Hey everyone.  Gah, where to start.  I have no idea, because honestly I'm not exactly sure what is going on in my head or who I am.  I DO know that I feel as if my body and soul are not connected, that my "aura" is a bit fuzzy.  You know how the picture on a tv can get offset a bit and you get a "ghost" image?  That is what I feel like 98% of the time.  Not sure if I am explaining it properly.

I have never felt comfortable in my female body, hate my boobs wish i could chop them off and that my hips would go with 'em.  Dresses, pink, motherhood... society says that is what my sex is supposed to embrace.  I can't identify with that in the least bit.

Anyway, i have been searching the last two weeks for an online community of people who have had similar experiences in their lives.  I have never felt that I belong, anywhere...  my therapist I just recently told (after two years of going) of my gender issues.  And now, all of a sudden I realize I can't bury this anymore, that try as I might it won't go away.

Sorry if that was disjointed, my brain seems to be jumping around a lot these days.  I look forward to getting to know everyone better.  Thanks for welcoming me.

Welcome HT!  Many of us know EXACTLY what you feel. We are going through or have gone through all of it.  Know that you are not alone.

Cindi

oh yeah, I'm not crazy??  You have no idea how much that means to me.

Heh, you should see my before and after pictures. My after is my icon. My before is, born female, tried my damndest to live up to it, even as a lesbian, and I still couldn't because it wasn't me.

You're not crazy, you're just different. And there ain't nothin to be ashamed about for different.

Once I let go of that, I became the happiest dude on earth because not many other guys can even imagine just being grateful to be a guy. Even if transition is not your thing, finding  yourself is the important part.

Dennis

Welcom to Susan's HT!!!

Your welcome to ask any questions and join the fun HT but I would say learn the rules of the site and have a good look around and get fermillier with it. There is plenty of good information for you to use so sit back and relax. Were all friends here

Lucy

Hi, i'll trade you bodies in a heartbeat. Welcome
Donna

thanks for the welcome

I have a quick question and I didn't see the answer anywhere, although i'm sure i could have looked closer.

I often call everyone I know "dude" and say "guys" for a group of people.  Wanted to know if that was inappropriate here or what, i don't want to offend anyone.

Good question. I'll leave it for the women. It doesn't bother me of course

Dennis

Quote from: ht on April 26, 2007, 06:55:44 PM
I often call everyone I know "dude" and say "guys" for a group of people.  Wanted to know if that was inappropriate here or what, i don't want to offend anyone.

Personally, I don't mind hearing "you guys," as it's just a genderless expression to me. "Dude" I don't much care for though... not sure why. I get that it's meant generically though - I have a guy at work who calls *everyone* "Dude!" Still, I cringe when I hear it.

I can only speak for me though, I dunno about everyone else? I appreciate your asking though!

~Kate~

Hiya, ht, welcome!

Happy to make your acquaintance!

Quote from: ht on April 26, 2007, 12:50:13 AM
... And now, all of a sudden I realize I can't bury this anymore, that try as I might it won't go away.

hehe - Welcome to the club.  I hope you'll find what you need here the way I did.  I'll look forward to reading more from you in the future.

again, WELCOME ! !
helen

thanks


uh, i'm a bit lost around the boards right now.  Not sure where to start, but I'll get there.

Hi ht!
Just wanted to add my welcome to all the rest.
Do take your time exploring the site because there is so much here.
And do share I is a good way to clear your head.

Jillieann

Hey everyone.  Gah, where to start.  I have no idea, because honestly I'm not exactly sure what is going on in my head or who I am.  I DO know that I feel as if my body and soul are not connected, that my "aura" is a bit fuzzy.  You know how the picture on a tv can get offset a bit and you get a "ghost" image?  That is what I feel like 98% of the time.  Not sure if I am explaining it properly.

You do not need to.

The empathy that you will find here renders verbal expression and interpretation wholly unnecessary.

We know..   

I have never felt comfortable in my female body, hate my boobs wish i could chop them off and that my hips would go with 'em.  Dresses, pink, motherhood... society says that is what my sex is supposed to embrace.  I can't identify with that in the least bit.

'Society' functions upon simple stereotypes and rigid categorization [sparing it from actually thinking and making intelligent, prudent, fair and loving assessments and judgments..

Therefore, it could be stated with a certain degree of accuracy that, "'Society' is full of it."

The fault lies with 'Society' and not you. 

Anyway, i have been searching the last two weeks for an online community of people who have had similar experiences in their lives.  I have never felt that I belong, anywhere...  my therapist I just recently told (after two years of going) of my gender issues.  And now, all of a sudden I realize I can't bury this anymore, that try as I might it won't go away.

Don't 'bury' it, honey. 

Some of us have paid a very heavy price for having [with futility] made the attempt.

Sorry if that was disjointed, my brain seems to be jumping around a lot these days.  I look forward to getting to know everyone better.  Thanks for welcoming me.

No need. 

There was no misunderstanding exactly what you said and expressed.

Welcome.   

thanks jillieann, rhonda

yep, society sucks.  I always thought I didn't care about society, that I liked being different.  But it is so hard, when everyone around you has NO clue what is going on inside your head and make assumptions based on those categories/stereotypes.  Hence why I used to want to be a hermit, and have severe social anxiety.  I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me.  I just need to build of the confidence to be who i am.  I think I may be able to do that here.

Your welcome means the world to me.

Quote from: ht on April 28, 2007, 11:28:16 AM
I always thought I didn't care about society, that I liked being different.  But it is so hard, when everyone around you has NO clue what is going on inside your head and make assumptions based on those categories/stereotypes.  Hence why I used to want to be a hermit, and have severe social anxiety.  I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me.

Welcome ht,

I am reading my own thoughts of the past here. The experience of social anxiety and, for me, depression came along with it. I think you will find a supportive and understanding community here. There is also tons of info on the wiki. I know my confidence in who I am has grown since coming out to some of my family and friends. Joining Susan's has helped a great deal too. Welcome again!

Hugs,

Rhonda