until the day you die.

Only you can choose. But assess what is truly valuable to you.

After what I thought was a good 30 year run I can guarantee that there is no "cure". Diversions, distractions, denials can help keep your mind mostly off it. Hit one of life's pot-holes and guess what demon comes out of deep hibernation?

When I attended the Maryland State Senate hearings for SB212, the trans rights bill, there were several opposition speakers that claimed to be "cured". If carrying around all that hate, anger, and darkness comes with being cured, I'd rather choose what's behind Door #2, or 3, or 4, or 5.....

My diversions, distractions, denials led basically to a joyless, eventually passionless, life filled with "have-to's" and false expectations for myself and at times worse yet, false expectations for others. The bar was set at an impossible height by my own hand. I kept my humanity, empathy, and ability to love others and to some extent myself. If I had to give those up to be "cured" I just might as well do myself in rather than being one of the walking dead.

In the past two years I've been able to not only embrace my transsexualism but actually be empowered by it. Doing so does not equate to having to go full-time. My wife is not exactly thrilled although she knew from day one I was some sort of a T person and needed the occasional "day off". Her priorities are for my safety and happiness. Yes, in that order. This is the real world.

Am I now being selfish? She thinks not. Is she scared and worried about the future? Yes indeed, as am I.

The alternative of a "cured" life filled with the dark clouds of anger and hate filling both of our skies is not a viable alternative for us. I know, her and I are both being selfish 

The best thing I can do for my wife and family is stay away from counselors.

Any competent counselor would quickly declare me transsexual and open the gateway to transition.

There is no cure other than transition.  As long as I stay away from counseling I am always a year or so away from that letter recommending SRS.

I have had a counselor recommended to me, have driven to her office and have her phone number in my cell phone. The day I call or walk into that office is the day my fate is sealed.  I might as well book a hotel in San Mateo.

Denial is a very hard path to take, yet that is what I choose.

Randi   

Quote from: Medusa on May 25, 2012, 02:17:07 AM
Am I selfish when I'm not trying to "cure" my transsexualism?

It's not you that's selfish, it's the other people in your life who want you to be something other than what you are.

My wife also says that I am being selfish.  She is starting to come to terms with the fact that I am not the "man" she married.  She still does not like it, but has learned that I did not choose to be like this.  The only choice I am making is to stay alive.  For me, if I do not transition I will probably take my own life.  Even with her understanding that I must change, I do not think she will stay with me.  It makes her too uncomfortable, and she is too conservative to handle this.  I wish you the best of luck, and hope you choose the path that will make you the happiest.

Quote from: Randi on May 26, 2012, 03:40:56 PM
Any competent counselor would quickly declare me transsexual and open the gateway to transition.

There is no cure other than transition.  As long as I stay away from counseling I am always a year or so away from that letter recommending SRS.

Denial is a very hard path to take, yet that is what I choose.

Randi

Being transsexual does not mean an extended vacation in San Mateo, Montreal, or Bangkok. Nor does it even guarantee that letter. There are, I believe, 5 official categories with only one recommending surgery.

Denial is a very difficult path to take. Much more difficult than I was willing to undertake. My occasional escape from maleness every month or so in addition to seeing my fem clothes daily and not hidden away like some dirty secret was pretty much all I needed to get by with; provided there were no major upsets going on my life, which was usually the case.

Talking to a therapist would be a good thing to do. Sure, if you say "I'm trans, I want to start HRT and have surgery within a year" you will likely be handled differently than "Hi, I'm trans. I know I can't be fixed. I need some help brainstorming how I can get by. What I have going for me in my male life means more to me then what transitioning may bring."

I've been seeing mine for about 2 years now. He agrees that I am not simply a cross-dresser but truly a transsexual. He is also aware of my desire not to loose about all the things in my life that bring me some amount of joy. Transition comes at a cost that goes far beyond monetary. That cost still remains more than I am willing to pay.

Quote from: Medusa on May 25, 2012, 02:17:07 AM
Hi all,
I wan to ask for your opinion and some guide.
Am I selfish when I'm not trying to "cure" my transsexualism?
My wife want to I come to  someone who "cure" me to be "normal heterosexual male without any deviancy" and calling me selfish because I'm not trying more. But I'm trying, I stop hormones, trying to look "normal", etc. but it is getting worse, when I was on hormones and part time, it was best time of my life, it finally makes sense.
Is here any other "cure" than transition ?

Truly, only you can determine if you are being selfish.  Being selfish involves putting your own desires ahead of others without considering the feelings and desires of others - often to their detriment.  Your wife married you with a specific set of expectations and you aren't meeting those for better or for worse due to your condition.  At the same time, for her to avoid being selfish, she must also take into consideration your thoughts and feelings as well.

Ultimately, you have an incurable condition, but it doesn't mean it cannot be managed or controlled.  Each person has their own level of attention they must give to their condition - some transition, some dress, some have surgery, some live part-time, etc.  Only you can determine where you need to minimize the pain and it often comes through experimentation with different methods, but I promise as long as you bury it, it will only provoke you to more extreme actions.  Worst of all, burying it may make you resent your wife.  She doesn't deserve that, she didn't make you trans and she didn't ask to be in a relationship with a trans person.  Be honest with her, seek ways to help you cope and ask for her help in doing it.  She married you "for better or for worse," she needs to help if she can.  If the two of you can reach a compromise and she can become a partner in your treatment.  You have to realize though, that even if she is helpful at first, she will have her limits.  Love each other, but realize you may need to go further than she is willing to go.  She isn't wrong, cruel, selfish, etc if that happens.

Opinion mm  ok .
If the can make a river flow upward OK then the can cure you !
We hate change thats why we are system slaves for thousands of years.
Nature loves variation ! the highly praised individual.

QuoteMy wife want to I come to  someone who "cure" me

mmm   OK  i shoot you !  cured
Why she want it ? Can be many reasons
: 1e Very anti gay  2e  scare for the money  3e what the family will say  or jealous that you are more beauty full then her

PS. My wife wanted me to go to the bank and get a billion   

I have spent my life trying to cure it, but to no avail... If I pay attention to it, it gets stronger by the day, if I ignore it, it goes away for a tiny bit and comes back even stronger, especially in my nightly dreams...

I don't think there is a cure... :-(

Only one thing is more selfish than telling a person who thinks it can be "cured" to go to hades, and that is killing youself.

Quote from: Andy8715 on May 25, 2012, 02:39:52 AM
Pray away the gay or any other organization that claims a "cure" is false.  They do not cure, merely use aversion therapy.

You should know that there are plenty of groups out there which are quite willing to take your money and "pray away the gay". There is zero evidence that these work in any way at all. They do use aversion and various other unproven methods. They are dangerous in that there are suicides due to the fact that they add a good measure of guilt to the whole things if things don't go their way. People who claim to be cured often come out later with horrific stories.

You aren't selfish. I can understand why your spouse might feel this way, it isn't surprising actually. More surprising is when everyone can get along afterwards, I suppose.

This is a pretty intense article and actually on homosexuality, not transgender. But the concept is totally the same "My So-Called Ex-Gay Life".
http://prospect.org/article/my-so-called-ex-gay-life

--Jay Jay