Okay, what is your experience as you've transitioned at work?

What signs let you know that things are okay with this person/your work section/other work sections/the boss/clients, etc?  What says to you that you are accepted, and you can relax and be your professional self?

And what signs let you know that the opposite is true, and any of the above groupings are having -- problems -- with your being an out transgendered in their midst.

I'd definitely say that when someone greets me with a jaunty, "G'mornin', Karen!"  it's going well with respect to that person.

And when I get the forced-friendly greeting from someone, I need to remove myself from their presence if business doesn't require me to be there.

Anybody else notice 'tells', either good or bad?

Karen

Hum.. At least you get the forced greeting.  there is one guy at work, well he was not that friendy before I came out.  Now well, He only talks to me when he has too.  Everyone else is pretty cool, though I've only been out for a week completely at work.  Though I was dressing as me for 3 weeks ;-).

I can tell when a client is cool with me or when he or she is thinking, what the heck do we have here.  Most  are pretty cool all in all.  Other then the one guy everyone else treats me the same as before I came out.  Can't complain at all though

Beni.

When everybody shows compassion and respects you for what you are even if they cannot understand it.

B

Casual "Hi Kate!" greeting are of course great signs.

Good Signs I think especially include when coworkers STILL come back just for small talk, just to hang out for a few minutes to talk about family, hobbies, whatever. No reason other than to socialize for a minute.

Another Good Sign is when someone peeks in just to ask, "Are you doing OK with everything?"

Getting "Hey, that's a cute top!" type compliments is nice too

I guess basically whenever someone validates me when they don't HAVE to... is a great sign.

~Kate~

I'm wondering if it is beyond propriety for me to answer here, given that I am still functioning in 'male mode' at present and that transition 'in situ' would be career suicide, but I will proffer observations from my perspective, for whatever it is worth.

I have changed vastly, both physically and psychologically secondary to HRT and the act of transition itself. I make no attempt to disguise my figure nor the ample breast development and I have been dressing 'en femme' for roughly six months now, albeit not unmistakably feminine - but feminine nonetheless and I wear perfume on the job.

I have been the recipient of a 'stand-offish' attitude on the part of only a few and have never experienced overt hostility from anyone.

If anything, the guys are even more friendly and respectful to me than ever before.

There are several reasons for this climate:

--I am heavily depended upon and well respected, as a technician.

--I have a bit of a reputation for having a 'fiery' and assertive personality.

--I do not try to project this, but intellectual intimidation is a definite factor.

--I work hard and I try to help whenever I can and the guys appreciate this.

--I am much happier nominally, than I was when I first hired in, preceding the onset of my transition.

These have all served as 'defenses' against verbal or attitudinal 'attack', notwithstanding the vast changes toward the feminine that they have observed and continue to observe. In this, I have been very much blessed.

I project a strong and confident image but deep down, they do not see the well hidden, very vulnerable little girl who comprises much of the core being. 

Defenses have their drawbacks.

I know everything is okay so far.  So far, there is only one, of about a dozen people I work closely with that keeps a little more distance.  With everyone else, everything is cool.  They know, and everything is cool.  They know, but I dress in mostly men's clothes, so it's okay.  They know, because I've changed in the last two or more years, and they have all known me for five.  Yeah, Karen.....everything is cool, except that I have yet to 'officially' come out at work.

I think if I 'officially' came out at work, everything would go out the proverbial window.  This 'don't ask, don't tell' position I've put myself in keeps me 'safe'. 

I have to say though, I have some very close friends at work, and they would defend and support me fully.  But, I've chosen the easier route......that of not taking a chance.

I admire your courage, Karen.  I really do.



Bev

I would say that if you get laid off... that's not a good sign! 

I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist.

The truth is Karen, you may never know. There are people who will be perfectly civil to you for the rest of your career yet not be able to deal with this issue. They are nice because they "have" to be.

But there will be close associates you work with where you will know with certainty if they are accepting or not. Those who will accept you can become valuable friends.  It is very worthwhile to cultivate those friendships.

One of the problems that we have in our journey is our failure to develop social skills.  We have a problem making real friends (even if we think we have, we generally have not due to the secret we have held in).  During transition some of us discover that person inside that needs to be heard, be seen, and loved as a friend.  That's where you'll find something very worthwhile.... the great treasure of friendship.

Cindi

Those who hate me and wish for me to die (the majority are whatever god they worship fearing, right wingers) do not call when they need something take care of, they allow doors to close in my face (even when I am carrying equipment), when they see me they turn around and go the other way or hug up against the wall, and I rarely get any greeting and they will go so far to show how childish they are by welcoming everyone by name and not include me on the list.  Yes, work is nothing more than a playground for this immature pieces of crap. One middle manager still refers to me in the old gender and sometimes name.

I did not change my work days or my work habits. Coworkers commented that they were surprised to see me running about as I normally did prior to going FT, on my first day back to work.

For the most part it is a non-event now and there has been a lot of acceptance, tolerance, and support.