Does anyone else worry that when they get surgery they will regret it?
I don't think I'll actually miss my boobs so I don't know why I'm worried.

I worry about surgery. I don't think I'll miss my penis, but surgery itself is scary to me. The idea of loss of control, and then waking up with tubes coming out of me and drugs going into me, and then having to spend months waiting for my body to heal - it's all kinda scary to me. But the thing is I still think I'll do it.

The drains scare the hell outta me. I can imagine they way that they'd feel and it's horrible. Not painful horrible, uncomfortable horrible. Unnatural horrible.
I can also imagine how it'd feel to pop the stitches in my chest by lifting something too heavy.

I think you may have helped me figure out part of what's worrying me.

I want top surgery badly enough that...well, I can only follow that opening with hyperbole, so I'll leave it be.

Surgery is scary. I've had problems healing after surgeries, and I've popped stitches out by accident before, and I've had times where I woke up clawing at staples because in my sleep and dreams I forgot they were supposed to be there. My daughter had her anesthesia calculated wrong and almost died in surgery once. They also slipped up with the laser and she spent several days on a ventilator. Etc.

Despite all that fear, I am planning at least two surgeries in the near future. My breasts have to go, and my knee needs repaired. If I ever have money to throw around for elective procedures, I also want a bunion shaved and some heavy-duty dental work.

But yeah. It's terrifying to put your life in the hands of some stranger who will be invading your body with a piece of metal. It is.