Ok so at work NO ONE, NO ONE knows that I am trans. They do however know I am gay.  I really like that I can go to work and know that I will just be treated male and nothing else.

However, I had joined a dating site after my boyfriend dumped me, because I dont know many people, and its even harder to find potential partners when you are gay and trans.

So, being honest I said I was trans on my profile, dumb, I know, dont reprimand me. 

Well I looked on my page and saw I had a visitor recently and clicked his page.  AND IT IS A GUY I WORK WITH.  He is gay (i knew it)

So, I proceeded to freak out. (I feel a bit better now, but still freaked out.  I am NOT worried about getting fired because where I work its very diverse and I would sue probably)

I am worried that it may get out, maybe he will tell someone/everyone, and people wont treat me the same, or think less of me.

so I sent him a message, basically explaining that I really only tell close friends or partners and I never ever thought someone at work would find my page and asking him not to tell anyone, and that I wouldn't tell anyone at work that he is gay if he is in the closet.  still waiting for a message back, he seems like a pretty quiet guy and I am hoping that him being gay would make him more understanding.

There is nothing really private on the Internet.  It is like wearing a sign around your neck.

Wow - that sucks, what are the odds?  Hopefully he's the understanding kind and will keep quiet.  It's a Catch-22 with being upfront about being trans - on the one hand, if you don't tell people right off the bat, they can get ->-bleeped-<-ty.  On the other, there's the potential damage to your stealth status.  Let us know what happens, mate.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on May 29, 2012, 01:51:34 AM
Wow - that sucks, what are the odds?  Hopefully he's the understanding kind and will keep quiet.  It's a Catch-22 with being upfront about being trans - on the one hand, if you don't tell people right off the bat, they can get ->-bleeped-<-ty.  On the other, there's the potential damage to your stealth status.  Let us know what happens, mate.

well if he is in the closet, I think i have more of a chance.  He outs me, I out him. (not that I would want to do this, but he might think i would)

also I was thinking.. I mean, I messaged him telling him that I like to keep it private, and not to tell anyone, what is he going to do respond with "oh, hmm you don't want me to tell anyone, i think i am gonna tell EVERYONE" only a super ->-bleeped-<-ty person would do that.  and he seems quiet and doesn't seem to be too close with people from work so I dont think i need to worry about him being tempted to gossip.

and yeah exactly, you dont tell someone right away, and they say you are sneaky and deceitful. but if you dont have it on your profile you have to deal with all of the embarrassing harassment or denial when you do tell someone who was interested until they found out.  i wanted to be honest on my profile so i could weed out people better and only get messages from people who want me for me.

I wish I could fully sympathize here, but posting that you're trans on a dating site that discloses your identity to local people is not exactly the best way to remain stealth. Nonetheless, best of luck though.

If your workplace is diverse, then don't sweat it. They know you are gay and don't care then chances are they won't say anything about being trans. Also, there is no way of him saying anything without also outing himself. They would ask him how he found out and he'd have to say "Oh well...Um...Keep in mind I'm totally straight but...I saw him on a gay dating website I was searching just for fun..."

hey, so he messaged me back and we talked and he said "don't worry I won't tell anyone about you" so I feel a bit better.

Quote from: Elijah on May 29, 2012, 04:03:40 PM
hey, so he messaged me back and we talked and he said "don't worry I won't tell anyone about you" so I feel a bit better.

Good!  Hopefully he'll keep his word.  In the meantime, I'd delete that bit of info from your profile.  Just a suggestion

Quote from: Adio on May 29, 2012, 06:14:07 PM
Good!  Hopefully he'll keep his word.  In the meantime, I'd delete that bit of info from your profile.  Just a suggestion

I agree. If someone messages you and genuinely interested in you, then you can chat with them for a bit, possibly get a feel for how (or how they may not) react, and tell them when you're ready. Everyone can see your profile on there, so you're taking a huge risk if you wish to remain mostly stealth, especially if you're looking to meet people in your area.

yep I already took that info off my profile, and I will only tell people if they seem interested